Hello. This is my second Fic. I wrote it for my friend Tatty201 (Also known as The DiscoMonster's wife… and also Mark Hanky-Gooky-Sulting.) she's funny ;) Please don't knock me because I based this in Chicago. It just the way I write. I was born this way… ;) YES IM A LADY FAN! CLUE'S IN THE NAME!
Anyways. Hoping you enjoy. Dunno how long its gonna be. Probably wont have an updating schedule like I did with my Gone fic… but ah well.
Did I scare you? Bet I did ;)
Monster xx xx xx xx
I was just pulling on my boots when Fletcher popped up in front of me. "Ready to go yet? Or are we still waiting for you to do you hair, make-up, make sure you look good, which you do by the way…" he blathered on while I rummaged through the piles of food wrappers on my desk for my phone. "What are you looking for?" he asked coming to stand behind me, his verbal filter seeming to stop the random gibber that was spewing from between his lips.
"My phone," I replied, not looking at him. "Aha!" I yelled when I found it under a pile of tic tac boxes… mm minty freshness. "So, where are we headed?"
"Off to Ghastly's, Skulduggery called me a minute ago and was all 'meet us at Ghastly's in twenty five or I'll do some scary mumbo jumbo to youuuu!' and then he did this freaky evil laugh slash ghost howl. It was weird so I hung up on him." He grinned and nodded his head slowly.
"Yes, because that makes you so much better than he is."
"Ahh-thank you." I smiled and he returned it. We stood there for about a minute grinning stupidly at each other before it became unbearably awkward.
"StteeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEPH!" The call from downstairs ended in a scream and broke the awkward silence.
"Crap! My folks are here! Hide under the bed!" I said, flapping my arms at him.
"I'm not hiding under your flipping bed, we live together, you're coming with me right now and we're going to Ghastly's. Besides, you know how chatty your Mum gets when ever I'm around… I think she fancies me."
"Oh yeah… and my mother does not fancy you! She has had two wonderful children with her husband Desmond and she is happily married!" I squealed, ugh image… shudder.
"What ever, I could make her a very happy woman you know…"
"Ugh! Shut up you stupid boy!" I said and walked out the door and down the stairs to meet my parents and sister at the door.
"Stephanie!" my sister Frankie sang before running up to me and wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. My mother came up to me next and disengaged my hyperactive three-year-old baby sister from my legs, lifting her up onto her hip. "Fletchie!" Frankie squealed with the same, if not more, amount of enthusiasm. "Mummy, when are Fletcher and Stephanie going to get married?" the silence that followed was deafening.
Hmm… awkward, you could call it that, right?
"Uh…" was my mother's response. Obviously, she thought that we were actually dating, but we're not, even though we're living together. But that really doesn't count because we're living in Uncle Gordon's house and it's huge so we hardly ever see each other here unless we're cooking, leaving or walking through the damn door. Except that really uncomfortable time when he was walking around covering himself with a flannel because he couldn't find the damn towels and had to come find me in the study… yeah, that day was pretty bad even though I got a good look at his abs.
"Umm, Frankie, Steph and I aren't going to get married." Fletcher said, shuffling his feet. The poor girl looked heart broken when she spoke.
"Because we're not in love."
"Yes you are; you live together like Mummy and Daddy do."
"Yes, but we're just friends who go to school together." I said, adding myself to the gently-putting-down of Frankie and her wild dreams of Fletcher becoming her brother-in-law.
"Oh…" he looked down, leaning her head on my mothers shoulder. Then she brightened up. "I learned a new word at pre-school yesterday!" she clapped her hands excitedly.
"Oh yeah?" I said, "What's that?"
"Tallywacker!" she said and began giggling uncontrollably.
"What's a tallywacker?" Fletcher asked frowning.
"A boys pee pee!" she yelled, turned bright red, then started giggling so uncontrollably that she couldn't move her little arms. Fletcher stared at her, then at me, then at Mum.
