So sorry for the lack of updates and the kind of unannounced 'hiatus'. I just want to let you guys know I have not given up on this story and I will finish it. Thank you so much for those of you who have kept with me throughout this process. REVIEW! Please?
Every fiber of his body is screaming, shouting at him to run. It makes his chest tighten with fear, and has something to do with un-identified commitment issues. He's never thought about voicing his feelings to Teddy but here she is, at his door. Well he's at his door but that doesn't matter… All the blood is drained out of his face and it feels like his heart is going to pound out of his chest. He doesn't want to be scared and freaked out, but he is. It takes everything to not run.
"I-I, what are you doing here?" PJ's voice cracks, giving away his nervousness. He is really freaking out inside. He hopes that he doesn't show it.
David is just standing there, glancing from Teddy to PJ. PJ sees him look at Emma, who is motionless on the couch.
"I- I was just leaving." Teddy says in a hurry. She pushes past him roughly and nearly runs to her car but then Emma's voice rings out, stopping her in her tracks.
"No one is going anywhere. We are getting to the bottom of this to clear the air." Emma is standing at the door, and PJ has no idea when she got up to get there. His mind is reeling and it feels like he can't catch his breath. Emma glances at him and immediately her features soften. She smiles at him and ushers him inside while rubbing his back. He sits down on the couch, and looks up to see Teddy being ushered inside as well by his foster mom. Teddy sits down cautiously on the chair in front of the couch. He probably looked like Teddy when he came here over two months ago: scared and confused.
"Now, for David's sake how about we start at the beginning?" PJ can tell Emma is trying to get them to start somewhere-anywhere. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. He can't find his voice or compose a sentence in his mind. Teddy seems to get that because she starts.
"I don't even know how or when it started-" Teddy gets cut off by PJ suddenly realizing what he wants to say.
"You were holding Charlie and wearing a light pink dress for a date you had with Spencer." PJ holds back a growl at the mention of Teddy's ex-boyfriend. Now he understands that he hated the guy so much out of jealousy he had not yet discovered. "I remember Charlie said something incoherent and you laughed. Your eyes lit up as you talked to her, and you were trying to make her say it again when Charlie pointed at me. You looked up and you still had that amazing smile on your face. It took my breath away."
PJ feels a smile tug at his lips and he is happy, just in that moment where he is back in that memory. It was so uncomplicated and easy. He didn't know how he felt and how wrong it was so it was simple to push it away. But now things are different. That thought pulls him back into reality and he realizes that everyone's attention is on him. He uncomfortably shifts in his seat, and he glances at Teddy, afraid of what he might see. His heart quickens when he sees her face in a similar trance, with a smile tugging at her lips and her eyes glazed as if she were recalling the memory too. He looks at his foster parents and his smile drops.
Emma doesn't have her smile that shows her perfect teeth. She is just sitting there, devoid of any emotion readable to him. It scares him to think what she is thinking about. This is uncharted territory to him and he can't predict the reactions of anyone in the room. He looks at David and is surprised that the man has a smirk on his face. Emma's gaze follows his own and she too is surprised at David's smirk. Emma leans into her husband and whispers something in his ear. Soon that smirk is gone and replaced by an unsure, pitying, small smile. It's not even a smile; it is more like a grimace disguised by an upward lift.
"So…" David's voice seems to snap Teddy out of her thoughts and she nervously shifts in her seat. PJ can't look over at her. Not after what he just admitted. What kind of a loser was he that he remembers exactly what Teddy was wearing when the first butterflies in his chest fluttered?
"So I guess we figured that out. Now- we have a couple of options that we can go from here." Emma glances at David once more before looking at the both of them. PJ can tell this isn't going to go well.
"Teddy and PJ, you guys could go your separate ways but get closure right here and now." David says and PJ can feel his heart sink. A part of him knew that might be what is happening but he doesn't know if he wants closure. Not seeing Teddy again? It kills him to think about it so he holds out for the next choices.
"Or, you two can work out what you think you have and we can help you figure it out too…" Emma seems less sure about that option but continues. "Or, we call Teddy's parents and let them intervene as well."
"No!" Teddy's sudden outburst startles him as well as Emma and David. They all look at her, and she shrinks down in her chair. PJ doesn't think that she will look at him until it is too late; his blue eyes meet hers and his breathing hitches in his throat. Teddy is the first to break their eye contact.
"My parents don't know I tracked PJ down and came here. They think I am staying at a friends." Teddy doesn't make eye contact with anyone in the room and PJ feels his heart ache for her. He doesn't want her in pain or to be ashamed. He doesn't want to be ashamed but he knows they both feel the same: confused and humiliated.
"Well, umm, I guess that leaves the two choices then." Emma says softly but PJ can hear a slight edge. He still doesn't know how his foster parents feel.
"What do you guys think we should do?" PJ's voice cracks as he struggles to maintain composure. There is so much pressure riding on this moment, on the decision of what he and Teddy should do. Should they bury their feelings and past or try and move forward, together?
Emma and David look at each other and it looks like they are silently communicating. PJ takes a second to turn towards Teddy. She still doesn't meet his gaze.
"I am so sorry, Teddy. I never meant to hurt you. I have been such a jerk. When I came here, I was still hurt and confused about being lied to about my real parents and I didn't know how to handle my feelings for you. I was angry with Amy and Bob and thinking about you confused everything. I- I thought that it would be easier to let you go and to let my old life go. I still haven't figured out who I am without Amy and Bob but I do know that I am better when you are with me." His eyes sting with tears. The images around him blur as the water clouds his vision but he can tell Teddy is now looking at him. Out of the corner of his eyes, he can tell David and Emma has stopped their silent conversing and are looking at him.
"I thought you hated me." Teddy's voice is small, afraid of being heard but he hears her. Uncontrollable guilt rises in him and his tears finally break through and run down his cheeks. "I thought that you couldn't stand thinking of me because I reminded you of your old life that you wanted to leave behind. I thought you wanted to leave me behind."
"I never wanted to do that! You have to believe me when I say that. I hoped you would forget about me."
"Why would I want to do that?" Teddy yells at him.
"Because you could never be with a guy like me!" PJ yells back. He has to take a moment to recover from his outburst. His face flushes with embarrassment. He stands up and begins to pace. It has always helped him clear his thoughts. "You are pretty, and smart and all the guys you go out with are the opposite of me. And I knew that you would never share my feelings."
So what did you think? This is getting intense, right? I hope this is worth the wait and I hope the next chapter will come a lot sooner than this one. Please, please REVIEW and COMMENT!