Title: Surrender your heart

Author: Star

Rating:  I've heard you can use the 'f' word once in a PG-13 so that's what this be.

Distribution: My site, Queer As Black Sunshine http://uk.geocities.com/thelostboys1987 Anyone else: Want. Ask.  Take. Have.

Feedback:  Now would be good.

Disclaimer:  Joss owns 'em.  I'll have 'em back before anyone even notices they're gone.

Summary: A night at the Bronze for Buffy and Faith.

Notes:  Let's pretend that Faith never went bad but everything else happened.  Faith's POV.  Each of the chapters is a separate story, but I decided to upload them all together to make it easier for the reader to find, so the 'f' word might be used more than once in the entire series, but never more than once per fic.  Does that make sense?

Part 1

     The Bronze is decked out for Halloween.  Looks kinda funky in here, all dark with skeletons hanging on the walls and pumpkins on the bar.  It's dark and smoky and not Bronze-like at all. They've finally got hold of a decent sound system and it's booming out old tunes at an enormous decibel level.

     There've also rigged up UV lights, which makes people glow eerily.  Kinda makes me wish it always looked like this.

     B fights her way through the crowd towards me with a drink in each hand.  A bottle of beer for me, and an OJ for her.  Someone stuck an umbrella in her drink and it strikes me as B-like.

     I take my drink and shout into her ear that I've seen a free table.  She nods and we fight our way towards it.  I don't get why this place is so crowded tonight, but it is.

     I light a cigarette and B tells me there's no ashtray.  The only bonus of the really loud music is that if B and I want to talk we have to shout in each other's ear.  It's as close as I'm ever going to get to her.

     She points to a circle of ash on the table.  "Oooh."

     "Crop circles, only ash, and on a table.  See, even a table's not just a table on the Hellmouth."  I tell her and she laughs.  She does that a lot when I'm around.  At first it used to surprise me, but then she wrote in my birthday card one year "To the funniest girl on the planet."  Who'd have thunk Faith could be funny?

     B picks up my blue lighter, under the UV lights it's glowing a radio-active colour.  B grins and I see her teeth and the whites of her eyes are glowing green.  I tell her this and she giggles.

     Actually B's glowing a lot, given her obsession with pastel colours.  I'm not.  Leather trousers and a tiny black tank top.

     "Don't you have anything that glows?"  She asks into my ear.

     I shake my head.  She reaches over and moves the strap of my tank top and regards my black bra strap.

     "Just checking."  She tells me.

     "You think I wear white underwear?"  I ask and she laughs and tells me that I never stop surprising her, so she had to check.

     I grin at the compliment, but part of me feels sad.  You see, B and I are the closest friends on the planet.  I'm sorry I shoved Red out of the best friend slot, but she's happy with Tara, so I guess it worked out ok.  The problem is the same as it's always been: I want more.

     B told me when she first met me she kinda got a crush on me, but I knew, just by her tone that she was over it by then.  It wasn't a crush-crush.  It was just a crush.  She said, "If I was gay, you'd be the one for me, but I'm not.  See, if I can't fall in love with you, I can't be gay."

     She said it gently and tried not to break my heart.  She almost succeeded.  But I'm her best friend.  And that means a lot more to me than I thought it could.  Ok, I'm not her lover, but she confides more in me than anyone else on the planet.  I got the feeling she really tried to be in love with me.

     B steals my cig and brings my thought back to present day.  "I thought you quit."  I say, lighting myself a new cigarette, noting that only flecks of the white part glows in the UV lights, and I wonder if I should be worried about it.

     "I did."  She inhales deeply.  "But I'm quitting quitting.  Besides, I need nicotine to get me through tonight."

     "So where's Clare?"  I ask, but I don't care, and I don't think B does either.

     "Dunno, she said she'd be here half an hour ago."

     Clare works at the Bronze and it's her birthday.  I get the feeling she doesn't have too many friends because she barely knows B, and pretty much begged her to come tonight.  B asked if she could bring me and got the answer, "The more the merrier."

     The sound system cranks up another few decibels.  Sooner or later the patrons of the Bronze are gonna start bleeding from the ears.  I really don't want to be here when that happens.  Hell, I really don't want to be here.

     I flick my ash on the floor, and I'm kinda charmed by B's attempt to not make a mess.  She's grabbed an empty beer bottle off another table and is using that as an ashtray.  Every time she flicks she misses.  So much for Slayer Skill.

