Deep

She lets a few tears drop as she watches her older sister walking down the aisle, her shimmering white wedding gown making her look like an angel from high above. Her sister's getting married, and she's standing at the altar on the sidelines – alwaysabridesmaid,neverabride – but she's not crying tears of joy.

They're of pain, of despair, of hate. She hates her family, she hates her sister, she hates her sister's soon-to-be husband. Why is she here? She shouldn't be forcing herself to watch this – she's not one for masochism – but here she is, like the st-up-id 'little girl' that she is.

Her sister's always been her parents' number one priority. She's always been second fiddle, second-best, the afterthought. She's the mistake, the child her parents hadn't planned on. But she's never let it bother her before – well, not much, anyways. Until today. Today's the day it all starts to sink in. She's never going to be happy, not as long as her sister's around.

For years they've been competing against each other. When she'd made the second-best Little League Quidditch team in England, her sister made the first-best. When she learned how to make cupcakes, her sister learned how to make a three-tier wedding cake. She won the school talent show, so her sister won a talent show competing against girls almost twice her age.

The final straw had been when they'd fallen for the same man. She'd won him over at first, and they'd had a whirlwind romance. That'd only lasted for about a year. Then, without warning, the man'd decided to love her sister instead.

Everyone had known how heartbroken she'd been – her sister had apologized, but then said youcan'thelpwhoyoufallinlovewith!, that little bitch! – but they all thought she'd gotten over it by the time her sister and her former lover got engaged, four years after the breakup. Those asinine people! You don't just 'get over' the love of your life!

So here she was, at his wedding, six years after their relationship had ended – the last relationship she'd ever been in – and she was a fucking bridesmaid! The Maid of Honor, no less! It's as if the world enjoyed yanking her heart straight out of her chest! But she's promised herself that she'll get through the wedding – as much as it hurts – and she'll just leave straight after the pictures have been taken. She doesn't need to see them all loveydovey, especially not right before they leave for their honeymoon. She's strong; she can make it for another hour, before she exits their lives for-ev-er.

But, as it always happens, life doesn't go as planned. She's watching her sister gaze lovingly at her soon-to-be husband, and she almost vomits. She can't watch this! She wants to gouge her eyes out; that would surely be less painful than watching this…this monstrosity!

They'll never see her again. This she swears. Except maybe at her funeral, a few weeks from now. She's not strong, and she's keeps lying to herself by pretending that she is. She'll never be able to accept that her sister – her fleshandblood, God fucking damn it! – stole away the best thing that ever happened to her! And she won't go on living, with that sitting at the back of her mind, a regret she can never fix. So she'll end it all.

It all comes to a head when the officiating wizard asks her sister to present her vows. Her sister prattles off some preppy, sappy crap that's been used a thousand times before; what a joke! And then she says – squeals – Ido,Ido,Ido! and she won't – can't – stand here any longer. Her heart's about to explode – or shatter, whichever comes first – and so she runs out of the church, flinging her bouquet into the audience. Goodbye,goodbye,goodbye,Ihateyouall,fuckyoualltoHell!


Her sister's the one that finds her, all bloody and pale. Her eyes – empty as they are – are red-rimmed; she'd been crying. Scrawled in her own blood, probably just moments before her life completely ebbed away, is a short – shortshort – message.

I still loved him, but you knew that, didn't you?

There are only two cuts on her body, the only things indicating what's she's done to herself. And these two cuts are the most important part of this scene. They tell the story perfectly. There are only two cuts – deepdeeepdeep – on her body, and they're in an X across her heart.