Disclaimer: I don't own the DBZ gang a rich Japanese man does. I don't own any of the Nursery Rhymes either and after this attempt at insanity I'm not sure I want to. Credit must go to ShenLong for allowing me to swipe her idea for this fic.
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Humor, weirdness, OOC?, torture of Nursery Rhymes.
Summary: Chi Chi and Bulma have gone out for the evening and Vegeta and Goku are left to baby-sit Trunks and Goten.
Title: The Babysitters
Goku looked at Vegeta as they waved their respective wives off for the evening. "Come on Vegeta, don't look so down. They are our kids after all. Just how hard can it be to look after the two tykes for the evening?"
Vegeta scowled. "Three children you mean, Kakarott."
"Huh? There's only Trunks and Goten, Vegeta... That is unless you have another one hiding around here that I don't know about." Goku winked and gave Vegeta a friendly nudge.
"I was referring to you as the third child, Kakarott."
"Oh." Goku decided to ignore that comment and proceeded into the lounge room where Trunks and Goten were busy playing with an assortment of toy cars and trucks. The television was still going so Goku plonked himself down in a chair and began to watch what was showing.
Vegeta surveyed the scene, a small sneer on his face. The two youngsters were engaged in a game while the big kid was relaxing watching... Vegeta blinked and then groaned. "Kakarott... Do we have to watch that?"
"What do you mean, Vegeta? This show is okay, in fact, it's quite educational," Goku returned.
Vegeta sighed. "But, Sesame Street?"
"Nothing wrong with improving your mind," came the chirpy reply.
Vegeta rolled his eyes. It was going to be a loooong night.
~ oOo ~
The four sat around the dining table in the Capsule corp dome, finishing off the meal that Bulma had left for them. A wisp of smoke still drifted from the microwave and the stove was showing its battle scars with flourish. Picking out another sliver of meat from the charcoal mass, Trunks grimaced slightly. He popped the piece in his mouth and chewed, trying to ignore the occasional crunching of carbon.
Goten eyed the plate suspiciously and began to poke it with his fork, just in case the food was somehow still alive and would leap up and bite him. Deciding it was well and truly dead and definitely not edible, he put down his fork and began to whine. "I want something to eat."
"You have something to eat," replied Goku.
"That's not food... That's the remnants of a fire," whinged Goten.
"I'm not complaining," said Goku as he shoveled another forkful of the blackened, charred mass into his mouth.
"Kakarott, you would eat anything," scowled Vegeta. "I'm afraid I'm with the kids on this one. I am not eating that."
"Suit yourself. Not my fault your microwave doesn't want to work."
"Kakarott, when I said to nuke the food I did not mean it in the literal sense," Vegeta sighed and stood. He fiddled in the fridge for a few moments before returning with his arms laden. "I'm afraid it will have to be sandwiches."
"That's fine with me," smiled Goten.
"It's cool, dad." Trunks pushed the scorched food to one side and smiled a rather blackish smile.
Vegeta quickly made up some sandwiches and distributed them amongst the two hungry boys. He took a few rounds for himself and sat back at the table.
"Hey, where's mine?"
"You said you were enjoying what you had."
"No I didn't. I said I wasn't complaining."
"Then quite your griping now and finish off your meal."
~ oOo ~
Bathtime came and went with only some minor flooding. Trunks and Goten were in their pajamas and had brushed their teeth. "Okay, boys. Time for bed," called Goku from where he was mopping up the last of the water.
The two boys went into Trunks' bedroom and hopped into a bed each. Snuggling under the covers they looked up expectantly as Goku walked into the room to tuck them in. "I want a story," said Goten.
"Yeah, me too," came Trunks' voice.
Goku scratched his head. "Ummm... I don't know any stories guys."
"Stop whining brats and go to sleep," Vegeta gruffed from his position at the door.
"But mom always tells me a story before I go to bed," sniffed Goten.
"I can't go to sleep unless I have a story," whined Trunks.
Goku looked at Vegeta. "You know any stories, Vegeta?"
"The only ones I know would probably give them nightmares for a month," came the sullen reply.