"What did you need, Mum?" I asked, ignoring my hysterical sister who was now screaming with laughter. She was even doing that monster claw thing with her hands that made her look absolutely insane!
"Oh I just wanted to know if you could babysit tonight, but seeing what she's like right now… I wouldn't burden you two with that." She smiled apologetically.
It was quiet for a moment – well, as quiet as it could get with Frankie screaming, no one even tried to stop her. She really is the craziest of our mad family.
"Ah crap! We're gotta go!" Fletcher said grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door. "Bye!" we chorused to my mother and sister who were stood in the hallway watching us run up to my 67 black Chevy Impala. My baby.
"Can I drive?" Fletcher asked hopefully.
"When we make out, you can drive my baby." I said and got into the drivers seat, inhaling the scent of the leather seats and the pine cone air freshener. I started the engine and the purr of the engine made me smile as I put the car in gear and drove through the December snow. Fletcher fiddled with the radio relentlessly and sighed repeatedly when all he could get was static. "Uhg! Why is your radio so crap?"
"Uh, hello? This car is a good 43 years old! Don't knock my baby!"
"You have tonnes of money; get a new radio and a decent surround while you're at it!"
"Shut up, Fletcher! My car! My rules!" and we lapsed into silence until we reached Bespoke Tailor. I turned off the engine and got out of the car, locking it quickly in the hope of locking Fletcher in.
As we entered the shop we saw Skulduggery sitting at the table with his façade on and looking very pained as Tanith and Ghastly made out on the sofa, completely oblivious to mine and Fletcher's entrance.
"Ahh, Fletcher! Valkyrie! So good that you're here! Come on let's go and get some tea!" he hurried over to us and dragged us into the kitchen. "Oh thank the Lord they've been doing that for about 25 minutes, I'm deeply disturbed." He shuddered and turned to the kettle grabbing three mugs. After a few minutes of silence, Skulduggery handed both Fletcher and I a mug of tea to our preference and sighed.
"Sooo… I got a call from the sanctuary today. There are these kids in Chicago, their Grandma died a few weeks ago and she was an Irish sorcerer, and she had these pieces of jewellery that she left them in her will. Now Davina Mar has decided that she wants these pieces of magical jewellery and is now stalking these poor kids. They're probably gonna end up dead. Which isn't nice. I should know, I am dead and it's no fun. Anyway, the American sanctuary would take charge of this situation seeing as it's in their country and its Davina Mar causing all the hassle, but they decided that they would slap the annoying file on our coffee table just because the old dead sorcerer was Irish. How daft is that?"
"Skulduggery? Are you telling me that we're going to Chicago?" I asked, grasping my mug with a steel grip.
"Yeah… but that's not all." He looked at his feet and mumbled to a stop.
"What?" Fletcher and I both inquired.
"Seeing as these kids are both 17, they're in school and we won't be able to protect them while they're there sooo…"
"Oh hell no! I just got out of high school! I'm not going back! And America of all places!" I yelled, successfully separating Ghastly and Tanith from their intimate lip-lock.
"I know, right?" Tanith said, wiping a bit of spit from her lip. Bleck. "I have to be an English teacher! Oh, but Ghastly's job is the best!"
"What is it?" Fletcher asked.
"He's gonna be the janitor." Tanith replied, wiggling her eyebrows and Ghastly laughed. "And Skulduggery's the head teacher!"
"Oh good Lord." Muttered Fletcher, "He'll make up some stupid rule that we'll all have to wear silly hats like his…"
"Hey! My hat is not silly! It's sophisticated!"
"Yeah, sophisticated for a clown."
"Shut up, Fletcher."
"Make me, Bones!"
"How did you know my nickname?" They bantered on and I sipped from my mug, refusing to contribute to their meaningless chatter. Plus, I was still mad at Skulduggery. America. Pout.
"And when exactly do we leave?" I asked, interrupting their babble.
