"What the fuck are you doing here?"
Not quite the welcome-back I expected, but my first mistake was assuming anything would happen. It's been a year since I've last seen her; she wasn't going to jump in to my arms with excitement. She was going to be cautious and weary of the mysterious dark figure, whose eyes are hidden underneath the brim of a Yankees hat. My response is a mild hand gesture and crooked smile.
It's funny. On the plane back from Hotchkiss, I had a detailed list of explanations for my sudden departure. I envisioned several scenarios, and each ended with Massie and me buried beneath her sheets, exploring each others bodies. Neither included a less-than-friendly greeting as she lounged around by her pool. Although, I had fantasized about a gold bikini, much like the one she wore.
"Mass," I start, but nothing comes out. I can't be expected to say more though, I never was good with words.
"Josh?" she counters, raising one perfectly groomed brow. Something about her condescending tone turns me on. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
"Come on babe," I begin. Babe. Am I even allowed to call her that anymore, or has someone else claimed that right? It's okay, I don't follow the rules, girlfriend and boyfriend are just labels for a form of servitude. Me and Massie were the only ones to transcend the limitations of high school romances.
"You have some nerve coming here Hotz!" she shrieks. She has such a fiery temper, when I'm not careful the flames of her anger lick my skin. Too many times I've been burned by Block. Too many times have I extinguished the fire, only to leave ashes in her remains. I've broken down parts of Massie no one even knew existed. When we were together, the caution and the guarded appearance fell. It took a year for them to rebuild, evidently.
"Look, I know I should explain why I left, but what's important is that I'm back," God, I sound like a cheesy take on Ryan Gosling in the Notebook. "I came back for you." Not entirely true. I got expelled from Hotchkiss-a second time. Apparently that can happen.
"Josh, do I look like a Barbie doll?"
Not this childish shit. I assumed once she entered the twelfth grade her middle-school antics would disappear, but every now and them some clever remark from the old days would surface. "No Massie, you do not," I give her what she wants, because she is all I want.
"Then why are you trying to play with me? Josh you left for one whole year, show up at my door step without so much as a call, and tell me that you came back for me, that you love me. Josh I'm not an idiot," Her amber eyes are like shooting arrows, their tips pointed at my heart. "You didn't come back for me, only people who love me would do that."
"But, I do Mass. I still do!" Oh no, I'm raising my voice. "Give me a chance to explain."
"Then why did you leave?" She's like a hound dog on a scent: relentless. " Why didn't you return my phone calls, my texts, my e-mails? Why didn't you talk to me for one whole year Josh? I sat here like an idiot for three months convinced that your cell phone was broken. That was the only explanation I could come up with for why you wouldn't talk to me Josh! Then it hit me: He never loved me! You never loved me, Josh."
"Massie this isn't all about you. Did you ever think that for once this goes beyond your stupid megalomania? Massie, I didn't leave because I never loved you. It has nothing to do with you, at all." Big mistake. Massie hates to be reminded that she's not the center of everyone's universe.
"It has everything to do with me Josh. I bet you never considered how your abandonment would make me feel." Her tanned cheeks have taken on a bright red color, reserved only for her violent rampages.
"Whatever Mass. You were so fucking involved in your own world, with your own problems that you couldn't see that something was wrong. Here I am trying to fix things as usual, and you always push me away," I sound like a pansy.
"Maybe I don't want to fix things Josh! Maybe I enjoy not having to worry whether you're sleeping with Olivia Ryan again. Maybe I enjoy having some semblance of freedom. You suffocated me Josh, and then did whatever the hell you wanted," her words are powerful.
"Fuck this Massie, when you're ready to talk to me, you know where to find me," I walk away. Just like I always do. "Massie, don't pretend like you don't love me. You don't just lose feelings for someone like that."
"Josh it's been a year! Not one day, not one week, not even a God damned month. A year Josh, a year." I can hear the gurgle of frustration boil over in the back of her throat. "A lot can change in a year."
I can't help but think how right she is as I climb into my black Jaguar.
Somewhere, nestled deep within the crevices of my heart is Olivia Ryan. Long, flaxen curls that tumble down smooth, pale skin. Large, ocean blue eyes that reveal everything and nothing at all. Legs for miles. Evenly white teeth. A perplexing, quizzical look that enraptures those fortunate enough to amaze her.
The first time I cheated on Massie was with Olivia Ryan.
I lost my virginity to her in the back of this very Jaguar when I was fourteen. Legally, I wasn't permitted to take the car out, but I promised Olivia some excitement. The one week probation from my parents was worth it.
She is the type of girl who doesn't understand the profound effects her unearthly beauty have on mere mortal men. She is the Venus of this realm.
She was also one of the three people there that night, including myself. She knew exactly what happened. My fate has always rested in her hands, which brings me to wonder why she hasn't betrayed the secret yet. After all, it would be her own form of twisted revenge.
A/N: One of my older stories, decided to continue it on here please, please, please R&R!
Disclaimer: All of it belongs to Lisi.