     "Hey!  That's how the ash circle happened!"  She exclaims excitedly.

     "I prefer my crop circle theory, but whatever floats your boat, B."

Let me be your fantasy

I'll take you up to the highest heights

Let's spread our wings

And fly away

     There's a crowd dancing now.  I wanna dance, but don't wanna lose our seats.  I drop my dying cig in the beer bottle and lean back to watch.

     "I get the feeling I know dreadlocks over there."  She subtly points to a crusty looking specimen of humanity.

     "I get the feeling I don't want to."  I reply.

     "That's what sucks about this town.  I don't know if I know someone, or just saved 'em from a vampy death."

Surround you with love and pure delight

Release your spirit a set u free

Feel my energy

Let's be as one

     "Let Me Be Your Fantasy" by Baby D

     I still wanna dance, I kinda jig in my seat and feel goofy.  B quirks an eyebrow at me, then jigs too.

     The music changes to something slightly more recent.

Under a lover's sky

I'm gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until, 'till the sun goes down

Underneath the starlight (starlight)

There's a magical feeling so right

It will steal your heart tonight

     I'm feeling kinda antagonised by lyrics here.  I lean back in my chair again and pick up a strand of B's hair and begin to twirl it round my fingers.  B doesn't bat an eyelid.  This is a common thing for me to do.

You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

But you know, but you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart

But you know, but you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight,

No you can't fight it

It's gonna get to your heart

     I hate lyrics like this.  While playing with B's hair I notice she's wearing the necklace and earrings I bought her for her birthday.  Delicate white gold chain with a shiny light blue stone, the earrings are the same stone.  Actually, I don't know why I'm surprised, she barely ever takes them off.  Which is great, because I've already bought her a ring to go with it all.

     It's at home wrapped up neatly for Christmas.  Yeah, I know, it's the first of November and I've already bought her present.  Actually, I bought it two months ago.

     I nod out of the window at the stars.  "Which one's mine again?"

     She smiles beautifully.  "See those three in a line?  It's the one on the right."

     "Are you sure?"  I ask.

     "Of course I am."  She replies, pulling a face that explains she doesn't have a clue what she's talking about.

     But she really did buy me a star.  Somewhere up there is a star named Faith Winter.  I have the certificate and everything.  The card meant more than the star though.  It said, "I tried to get you the world, but I couldn't afford it.  Do you mind if I do it piece by piece?"

     Ooh, I'm getting far too smushy here.

     "Wanna top-up?"  I ask gesturing to her empty glass.

     She nods and I weave my way through the crowd, pausing to dance a little.  I turn to B and mouth the words of the song to her.

There's no escaping love

Once a gentle breeze (once a gentle breeze)

Weaves it's spell upon your heart

And no matter what you think

It won't be to long

'Till your in my arms

Underneath the starlight, starlight

We'll be lost in the rhythm so right

Feel it steal your heart tonight

You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

But you know, but you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark you'll surrender your heart

But you know, but you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight,

No you can't fight it

No matter what you do

The night is gonna get to you.

(Your gonna know)

(That I know)

Don't try you're never gonna win

Underneath the starlight (starlight)

There's a magical feeling so right

It will steal your heart tonight

     I guess if me and B were together this would be our song, since the way we became friends was dusting vamps under the moonlight, but I guess that isn't as romantic as the whole Coyote Ugly thing.

     And besides, my leading lady is straight.

     When I return Clare has finally arrived.  She looks anaemic.  Her skin is so pasty white she's glowing blue under the UV lights.  I check her neck subtly, no, a vamp hasn't bit her, this is her natural look.

     And I thought I had problems.


     B and I exchange comments all night regarding everyone's appearance, dancing skills – or lack thereof – and other superficial things, but to be honest, we're bored stiff.

     I'm glad when B fakes a yawn and explains that she's very tired from work and tells Clare we're going.

     We get outside and breathe in cool fresh air, it's heavenly after the thick smog of the Bronze.  Sunny D's having a cold spell.  Freakish weather on the Hellmouth.  I tuck my scarf around my neck and realise I've lost my gloves.

     I hate this, we're in sunny California, and it's so cold I can see my breath.

     "You want one of my gloves?"  B asks.

     "I'm fine, really.  Anyway, if you do that we'll both have one cold hand."  I reply.