"OH FINE THEN! THAT'S OKAY! I'LL JUST GO HOME AND PACK EVERY ITEM OF CLOTHING I OWN IN TWO DAYS, LOAD THE IMPALA BECAUSE IF YOU THINK IM GETTING ON A PLANE YOU CAN FORGET IT!" yeah you can tell I was pretty mad about the whole thing.
"Val, we're going to America, you can't drive to America." Stated Fletcher.
"Oh, I know, that's why you and I are driving to the coast, and then you're going to teleport us to San Francisco and we'll drive to Chicago." I smiled sweetly at him.
"San Francisco? Are you crazy? That's on a plate margin! Earthquake city central! Did you know they haven't had an earth quake since 1906? They have one coming for them! We're not going to San Francisco! And why are we going to San Francisco when it's in California! Chicago is in Illinois!" he yelled.
"Oh stop being such a baby; we'll only be there for one night! And I like driving!" I threw my hands up in frustration.
"Geez! Okay fine!" he held his hands up in surrender. "We'll see you guys in Chicago next year."
"Are you knocking my car?"
"Jesus, Val! Shut the heck up! You just killed the whole thing!" he shouted.
"You guys fight like an old married couple." Tanith said from her seat on the sofa.
"Yeah, well, it gets like that when you live with a bitch." Spat Fletcher.
"Shut up, Fletcher. Do you want to find another place to live? Because if you do I'll help you pack!" we were inches apart now, screaming at each other.
"I don't need your help!"
"Fine then! I don't need your help either! Go with Skulduggery and I'll drive on my own!" at that I stormed past him, out the door and into the street. It was pouring with rain and it was freezing. I quickly unlocked my car and threw myself into the seat, yanking on the seatbelt I turned the ignition and tore down the Dublin street in my attempt to get away from one infuriating boy.
I'm an ass. I watched as Valkyrie ran out to her car and sped off down the road.
"Well, you cocked that one up royally my friend." Skulduggery said in my ear.
"Please shut up."
"Hey, what the heck was that? I thought you liked her?" Ghastly asked.
"Yeah, I do. A lot. But sometimes she can just be so frustrating…" I mumbled.
"How often is sometimes?" Tanith asked.
"Mmm, every month or so? For about three or four days she is the biggest bitch ever." I said and they all chuckled at me.
"You douche!" exclaimed Ghastly, "If there's one thing you should learn when you're living with a woman is her period cycle!"
"Err! I'm not learning about that! Why would I?"
"Because that's what's making her such a huge bitch! PMS!" laughed Tanith.
"Oh…" they chuckled at my ignorance again. "Do you think I should go talk to her?"
"No, leave her to think of a thousand different ways to kill you slowly and painfully. Yes go and talk to her! Because if you leave her I can guarantee you will find your clothes chopped into little tiny pieces on the front lawn. And because she's on her period will only make that possibility even more possible." Skulduggery advised.
I nodded and teleported to her room, where she was throwing clothes haphazardly into a suitcase. Other items were being packed into a duffel bag; GHD's, a laptop, hairdryer, books, lots and lots of books, CD's, and other appliances. Draws were thrown across the floor and the duvet on her bed was in a pile at the headboard.
"I take it you're heading off today then?" she gasped and spun around, clutching a hard rock café tee shirt in her hand from a trip to New York we took a couple of years ago.
"Yeah I am. Don't worry, I' not forcing you to come with me I think I'll ship the Impala over and I'll stay in a hotel until it gets to San Francisco." She muttered and turned back to her packing.
"I'm coming with you." She turned back around, a confused look on her face.
"I'm coming with you, but can we not go to San Francisco? One, it's a ridiculous distance from Chicago and two; I don't want to get stuck there waiting for a huge Earthquake." I pleaded. She sighed.
"Fine, where are we going?"
"Is that the only other state apart from Illinois and California you know of?"
