On a the road in a volvo, cool wind in my hair
Smell of Spam Carbonara, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a starteling sight
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, all because of the fright

There she tripped in the doorway, screaming as she fell
She stood up and i thought: Oh god, this is hell, this is hell, this is hell
She burnt herself on the candle, and she showed me the way
There were parrots in the corridor, i thought i heard them say:

Welcome to the Hotel Carbonara
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a putrid taste
Plenty of spam at the hotel Carbonara
Any time of year, you can find it here

Her mind is certainly twisted, She's going round the bend
She's got some demented blackbirds, that she calls friends
And the fisk in the river, that i've never met.
Short memory span - they always forget.

Then i called up the shepherd, "Bring me my small geershcwein"
He said "We ate them all in the new year - nineteen ninety nine."
And still the parrots are dying, not in Norway
Wake you up in the middle of the night, just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel Carbonara
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a putrid taste
Dreaming of Death at the Hotel Carbonara
There is *a* surprise, but not very nice

Mirrors in the ceiling, The red champagne-like ice
And she said "My name is Elpie Nutter, D'you want to see the surprise?"
She led me to the kitchen, and she looked at the beast
The geerschweinchen looked back at her, as she prepared for the feast.

Last thing i remember, i was lying on the floor
Couldn't stand all the bloodshed, couldn't stand up any more
"Relax" said the Nutter, "I am programmed to bereave,"
"I can kill you if you really like, but you can never leave..."