A/N: Anyone who has read my other stories will probably not like these. I rated it M for a good reason.

Despite the implications of the title, you should know now that this is not a love story.


Chapter 1:

Finn had never meant to hurt Kurt- hadn't even realized that he had in fact hurt him until it was far too late. He had just been looking for comfort, for a way to feel better about it all…

But Kurt had resisted...Finn even remembered he had screamed. Finn felt sick as he thought about it, but it had happened.

Even if he had never meant for it to.


It had started right after he had broken up with Rachel. After what she had done with Puck, Finn had been sure she could never hurt him more than that.

But she had. She'd gotten him right in the gut, right where all his insecurities and vulnerabilities lay. When he'd heard, Finn was sure he felt a little something inside of him curl and fucking die.

"Dammit!" Finn screamed, slamming the door to his room and crashing onto his bed. His stomach felt like a gaping pit, and his thoughts raged around in his head. He wanted to shut them up, didn't want to think about it anymore.

"Dammit!" He screamed again, smashing his fist on his bed. It bounced back up ineffectually and he swore.

"Finn, are you ok?" Kurt asked, slowly peaking into his room.

"No. No I am not ok. Not at all." He said, sitting up.

"Whats wrong?" Kurt questioned, taking a seat next to Finn. He put his hand reassuringly on Finn's shoulder.

Finn glanced at Kurt, not sure he really wanted to talk about. "It's...it's Rachel." Finn said quietly, shocked at the lightening bolt of hurt he felt in his chest as he said her name. "She's...she's with Puck. Actually with him. They're dating now."

He put his head in his hands and began to sob. He hated that she had been able to make him feel this way. He felt wild, desperate and lost. He couldn't take feeling like this.

Kurt cringed, moving his arm around Finn's shoulders. "Ouch."

"Why does this keep happening?" Finn sobbed into his hands. "Why do I keep losing the girls I love to Puck?"

Kurt didn't respond. Didn't know how.

"Tell me the truth, Kurt." Finn said, lifting his head up and looking Kurt in the eye. "Am I disgusting? Am I just completely repulsive?"

"No! Not at all." Kurt insisted quickly. "Finn don't think that. Rachel's just desperate for attention, that's all. I guarantee that's why she's doing this."

"I'm going to die alone, aren't I?"

"Come on, Finn, don't do this. She's just one girl. One annoying girl. I am sure there are plenty of girls in the school who are simply pining over you. And one of them must be better than Rachel."

Finn snorted. "Yeah, right. You don't even like me anymore, remember?"

Kurt stiffened. "Well, in my defense, you sort of requested that I not like you."

Finn sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to push you away..." He said quietly. Kurt stared at him, wondering where the hell he was going with this.

Finn thought for a moment. "Well, I did...but..I'm sorry about it." He finished, his face barely an inch away from Kurt's. Before Kurt knew what was happening, Finn had pressed his mouth against him and was kissing him forcefully. Hardly aware of what he was doing, Kurt kissed him back.

Finn put his arms around Kurt, sobbing desperately into their kiss. Kurt moved his head back, attempting to break the embrace, but Finn wouldn't let him. He just moved his head forward again, bringing their mouths back together with even more force than before, tears continuing to stream down his face.

Finally, Finn broke away from Kurt and gasped for air. Kurt said on the edge of the bed, numbly wondering what had just happened.

"I-I'm sorry..." Finn mumbled, holding his head in his hands again. Without another word, Kurt got up and left.


Blaine noticed that something was up with Kurt around the middle of the Warbler's practice. He was usually so energetic when he performed, and completely focused on hitting each note perfectly. Today he seemed distracted, barely bothering to make his voice heard.

"You ok?" Blaine asked when practice was over.

"Hmm?" Kurt said distantly.

"I asked you if you were ok..."

"What? Oh yeah. I'm fine. Why?"

"You just seem...I dunno, off somehow."

Kurt shrugged, and walked away without another word.

Blaine furrowed his brow in concern. That wasn't like Kurt at all. Usually he and Blaine hung out after practice, talking or going for coffee at a small cafe by the school. He never just...left.


When Kurt went home that day, he was prepared to find a distraught Finn cursing his name. He was prepared for Finn to scream and yell at him, calling him a fag and smashing things. He was prepared for Finn to avoid eye contact with him, and mumble that what had happened had been a huge mistake, before rushing up to his room and never speaking to him again.

He wasn't prepared for what happened.

Kurt was up in his room, trying and failing to concentrate on his homework, when he heard a knock at his door.

"Yes?" Kurt asked, without turning around. He heard a small sniff behind him, and knew it was Finn. Kurt stood and looked at him, surprised to find him looking just as sad as yesterday. Sad, but not angry.

"Finn what's wr-" Kurt began, but was cut off as Finn pushed him against the wall and shoved his tongue in his mouth.

Kurt moaned as Finn rammed his mouth into him, and tried to wrap his mind around what was happening, and how he felt about it. Finn was pinning his wrists up against the wall, and he was having a hard time thinking.

None of this made sense. Finn didn't like him. Had told him he didn't like him, several times and at varying volumes. He had spent a year telling himself that Finn would never want him, and he had to get over it.

And he had. He had gotten over Finn, and even moved onto Blaine.

But as Finn pushed himself against him with such force and desperation, Kurt couldn't help but revel in it. He had told himself he would never have Finn for so long, and yet here he was.

Finn took his hands off Kurt's wrist and moved his them over his body. Kurt gasped as he felt Finn move his hands between his legs, rubbing forcibly.

Part of him wanted to tell Finn to stop, that this, whatever it was, was moving much too fast. He wasn't ready, he was scared.

But he didn't tell him that. Didn't say anything at all, actually. Because another part of him wanted to see just how far this would go.


He and Finn lay together on his bed, naked and panting. Kurt's throat was sore, and his knee's were red with carpet burn. But as Finn reached over and pulled Kurt close, holding him tightly in his arms and stroking his matted hair, Kurt realized he didn't care.