     "Pockets, you nonce."  She hands me a glove and I take it, a little stunned that it's black and not pastel pink.

     She threads a be-gloved hand through my arm and puts her other hand in her pocket, I follow suit.

     "You wanna come to my apartment?"  I ask.


     My apartment is a five minute walk from the Bronze, but sometimes we're laughing so hard, or talking so much it takes half an hour.  I'm hoping tonight will be one of those night.

     "I had a dream about you last night."  I tell her.

     "Oh, god, I hope it's not a prophesy dream.  I need a weeks' leave from Slaying."

     "Uh-huh, B.  It was a dream dream.  You know, freaky, weird, makes no sense at all."

     "Oh, in that case tell me."

     "Ok, remember when we went to England to visit Watcher HQ?  And remember we played hooky and got on a train and went to the beach?"

     "Yeah, Brightly or something."  She replies.

     "Brighton."  I correct.  "Yeah.  Remember there was a good pier and a bad pier?"

     "Bad Pier!"  She admonishes as if telling off a dog, and we crack up.

     A drunk collapsed in a doorway nearby belches loudly and inelegantly and we laugh again.

     "So you and me were on the Pier, in a café.  The good pier."

     "There wasn't a café on the pier."

     "Dream, B.  Work with me."  I grin.

     "Ok.  Go on."

     "Anyway, we're on the pier, and all of a sudden it vanishes.  Just you and me in this café being held up by one strut."

     B giggles.

     "Oh, it gets better.  Anyway, you say 'don't worry, we can get the roller coaster back.'"

     B laughs so hard at this that her legs give way and I smack into a bin.  I get the feeling it might take a record breaking forty-five minutes to get home tonight.

     "So we get on this roller coaster, and then that vanishes."

     "We're not having a good time on this Pier."  B notes.  "So what do we do?"

     "Well luckily there's a piece of wool stretched from the roof of the café to the beach, don't ask what it's attached to.  And there's also these multi coloured floats, like when you're learning to swim.  So we're freezing our asses off and we grab onto them."

     "And what happened?"  B asks when I pause.

     "And nothing.  I woke up.  Too weird-ass for me.  What do you think it means?"

     "You have a fear of commitment?  Isn't that what all dreams mean?"

     "What about the Pier?"

     "You have a fear of Piers… or committing to them."

     We laugh all the way back to my apartment.

     "Jeez, it's cold in here."  I flip on the heating, something I've never had to do before.  I grab the blanket off my bed and drag it into the lounge where B's settled.

     "Oooh, share."  She reaches eagerly for the blanket.

     We shove on a video, doesn't matter which one, we'll probably talk all the way through.

     I take off my boots and discover a hole in my sock.  "Typical."  I mutter.  "That was my last pair without holes."

     "Ooh, that reminds me."  B digs in her bag.  "I got you a present."

     "Um it's Clare's birthday, not mine."  I say, pretty much thrilled as B hands me a paper bag.

     "I know, I was shopping for her, but these just shouted 'Faith' when I was in the store."

     I reach into the bag and bring out a pair of rainbow socks.  With toes.  I raise my eyebrow at her.  "How did they scream Faith?"  I ask.  "Are you sure they were sincere?  I think they were yanking you, B."

     "I just like that totally unimpressed look you do.  And besides, you need socks."  She's barely hiding a smirk.

     "I need black socks."  I tell her, but all the same I'm taking off my old holey socks and trying on my new rainbow socks.  "How the fuck do you work these toes?"  I ask indignantly.

     "Takes practice."  She advises.

     "You've got a pair?  Oh, B, you nerd.  Much as I love you, you nerd!"

     "Thank you."

     We talk our own brand of nonsense for awhile, occasionally I wiggle my multicoloured toes at B and she cracks up.  The flat begins to warm up and B gets sleepy.  She leans back against me, and I do what I always do, I play with her hair.  Just a few strands, I don't plait it or anything, I just wind it round my fingers slowly enjoying the softness.

     "Riley was jealous of you."  She murmurs sleepily.  "He said I never let him play with my hair."

     "Really?"  I ask, even though she's told me a million times.

     "Yeah, so I told him that it was your trademark and he should find his own."

     I smile as B drifts off to sleep.  I could hate her for not loving me, but what would be the point?  I'd lose the best and most stable thing in my life.

     So I'll just be content with being her for her. 

     And despite what she said, I still hope…