Hey guise! Me again! Now if you've been keeping up with the second season of Glee chances are that you saw the preview where Blaine and Rachel kiss. Being Team Kurt I personally was freaking out. Until next week this fanfic is going to hold me over XD but whatever happens I'm going to finish this. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.


I don't want to screw this up.

I don't want to screw this up.

I don't want to screw this up.

Blaine was screwing it up.

Royally.

He was royally screwing it up.

Kurt's jaw dropped and his body seemed to convulse in anger. His neck snapped to the side and his eyes widened.

Blaine was kissing Rachel.

It wasn't a drunken kiss at all. Had they been pretending to be drunk in the first place? Kurt didn't feel drunk. He brought his own Fiji water thank you very much. But Blaine…and Rachel…

Blaine's hands were cupping Rachel's cheeks and it's as if they were molded to fit each other. It was all so perfect. Neither opened their mouth so it was a closed-mouth kiss but…they pulled away and lingered there for a moment, their eyes flickering over each other's faces. Blaine gazed at Rachel's eyes, her nose, her lips…

Kurt should know, they had kissed directly in front of him.

"Okay I think we've seen enough!" He practically screeched, clapping his hands in hopes to shove them both out of their love daze.

To no avail, of course.

For the rest of the night Blaine and Rachel kept stealing glances at each other. Occasionally they would catch each other's eyes and lock for a moment. Rachel would blush and turn away and a corner of Blaine's mouth would rise in a half-smile.

Kurt wouldn't have so much detail if they hadn't insisted on sitting on either side of him. But they did. And Kurt hated them both for it.

He couldn't take it. Around one in the morning Kurt told Rachel he felt sick and needed to go home.

"Booze get to you?" Rachel asked, giggling.

Kurt never wanted to hit a girl this badly.

"Yeah." He mumbled.

He went over to the corner where everyone had piled their things and started to dig out his sleeping bag and overnight bag. He bit his lip hard in order to keep any and all tears in until he at least made it out to his car. He wasn't going to cry here. Not here.

A tap on the shoulder sent his heart into his throat.

He looked over to see Blaine looking a bit confused. The alcohol of course, Kurt though dryly.

"Everything okay?" Blaine asked with concern in his voice.

Kurt turned back to the pile of bags and gritted his teeth.

"Fine. I just don't feel well."

"I can drive you home if-"

"No!"

Kurt startled himself at the tone of his voice. Turning and seeing Blaine's surprise, he supposed he started Blaine as well.

"Sorry, just…no. I'm fine."

Blaine was quiet as Kurt slung the strap of his sleeping bag over his shoulder. He said goodnight to everyone, which went unnoticed as they went about their drunken activities of falling over and mumbling incoherently to each other.

Kurt was at the door when Blaine's soft voice stopped him.

"See you tomorrow?"

Kurt started to look back when he decided against it and simply nodded.

"Yep."

He closed the front door and the tears came instantly.

Godamn it.

He stomped over to his car, opening the trunk and throwing his things inside before slamming it shut. He stomped to the driver's side and opened the door, practically throwing himself in and slamming the door before breaking down. Sobs filled the car as Kurt wrapped his arms around himself. He was trembling uncontrollably. His lungs felt like they were empty and his heart was shattering. He felt each piece drift into the oblivion of his body and become a simple sprinkle in his blood.

Why?

Why couldn't things work out for once? Why couldn't one thing go his way?

He saw Blaine as his savior. He was Kurt's mentor who helped him confront Karofsky and join the Warblers. He gave Kurt confidence. They sang songs together. Blaine wanted Kurt at his side when they sang Hey Soul Sister in front of an audience. Blaine helped Kurt practice for his first audition. Blaine knew his coffee order.

He and Rachel were just starting to see eye to eye. They were friends. They had a sleepover to support each other. Rachel sang a duet with him when no one else would (or rather Finn wouldn't let anyone else). She said they were the same person.

Then why were they doing this to him?

