AN: Hello fellow Earthlings! In case you don't know me already, my name is Maggie, I'm fifteen years old, and I am exploring the world of Degrassi fanfiction! This is less of a Degrassi fanfic and more of a borrowing of characters and situations... I'm sick of those Eli and Clare oneshots that mean absolutely nothing. Fanfic writers are given such a rich, wonderful plotline between these two and I think it's terrible to waste it. So here we go! Enjoy!
The Little Monster Called Loneliness
Loneliness is quite a strange little creature, isn't it? A strange little creature with strange little tendencies. It's known for its ability to creep up on its victims, attack them from behind, latch its greedy little claws onto everything important in the world, and devour them piece by piece by piece. It lurks in the dark corners of ones soul, watching silently, memorising, studying with its beady little red eyes, unnoticed by all who pass it daily, sending tiny little thoughts of fear and insecurity through the mind it inhabits, whispers carried to the covered hole, hidden by reassurance but still large and empty, on a cold, desolate wind. It tortures, torments, attacks without needing to attack. In the end, it wasn't the loneliness that drove the poor soul insane, but the soul itself. Its own paranoia, provoked, prodded just hard enough for it to begin to roll off the side of the tall mountain it was put away on and straight into the frontal mind of the victim. The loneliness, the greedy, sinister little creature inside us all, did nothing but bring forth our own fears, created by us. It isn't the loneliness, it is our own fears. Our own fears that get us in the end.
Put away, stored in a little brown box in the corner of Clare Edward's mind, restrained and captured by a rope of lies, was that little monster called Loneliness, waking up from its slumber of blissful oblivion as the world around the teenage girl who's mind it inhabited was looking quite peaceful. Almost instantly, as those little red eyes peered through the walls of the box of insecurity it had been placed in, things around the girl began to change.
The first to go was her peace of mind. The first to go was always peace of mind. Clare began to watch as the web of security and serenity she called her life slowly began to unravel itself. She saw the very fragile line of peace between her parents disintegrate into nothing. She watched helplessly as the loneliness broke free from its bindings and began to creep through her mind, sending those terrible, hopeless thoughts all throughout her being.
Sometimes it scared Clare just how unmerciful the creature called Loneliness really was. She'd sit curled up on her bedroom floor, watching as her tears fell silently to the ground, pleading with her inner demons to make it all stop. She found refuge in those little droplets of water, felt as they dripped from her sad, lonely eyes and filled the gaping hole that had been ripped in her chest for the moments they distracted from the world around her. Like looking through a droplet of water, looking through a tear, the world around her seemed warped and distant when she cried. She was alive inside her tears, she let those tears subdue the monster called Loneliness for the few short moments they could alter her universe.
But tears will only keep you separated for so long. There comes a time when one runs out of tears, finding that their eyes have run dry, and when that point is reached, the world seems darker and scarier than ever before. Clare was all too familiar with this feeling of dry emptiness, the feeling of waking up from her tear induced trance and walking downstairs, only to find her situation even more dour and hopeless. She knew that nothing in the world but the company of others could ease the pain, or rather, distract her from it, for as long as her parents would allow. But as we all know, Loneliness doesn't give up that easily.
It takes a very special person to be able to fight off a creature as merciless and evil as Loneliness within a person so deep rooted in their sad, neglected ways as young Clare Edwards. A person so strong and loving that Loneliness's terrible powers are subdued, put away back inside the box in the mind of the victim and bound with a cord of reassurance. These people, though written and fantasised about time and time again, are exceptionally rare in this world of cowards and victims. When one is stumbled upon, and most likely in the oddest of places, they are overlooked, overshadowed, underestimated.
It just so happens that in the story of Clare Edwards, right when the little monster inside the box in her mind was setting itself loose, she stumbled upon one of those special people. Hidden behind a wall of dark colours and social awkwardness, one Elijah Goldsworthy, the hearse driving, black nail polish wearing, seemingly death obsessed teenager known for his tendency to break the dress code each and every day he attended school, seemed like a very unlikely person to be considered so special. But it seems that those who appear the most unlikely candidates are the ones that actually are.
When Clare first began to realise that Eli was particularly good at chasing away the monster called Loneliness inside of her scared, hesitant mind, she was pleasantly surprised. They spent more time together, explored, experimented, enjoyed, and though Eli didn't realise it, he was helping her in more ways than just getting her to have fun. Simply by being him, his smirking, brooding, mysterious self, he was beginning to tie the rope back around the pesky little monster lurking around inside Clare's mind, dragging him slowly towards the box in which it belonged.
Now, there's a funny thing about these special people you should know. Just because they can chase away the monsters inside the people around them doesn't mean they aren't haunted by their own. Surrounded by constant reminders of deaths, losses, shortcomings, flaws, Eli had his own inner demons he needed someone to chase away. And he found his refuge in the well behaved Christian girl in his English class, the very one that found him so very useful for taming her own monster of Loneliness. Sometimes, it seems, a pair are so dependant on each other to chase away their insecurities, that they gravitate towards each other instantly upon meeting.
Each time Eli saw her face, he smiled. He was happy when he was around her. She chased away his own little monster called Loneliness. They chased away each other's little monsters. And though they had their problems, other little monsters reside in the minds of each person on the planet, they knew they couldn't live without each other.
It was because of each other that their own fears were put away. Loneliness had nothing to poke its little fingers at, nothing to prod down the mountain and into the frontal mind of the victim. Loneliness has nothing to do with it. It's our own fears that get us in the end. And our own saviours that help us through.