Disclaimer: I don't own the DBZ gang a rich Japanese man does. Also I don't own the TV show "Blue's Clues" and I don't want to either. They all belong to their respective copyright agencies. We just borrowed them, mixed them up and had a little fun. :)
Warnings: Humour, angst, ridiculing of children's icons...
Notes: Yet another in what I now term the pre school arc. Following the success of "Saiya-jin school" and "Bananas in Pyjamas" Its time to once more let the hero's loose and destroy... errrr help out with another of channel 2's well known shows.
"Blues Hints "
Author: Debs-dragon & SSjMatty.
Well known music springs up as the camera swings to focus on a rather crude drawing of a house. The camera follows the path to peer inside a window. Camera pulls back again to the outside and follows the progress of a large fluffy blue thing bouncing around the pathway before aiming for the front door and swiftly entering the house.
Camera pans around a lounge room and then stops as it finds the forms of two things; one a human and the other - a dog?
"Hello there boys and girls," said the human that looked rather a lot like Goku. "I'm Steve if you didn't already know," he gave a goofy grin and waved. "And this is my dog, Blue." He indicated to a blue thing on the floor next to him that bore an uncanny resemblance to Vegeta.
"Now that's not a nice way to greet the boys and girls, Blue," admonished 'Steve'.
"Growl. How come I end up as the dog?" asked Blue.
"Quite simple really, Vegeta. You always wear that blue spandex. Go figure."
Blue cocked his head and thought for a moment. "Sometimes I wear black."
"Minor detail. Most times you are in blue so therefore you get the job of Blue. Besides, you're smaller than me." smirked Goku, aka Steve.
Blue, aka Vegeta, couldn't really argue that one. He looked around the set and wondered just how he had managed to get collard (literally) yet again for one of these stupid kids shows. He rubbed his neck where the collar was chafing him slightly. Yep, collard just about summed it up.
"Can we continue with the show now, Blue?"
"Not really," huffed Blue.
Goku looked at the producer for confirmation to start with the show.
The producer looked back and nodded his head then took a long pull at the bottle of Whiskey he had stashed in his megaphone. It was going to be a long show... Why did these things always have to happen to him? He recalled arriving at work to find that Steve and Mr Pepper had absconded together, Blue had gone into depression, not having a clue as to why Steve would leave him after all this time, and been carted off to some insane asylum for mentally disturbed dogs; and Mrs Salt, now free from her overpowering condiment had completely flipped her lid, run rampant through the place and been packed off to the salt mines.
He looked at his substitutes... and took another swig. He supposed he was lucky in one way that these two had been available at such short notice, although after the demise of the Teddies in 'Bananas' he thought he would have learnt by now... but the show must go on as they say and so reluctantly he was stuck with these pair.
The cameras started to roll once more. Blue bounded ahead with Goku trailing behind. "Today boys and girls we are going to take a look at Bathrooms," said Goku. "Bathrooms are a very special place in our houses."
"It's important to look after your bathroom as all sorts of nasty things can grow in here," said Goku as he entered the bathroom.
Blue, aka Vegeta, bounded ahead making funny wuffy noises.
"There's all sorts of things we do in bathrooms. Take a look around and see if you can think of things we do in a bathroom," said Goku with that trademark goofy grin still plastered to his face.
"Woof... woof..ruff... grrr..."
"What's that Blue? There's something you want to do in the bathroom?" said Goku.
"No, I just make these weird noises for the hell of it, Kakar... umm, Steve."
Choosing to ignore that last comment from the blue bundle, Goku continued with the script. "I wonder what it is that Blue wants to do in the bathroom boys and girls."
Vegeta rolled his eyes.
"Hey, I know... lets play Blue's Hints to find out."
"The boy's a genius," muttered Vegeta.
"What was that Blue?"
"Umm, ruff, ruff?"
"Well boys and girls, you all know how to play Blue's Hints so when you spot a paw print let me know as that's a hint for what Blue wants to do." Goku looked around to see where Blue had disappeared to.
Camera swings around and shows a shot of Blue about to cock his leg.
"BLUE!" yelled Goku.
"What are you doing?"
"Ruff... woof... grrr... yap... howl... whimper."
Goku scratches his head. "Ummmmm..."
Blue shakes his head. "I'm trying to leave a paw print, you idiot."
"Oh... Silly me. I thought... Oh never mind." Goku gives another silly grin. "Right, let's go to the laundry and get some cleaning stuff so we can clean the bathroom and make sure that all the nasty germs that can live here don't get the chance to multiply and make us sick."
