Disclaimer: I don't own the DBZ gang a rich Japanese man does. Also I don't own the TV show "Blue's Clues" and I don't want to either. They all belong to their respective copyright agencies. We just borrowed them, mixed them up and had a little fun. :)
Warnings: Humour, angst, ridiculing of children's icons...
Notes: Yet another in what I now term the pre school arc. Following the success of "Saiya-jin school" and "Bananas in Pyjamas" Its time to once more let the hero's loose and destroy... errrr help out with another of channel 2's well known shows.
"Blues Hints "
Author: Debs-dragon & SSjMatty.
The studio was flooded with a heart wrenching howl of anguish.
"What is that infernal racket?" exclaimed 'Steve'.
"My brush... Yowl... howl... whimper... You killed my brush..."
Goku stared at the slightly mangled brush. "Its only missing a few bristles, Blue."
'Blue' stared at the half bald brush. "You call that a few?"
"You could always send it to Krillin for Christmas."
"Or maybe not."
The air was shattered by a piercing whistle. Blue stuck his hands over his ears as did Steve.
"What the hell is that awful noise?" yelled Blue.
"Oh shit, it's the mail box," said Steve as he ran back across the 'set' to sit in the big armchair. Reaching said chair he plonked down in it only to disappear backwards into the depths.
Blue, having followed at a more leisurely pace, was reduced to hysteria as he watched Steve trying to haul himself out of the armchair's clutches.
Just as Steve surfaced so the mailbox took that opportunity to shoot in through the window and hit him fair in the side of the head.
The mailbox was reduced to a concertina shape as Goku rubbed his temple and tried to stop from sliding back into the dark recesses of the armchair.
The producer took another swig from the now depleted bottle of whiskey and groaned. "You forgot the mail song."
"What mail song?"
"The one you're supposed to sing when the mail box calls out MAIL!"
"Nobody told me that."
"It was in the script, Goku."
"Ummmm... which page?"
Page 7 I think."
Goku quickly fished in his pocket and withdrew the script. He leafed through. "Errr, I don't have page 7."
Blue thought now was a good time to exit.
"Hey, Blue. You didn't happen to see what happened to page 7, did you?"
"Gruff, woof... growl." Blue carefully pushed the shredded bits under the armchair.
"Oh well, looks like I will have to make up my own mail song then."
"Don't bother!" yelled the entire studio employees. They had all been privy to Goku's rendition of singing before and a repeat performance was not on the priority list.
"Let's just get on with the show... please?" said the producer.
"Okay then, you're the boss," said Goku and he continued with the show. He looked at the rather shortened mailbox. "Ummmm... Have you got some mail for us mail box?"
The mail box just bounced up and down a couple of times emitting a faint whine.
"I'll take that as a yes." Goku reached for the end of the box. Pulling on the little knob he yanked down the door and retrieved a battered looking letter from inside. He turned it over and smoothed it out. Tearing it open he pulled out the letter.
"This letter, boys and girls, is from a person who calls themselves SSjMatty." Goku studied the letter intently.
"What's the matter Steve? Can't you read?" sniggered Blue.
Steve gave Blue a look that clearly said 'get off my case' before clearing his throat. "Okay, this letter comes from a person called SSjMatty and he writes... Dear Steve and Blue, It has been my misfortune to have watched your show on a couple of occasions and I really would like to ask this question. What the heck do kids see in a freaky show such as this? I mean, talking mailboxes, condiments that communicate and not to mention picture frames that house a completely different plane of existence. I thought this was supposed to be an educational, children's program? It strikes me as one that borders between insanity and downright bizarre. Just what is it you are trying to teach the young of today? How to become total stuff ups?
Blue looked up at 'Steve', a wry smirk on his face. "Get out of that one, genius," he thought.
Goku contemplated the letter for a moment then with a shrug of his shoulders he came to a decision. "In reply to SSjMatty's letter, boys and girls, I have a question for him... What on earth is a 20yr old such as yourself doing watching this stuff anyway? I think you need to get a life buddy and leave the kids alone."
Goku sat back and smiled, feeling pretty smug with himself.
Blue just looked at him in disbelief.
Standing up Goku began to 'walk' across the set once more. "Time to get back to our cleaning of the bathroom, boys and girls. Now we need to get the mop and bucket to wash the floors."
Steve went back to the laundry.
"A clue! A clue!" came the voices.
Goku looked around. "There go those voices again." He shook his head. "I really must make another appointment with the shrink," he muttered.
"Woof... woof... woooffffff! It's another clue you damn idiot!"
Goku looked up to see a blue paw print. He scratched his head. "Oh I see... it's another one of those clue thingys." Goku stared at the tube of superglue that was partially obscured by the paw print. "This means we need the ... handy, dandy note book.
Goku pulled out the notebook and proceeded to sketch a picture of the superglue onto the page.
A light bulb lit up over Goku's head. "You know what this means, boys and girls? We now have all three clues!"
