A/N: well I had planned to post this on Valentines Day, but disaster struck and I had NO computer! Finally managed to upload this...hope you'll read and review!

Dear Lily,

How are you, my love? Is it pleasant where you are? I hope it is, for you deserve the best, my love. You always deserved the best; which is why you didn't end up with me. I was never good enough for you, Lily; I was an evil person in my youth. You didn't like me, and I didn't even like myself; how could I, when you despised me?

Was Potter the best for you? Probably not, but he was better for you than I could ever be. I wanted to love you, Lily; I wanted to caress you and keep you safe from the prejudice in our world. But they wouldn't let me, Lily; they said I had to choose. I wanted to choose you, really I did; but they made it clear that choosing you would be choosing death. And I was no Gryffindor, my love, I could not choose death over life. How cowardly, how naive I was.

Potter was neither of those things; he chose to put himself and his family in danger, he was willing to risk everything for you. And when the Dark Lord came to your door, still Potter tried to protect you though he knew it was a futile attempt.

I wanted to protect you, Lily. I begged the Dark Lord to spare you, but it was not enough. I killed you.

And now, I sit in my solitude, at my empty table, hoping you will appear in the empty seat opposite my own. I have laid red roses on the table, I have lit the fire, and all I need to do now is wait for you. This is the Valentine's Day we never had, Lily. Every year I set the table and wait for you, and every year I write you a letter. I hope they reach you where you are.

Sometimes I feel your presence at my table; the candles flicker slightly, and the room becomes less gloomy, because you bring light to every room, just as you did in my life. I'm sure you bring light to wherever you are now. I wish I could see it.

But Lily, I have something to tell you. This will be my last Valentine's Day letter to you, I am almost certain of it. I sense the battle is coming to an end, although I am still unsure as to who is winning. Harry is fighting valiantly, as I always expected with such a brave mother. I hope it shall not be n vain. However, should he prove to be defeated, he will at least have the honour of being reunited with you, my love, the mother he longs to meet again.

I have to say, I envy Harry, my love; whether he leaves this earth today, tomorrow or in a hundred years time, he will still return to you, and see you again. I fear I will not get this privilege. I have made too many mistakes in my life; and as I am certain my time on this earth is reaching its end, there is little time to rectify the many mistakes I have made; nearly all of my mistakes surround you, Lily, and for that I can only apologise over and over again for all eternity, although I know it still won't be enough.

And so now, on this Valentine's night, I will go to bed and imagine your arms wrapped around mine, your lips on mine, your mind joined with mine. And I'll imagine your smile, and maybe, just maybe I'll try to smile too.

Because, Lily, I never stopped loving you.

Yours, forever and always,


A/N: a little depressing perhaps, but still XD read and review?