"I know. What about some nursery rhymes instead?"
"That's okay with me, dad."
"Yeah, that sounds cool, Goku."
"Okay then." Goku sat himself down on a chair and began to think.
Vegeta smirked from his position of holding up the door frame. 'This should be good.' he thought to himself, and folded his arms across his chest.
"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe..."
"How come she didn't live in a house like the rest of us?" asked Goten.
"I don't know. It's just the way the rhyme goes."
"She must have been pretty small to live in a shoe," piped up Trunks.
Goku continued... "She had so many children she didn't know what to do..."
"How many kids did she have then?" asked Goten.
"I don't know. "
"She must have been catholic then," came Vegeta's muttered input.
Goku raised his eyebrows a little but opted to say nothing, instead he came up with another rhyme. "Jack Sprat could eat no fat..."
"Did he have a dietary condition then?" asked Trunks in all innocence.
"I think he must have," came Goten's wise reply.
"Old King Cole was a merry old soul..."
"I bet he was an alcoholic," Vegeta snickered.
Three sets of eyes turned to stare at him.
"What? It's logical isn't it? No one is merry all the time unless they are either on the bottle or.."
"I think that's enough information for now Vegeta." Goku glared at him. "Incy wincy spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed poor Incy out..."
"There's faster ways to get to the roof than up a drainpipe. Besides, why would you want to climb up a drain pipe when you know it's going to rain?"
Goku looked at Vegeta and shook his head. "Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon..."
Vegeta snorted. Goten and Trunks had decided it was more fun to watch the exchange between their respective fathers than ask their own questions.
"What now, Vegeta?"
"A cow cannot jump over the moon, Kakarott. It would take a significant force to firstly get the cow off the ground and out of the planet's gravitational pull. Then there is the small matter of lack of oxygen. The cow would need a space suit of some form. The re entry would also require certain adjustments to the suit... namely a heat shield otherwise you are going to get crispy steaks and boiled milk." Vegeta looked smug.
"Have you quite finished, Mr Genius?"
"You're the one that started this with these silly rhymes, Kakarott. They are detrimental to the brats' mental well being."
"How do you figure that out, Vegeta?"
"Think about it. You're telling them that these whimsical things can actually be done."
"They are just rhymes, Vegeta."
Goku smacked his head. "I don't believe this."
Vegeta snickered. For once he had got it over the other Saiya-jin.
Goku decided to continue anyway. " Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them..."
"Maybe the wolf got them," said Goten helpfully.
"Hickory Dickory Dock. the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one..."
"...and the other's escaped with minor cuts and bruises," said Trunks giggling madly. This was fun!
"Georgie Porgie pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry."
"I bet he was sick as well. Yuk! How could anyone kiss a girl?" said Goten as his face screwed up.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..."
"He obviously didn't have very good balance," snickered Vegeta.
Goku sighed. "Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row."
"And if you believe that you will believe anything," humphed Vegeta.
Goku stared at him. "What?"
"A garden doesn't grow with that stuff. Anybody can tell you it needs sunlight, water, dirt and shi- fertilizer."
"Mary had a little lamb..."
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candlestick..."
"Wow, great ball..."
"Don't even think it, Vegeta."
Vegeta scowled. "Spoil my fun why don't you?"
"Look, if you're so smart then why don't you put the kids to bed?"
"No need." Vegeta nodded in the direction of the two beds.
Goku turned and watched, a smile playing on his face as he watched the steady rise and fall of the sleeping boys' chests. He rose from his chair and made his way silently from the room, shutting the door behind him.
They returned to the lounge room and plonked back on the sofa again. "Now, that wasn't so hard," said Goku.
Vegeta just sneered and made a dive for the remote. He flicked through the channels before settling on one.
Goku rolled his eyes. "Vegeta?"
"Do we have to watch this?"
"Why not. It's educational as you would say. Besides I happen to like it and it's my television."
"Geeze and you had the gall to have a go at me with Sesame Street."
"Look, Kakarott, there's nothing wrong with this show. In fact you might even learn something useful."
"But, Vegeta... The Tellytubbies?"
~ Fin ~