It has not been easy but I would be lying if I said I regretted what happened. Well I do regret the pain I caused, but at least I know it was not all for nothing. Loretta was so unbelievably right! Leaving with Wayne was hard, but it would have been a whole lot harder to watch him leave alone.
The minute the old West house left our sight, a weight was lifted off us. We pulled over and just sat there with our foreheads resting together, breathing the new air.
Finally it was starting not to feel like a crime to be with the man I love.
I could cry for how much I love Loretta for everything she has done, god she is wise in her own messed up way. It seems like I got all the emotions and she got all the sense, but we both have heart. And Van, words can't say how much I love his innocent talent for seeing the good in people he loves, and not letting anyone change his mind. Even Mum has blown me away, she has dealt with this with so much strength, she could have the sky fall down and I swear she would still get by somehow. I just hope she forgives me one day. I doubt Jethro and Grandpa ever will. Shit I wonder what dad would think! I bet mum has already told him by now anyways.
So me and Wayne, we hit the road with all our stuff in his truck, and without much idea where on earth we would go. We both wanted the beach nearby so we thought we could head to Tauranga and see what we could find around there. We spent the first night in a hotel, and god it was heaven. There was no one to bother us, no one to worry about, just him and me and nothing to come between us. We behaved like little kids, exploring something that had once been forbidden, but now was ours... And to wake up with his arms around me and his warm breath on my neck and his smell in my hair was... Indescribable.
Oops I'm obsessing. Anyways I can't help it!
So it has been a while now since we left. We got a little rental near the beach in Papamoa where it is so beautiful. Wayne is trying to start up his own security business again and I'm helping him with the sales and attempting to help with the accounts. I have no idea why he lets me mess around with the figures, but hey, I can do no wrong in his eyes. Anyways I'm sure he just goes over it and fixes it all anyways. At least I hope he does...
It was my birthday not long ago and we went and sat on top of a dune at sundown and ate cake and stuck birthday candles in the sand around us. We really do act like silly love-struck teenagers sometimes!
Speaking of cake, I can't stop eating lately and I can smell a banana from a mile away, so me and Wayne are both thinking the same thing, that hopefully there might be another little person with us soon...
I wonder if Mum would come and visit if I am pregnant. Maybe that would be a bit too hard for her. I don't know though, we talk more lately and she actually seems happy. I wonder if Loretta has any news to tell me... I've been getting hints that Dad and Gary might move back here soon, so that would definitely lift her spirits. It would mean so much to me if she was really happy again one day. That would make my happiness complete.
Van and Elena came to visit a little while ago, and then Van came past again with Munter. Van and Wayne are so close, and it is nice to know that we haven't been totally cut off from the family. Loretta and Hayden would bring Janie down too if they weren't so busy with the brothel. Maybe one day I hope, because I still don't have the guts to go back to Auckland just yet.
I'm going to buy a pregnancy test tonight so fingers crossed. Wayne can't wait to be a daddy and I know he will be the best. He really is my world now. He is in everything i see and everything I feel and every thought I have. My love for him is alive and growing, and nothing gets me down when I know I have him and he has me. Together, life is going to be good for us, I can just tell.