He was just beginning to make progress with this miserable thing called life. He'd gotten over Finn and Sam proved to be a lady's man. If he was even single Kurt wouldn't dream of ever dating Karofsky. Blaine was perfect. He was perfect in every single way.

But why this?

He had overlooked the Gap Attack.

Blaine was clueless, obviously.

But he couldn't be this clueless.

It was impossible.

It had to be.

Kurt cried in front of the house for almost half an hour before calming down a bit. He put his keys in the ignition and let the car warm up a bit before taking off. As he drove he did the one thing he swore never to do: he left his radio off. No amount of music was going to heal this wound. He drove home in silence, the only noise his occasional sniffles of soft gasps for air.

He arrived home and left his things in the car, going right for the front door. His dad and Carole were asleep of course, so Kurt was thankful to not have their prying questions right now.

Going down the stairs to the basement seemed so foreign to him, but seeing his bed, his vanity, his things…he knew he was home.

He tossed his keys on the desk and went straight for bed. What was the point of a moisturizing routine when the only boy you could possibly end up with wasn't looking at you? His sheets were cool and crisp and his pillow was still firm. He snuggled a bit into his bed and closed his eyes. His breathing was still hitched, but he was focusing now on the back of his eyelids. He wanted to forget about Blaine Anderson right now.

Kurt Hummel focused on becoming numb.


He didn't sleep well that night.

Around four in the morning Kurt snuck out of the house and grabbed his things from out of his trunk. In all honestly he had gone to get his cell phone from his overnight bag so he could scroll through the sappy text messages that he had Blaine had exchanged.

Well, they weren't sappy to Blaine. Maybe just Kurt.

He hadn't been paying attention to the time when footsteps bounded down the stairs.

"Hey kiddo."

Kurt looked up and saw his father standing there, smiling softly.

"Dad?"

"Saw your car parked out front." Burt explained, watching his son. Kurt's eyes were rimmed lightly with red and his cheeks were pink. Burt knew what that meant.

"Sleepover go okay?"

Kurt nodded quickly. "Yeah, just…I felt a little sick so I came home early."

"Oh."

Kurt put his cell phone down on his nightstand, curling back up in the sheets and closing his eyes.

"You know Kurt…you can talk to me if you need to."

Kurt opened his eyes slowly. "I know dad."

Silence filled the room and Kurt supposed that his dad was waiting for Kurt to say something. But how? The last time Kurt talked to his dad about boy problems Burt simply said that Kurt would have to go it alone.

Why was that fair? Because he was different? Kurt had found someone different like him. At least he thought he had. And he still was going it alone. While the McKinley glee club was trading boyfriends and girlfriends like a game of Go Fish, Kurt was stuck with a card that no one wanted.

"Kurt?"

Kurt closed his eyes. "I'm fine dad. Really."

Burt bit his lip, fidgeting a little. "Do you want to talk to Carole or-"

"No dad I don't want to talk to Carole." Kurt said softly. He was trying really hard to contain his anger but his father was making it particularly difficult this morning.

Burt nodded. "Okay kid. Just…come talk to me later okay?"

"Sure dad."

Kurt listened to his father walk back up the stairs and close the door softly. He then laid there alone, opening his eyes and staring at the wall opposite him.

Kurt understood that he was different. But weren't they all? Wasn't that what glee club was about at McKinley? It was about bringing people from different cliques and making one beautiful sound together. They all seemed to fit in with each other despite their regular bickering.

But that was McKinley.

Kurt was at Dalton now. And Dalton was all about conforming. They all wore uniforms for a reason right?

So all Kurt had to do was numb himself. He had to control himself, control his emotions and conform to the norm.

It sounded painful.

Kurt's entire life up until now was making the world know he was different. It was the best part about him. He loved being different. He stood out. He was special.

Sometimes being special sucks.

So there in his bedroom, Kurt made a promise to himself that he would hold everything in. He wouldn't make himself stand out. People didn't like that apparently, neither at McKinley nor Dalton. He would dull himself and fit it. Maybe people would like him then.

Maybe he'd find someone then.

He wasn't going to screw this up.