"No shit Sherlock," came the growl from Blue.
Ignoring the puppy, Goku continued. "This means that we can figure out what it is Blue wants to do in the bathroom. But to do that we need to sit in the ... thinking chair."
Steve once again made his way across the set to the 'thinking chair' where he sat down on the edge. He opened up the note book and scanned the three clues. "Okay, our first clue was a battery and wire."
A small bubble appeared above Goku's head with a picture of the battery and wire in it.
"Hey that's pretty nifty. I had no idea I could do that," said Goku.
"Grrrrr... you can't idiot. It's called the wonders of television," growled Blue.
"I knew that," huffed Steve. He looked back to the notebook. "Our next clue was a bald hairbrush and the third clue is a tube of superglue. Hmmm now what could Blue want to do with all three of these? I know! Blue wants to stick the wires to the battery and then to the hairbrush to make a motorized hair brush!"
Blue flopped over on his back and put a paw over his eyes. "Grrrr... I don't believe how thick you can be sometimes, Steve."
"Okay, so maybe not. Well what do you suggest Blue?"
"Hey, you're the one whose supposed to be figuring this out not me, I only give you the hints," growled Blue.
"Then how's about giving me a few more hints," whispered Goku who really didn't have a clue.
Blue rolled his eyes then stood up and whispered in Goku's ear.
"Ahhh... I think I know what it is that Blue wants to do now, boys and girls."
"What, Steve, What?"
"Blue wants to do his hair."
"You think it's easy to keep my hair like this?" exclaimed Blue. "Well it isn't."
"So first you brush it, Blue..."
"Ruff. That gets the static electricity running through it."
"Then you shock it with the battery pack and wires."
"Yap. That makes it stand up on end."
"And then you put the glue in..."
"Wuff. That makes sure it stays up properly. You think hair like this is natural? I have an image to uphold here, you know," wuffed Blue.
The sound of someone bashing a tin can with a stick echoed through the set. Goku jumped up off his chair, partly from the battery pack that Blue had dragged up behind him and partly because he realized it was time for the song. He opened his mouth and began to scree... errr sing, "We just figured out Blues Hints, We just figured out Blues Hints, We just figured out Blues Hints, cause we're really smart."
The song was accompanied by some sort of weird looking dance around the set which Blue opted to hide from. He already knew Steve was mad, he just didn't need the visual confirmation.
Steve stopped his prancing and looked for Blue. "So tell me, Blue, we have figured out the clues and know you want to do your hair, but what for?"
Blue just smirked and scampered back to the bathroom. Steve followed.
The sound of a thinly bristled brush greeted Steve as he stood in the doorway.
"Fizzzt... Zap!" the battery pack was applied.
"Glump..." The glue added.
One freshly spikey haired Blue re appeared.
"So what is it you are getting your hair done for?"
"Ruff... ruff... ruff... I'll give you three hints," woofed Blue. "Pass me the notebook."
Steve handed over the notebook.
Quickly Blue scribbled the three hints on the page and handed it back to Steve. Steve stared at the page and scratched his head. "I don't get it."
The first page contained a picture of Blue.
The second page contained a picture of another dog exactly the same as Blue but in a horrible pink color.
The third page held a question mark.
"Ummm help me out here a bit, Blue."
At that point in time the doorbell rang. Blue bounded ahead of Steve and opened the door to reveal...
A horrible pink dog.
"Ahhh, Magenta," said Steve. "Have you come to join the show?" asked Goku.
"Yip... yap... No. I'm going out on a date with Blue," replied Magenta (aka Bulma).
Goku looked at the pages again. "Ohh, I see Blue. You are taking Magenta out."
"But what's the question mark for the third hint mean?"
Blue rolled his eyes. "Yowl... Howwwwwwwwwwlllllllll" and with that both Blue and Magenta took off out the door and down the pathway to disappear off the set.
Steve stood still confused in the doorway. Then a bright red flush worked up his face. "Ohhh... I think I get it..."
The producer, having finished his bottle, slumped off his chair making funny blubbering noises. The camera man patted his arm sympathetically. "Just cue the end song," he mumbled.
Music sprang up and Steve began to do his funny dance again as he took up the words...
"Now it's time for so long...
But we'll sing just one more song...
Thanks for doing your part,
You sure are smart,
You know with me and you
And my dog Blue,
We can do anything
That we want to do."
"Bye..." called Steve and waved madly as the camera pulled away from the house and back down the pathway.
The door swung shut.
And thus ends another adventure into the realm of the pre schoolers educational show.
Deb: "So how was that Matt?"
Matt: "Okay but why did I have to be the letter writer?"
Deb: "Ummmm Main authors privilege. ^_^ "
Matt: "Wasn't my fault I said the show was freaky."
Deb: "You should know by now that saying things around me can be dangerous."
Deb: * Flounces off to see what else is showing on channel 2. *
Matt: * Books a holiday somewhere far away from Deb. *