A/N: For some reason every time I read the books I always end up thinking about the crazy escapades and conversations that would likely take place between Kitty and Bart after the whole Nouda incident. These little pieces will be posted here. May take the form of a story and plot later on, maybe not. Reveiw, s'il vous plait.
"Eugh", Kitty said, making a face, "Don't even start. This is reminding me far too much of Swans of Araby...".
Across the table, a sand-skinned man with dark hair added extra sprinkles to the sundae sitting between them and laughed. "I've never seen it, but I'm going to assume that it's about some handsome, broad-chested spirit falling in love with some overly beautiful waif of a woman with much singing and dewy-eyed embraces?" his eyes glinted merrily as he pushed the ice cream confection across the table.
Kitty made a wretching noise in her ice cream dish. "Yuck, you have no idea. Every single song was about"- here her voice became high pitched and mocking-"Not being able to live together and how their love would never fade, no matter the boundary between their worlds... It was enough to make an old dog piss on her pups" she finished decidedly, shoving a spoonful of chocolate and vanilla in her mouth.
The sand-skinned man raised an eyebrow. "Well... You and I are friends, are we not? No matter, and I quote, 'the boundary between our worlds'".
"Yeah", Kitty rebuked, "But you and I are just friends, you know? It's not like we're sharing moonlight embraces and sappy chorus lines together. I just call you up whenever I fancy chatting with an actually intelligent creature and you're free to come or not."
"I suppooooose so", the djinni drawled, "But if you really think about, we're no better than that besotted couple in Swans of Araby". Kitty made a protesting noise, but he hushed her down. "But really. What normal, everyday human calls up a fourth-level djinni just to chit-chat and eat ice cream? I don't know about you, but I haven't met very many."
Kitty shook her head, as if gazing at a lost cause. "You're hopeless", she managed through a big mouthful of sundae, "Honestly...".
Bartimaeus took the bait. His brown hands swept down onto her left hand resting on the table and proceeded to blink his eyes rapidly and smile winningly at her with shiny white teeth. "Oh, Kathleen... You are the star to my galaxy, the cradle that holds my body, the gooey white substance that"-
"OOOKAAAY", Kitty interrupted, nearly choking on a her crushed peanuts, "That is definitely enough."
"What?" Bartimaeus complained, "I was just going to say the gooey white substance that makes up my essence... Good lord, girl. Get your mind out of the gutter. For a virgin, you're some dirty..."
Kitty glared at him over her treat. "You reckon?" she challenged him hotly.
"Reckon what?" he asked innocently, lightly gripping a spoon and diving daintily for her ice cream.
"Reckon that I'm... That I've never..." she trailed off and squinted at him, her cheeks glowing red. She peeped down at the table and noticed that his spoon was on a collision course with her sundae. She batted him away with her hand, and spoke in a rush "Hey! Why you stealin' my sundae? Djinni can't eat human food, what's up with that?" she shovelled the rest into her mouth and avoided his face.
When she finally gathered the courage to look him in the face once more, he was grinning at her.
"Aww", he cooed like a mother to her babe, "Little Kitty's never done the nasty..."
She slapped a hand to her forehead and groaned is exasperation. "You're never, ever going to let this go, are you?" she asked him tiredly.
"Nope!" he piped cheerfully.