Goku makes out like he's walking as the background revolves behind. Blue has pranced off ahead...
*Thump... bang...crash* "Ow...dammit! Who the heck left that there?" *zap*
"Great, Blue... now we don't have a mop or bucket."
"Ruff... ruff... who gives a stuff..."
The producer covers his eyes with his hands and shakes his head. He waves to one of the stage hands who pushes a button on the small console in front of him. The speakers spring into life and the sound of a couple of kids voices grace the air. Blue covers his ears, so does Goku.
"What the heck is that infernal noise?" asked Goku.
"Sounds like the kids have been at the helium balloons again," sniggered Blue.
"A hint... a hint..." came the sad excuses for kids voices.
Goku looked around. "Where?" he asked the camera.
"Over there, thick head," growled Blue.
Goku looked around the laundry and spotted a paw print. "Ahhh a clue..."
Blue looked like he was about to throw up.
"This means we need our... Handy dandy note book." Goku fished around in his pocket and brought out a rather cheap looking notebook and pencil. "Now, let's sketch the clue shall we?"
"Ohh please..." woofed Blue.
Goku turned back to the object. "Hmmmm a battery and some wire." He began to draw the items in his note book. "I wonder what Blue wants with a battery?"
Blue slunk out of the laundry.
"Oh well, I think we will need to get some more hints before we can work out what it is that Blue wants to do in the bathroom. Okay I have the cleaning gel so let's head back to the bathroom and do some cleaning shall we?" said Goku and once more proceeded to 'walk' back to the bathroom.
Once back in the room Goku wets a sponge and squeezes some gel onto it. "If we don't keep the bathroom clean not only will the soap scum build up but the mold will grow and then we will get all sorts of yukky bacteria flying around."
"Ruff... woof," said Blue.
"Glad to see you agree, Blue."
"Yowl. I was trying to tell you to remove the plug from the sink, it's beginning to overflow."
"Ooops... silly me." Goku quickly removed the plug.
Finishing off the sink he gave it one last wipe over. "There we go, all sparkling. Now for the toilet."
Blue cocked an eyebrow.
Goku lifted the toilet lid and absently reached for the brush.
"Yap! Yap! Yap!"
"A hint... A hint..." came the obnoxious voices again.
Goku looked around in amazement. "I hear voices," he said scratching his head.
"Of course you do," growled Blue.
"Did someone say something?" asked Goku looking around, "Or am I just hearing things?"
"Maybe you should get a psycho check," muttered Vegeta.
Goku reached for the brush again.
"Woof... woof... WOOF! A hint you damn idiot!"
Goku looked at his hand that held the brush. "Ohhh... silly me. It's another hint."
Sure enough there was a blue paw print on the brush.
"Hang on a tic, this isn't the toilet brush, this is Blue's brush."
"And you had better not even think about cleaning the loo with it," growled Vegeta and bared his fangs.
Ignoring the irate 'dog' Goku fished again in his pocket. "We need the handy dandy note book again."
Goku brought the note book to light and flipped over the page. Carefully he drew a picture of a hair brush on the page. "Hmmm... we have a battery and some wire and now a brush... I wonder what it is that Blue wants to do in the bathroom? I guess we will have to wait for the third clue." Pocketing the note book again Goku grabbed the brush and went to plunge it in the toilet bowl.
Goku yelped as a flying blue bundle sank its teeth into his arm. He jumped back in shock and the hairbrush went flying through the air... straight at the producer.
"Incoming!" yelled the stage hand and ducked under his electronics table. The producer looked up to see the hair brush gravitating towards him and his reflexes kicked in. Raising the megaphone the brush bounced off the rim and sailed across to the camera man. Said man, who surely must have been a gunner in the navy, maneuvered the camera with lightening speed to deflect the missile back across the set where it collided with one talking clock before ricocheting back once more to come to a sudden halt as it found the immovable barrier that was the back of Goku's head.
The brush dropped to the floor where it lay dead, flat on its back with its bristles in the air.
Goku rubbed the back of his head where the blow had landed. "Damn insects."
The producer studied the dent in his megaphone while the stage hand crawled out from his hiding spot. The camera man was looking pretty smug at having warded off the threat while the clock had been reduced to a pile of springs and wires.
Blue crawled over to his brush and picked it up, gently cradling it in his hands, ummm... paws, he looks down sadly at the item then at Goku. "You killed it," he whispered. "You killed my brush..."
The studio was flooded with a heart wrenching howl of anguish.
to be continued...