"Fine, we'll go to Ohio."
"Yay! Am I forgiven about before?"
"On whether you are willing to make me some of your amazing pancakes."
"That takes skill you know."
"And your forgiveness."
"Lets go make some pancakes!" We ran down the stairs giggling like children, completely forgetting about packing, and I set to work on making some chocolate chip pancakes that Val is addicted to. Oh the power. One hour, forty seven pancakes and three trips to local supermarket later we were sitting on the sofa watching 'Eragon' on the TV.
"They messed this film up pretty bad." Commented Val.
"Yeah… they really did." I replied not taking my eyes away from the TV screen.
"Eragon's fit." She continued.
"But not as fit as me."
"In your dreams."
"Oh come on! Look at his hair! It's flat! If you want good hair it has to be like mine."
"Humph." Humph? What was that shit supposed to mean? Pfft women. They really are from Venus. She stands up and turns top face me, her hands on her hips.
"What?" I asked, looking up at her from my position on the couch.
"We need to pack. Well… more specifically you need to pack."
"No, knowing you you'll just stuff a duffel bag with one spare pair of jeans and a load of tee shirts. I refuse to buy you loads of new clothes when we get there. Including underwear."
"Can't I just teleport?"
"No. The American sanctuary has made it very clear that no magical skills are to be used unless in combat for this case, obviously not including Ghastly and Skulduggery's facades."
"Damn. That's pretty harsh."
"Yes it is and that means that you're gonna have to make an effort when packing." And then she turned on her heel and stalked up the stairs and headed for my room dragging a suitcase behind her.
Seven hours. That's how long it took to pack all of Fletcher's clothes. The freaky-haired-boy has more clothes than me! Plus it doesn't help that we needed another bag for his hair and beauty products. And then there were all his gadgets! iPods, an iMac and loads of other stupidly expensive items. Plus, it didn't help that he kept messing about with my packing; going through my underwear and commenting on my bra size. Ahem, I quote: 'wahey a C! I must admit I had my suspicions.' Yeah, I gave him a smack for that comment.
So… seven hours later, I was heading to bed, when Fletcher burst into my room… flat hair… in just his boxers. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't just come barging into my room in just your draws! Jeez man! Get out!" I yelled throwing a blanket at him. He caught it and just held it, shuffling his feet. "What has you in my room at eleven anyway?"
"I…I uh, I had a nightmare."
"Are you joking?"
"No. It was really, really scary."
"I'm sure it was but why are you here?"
"It was scary."
"We've already established that but why are you here, in my room?"
"Can I stay in here with you? Please?" he looked up at me hopefully.
"What? No! Hell no! Get out! Go to bed and get some sleep!" I shooed at him with my hands but still he stood there, in his boxers, clutching a silk love heart blanket looking like me might cry.
"Ok," he cleared his throat, "Yeah, sorry… I'll just, uh…" he pointed behind him with his thumb and turned to leave. Jeez, the guy could make Satan feel guilty.
"Wait." He turned around, "I'll uh… lemme just pull out the sofa bed." I sighed and turned to my couch that was situated in the corner of my large room. "Oh, no! Let me get it!" Fletcher said and moved past me grinning like a fool and pulled out the bed inside the sofa. I went and grabbed some pillows and a duvet.
When I came back Fletcher was sprawled across the bed and was snoring soundly, but not loudly. From where I was standing in the door way, I could very, very, very clearly see his six pack, and his Pecs, and his biceps and the tattoo of a red star just to the left side of his body.
Sure, I'd seen him topless before; in training sessions he would soak his shirt through with sweat and would take it off. Tanith and I used to tease him about it before be buffed up, but now I'm lucky if I can go a session without him beating me at least once.
I shook my head and walked over to him, throwing the duvet over him and laying his head down on one of the pillows I headed over to my double. Mm I love my bed. I crawled under the covers and let myself drift into a soothing and fulfilling sleep.