Hello darlings and welcome to my lovely new column all about the hottest relationships in town. My quick quotes quill and I will be interviewing the hottest couples residing in London, so make sure you never miss an issue of Witch Weekly from now on.
My first couple are the rather odd- no, no, no don't write that, quill. We've got to make it sound more appealing to our readers. My first couple features the prominent Mr Harry Potter and his wife to be Ginny Weasley. I don't know why Potter has gone for a nobody like Miss Weasley, but that is what I'll be finding out in my article.
So, without further ado, here is the article, with no omissions.
Mr Potter, the poor, lonely orphan child who was brought up by a magic hating family (oh, the shame) is here with me today to discuss his tragic past and tell me why he has chosen the plain, red haired Ginny as his fiancé. Mr Potter, if you please, I'm sure we would all like to know why you chose such a plain woman as your fiancé, when every witch in London is begging for your hand.
I chose Ginny because I love her, and because she is really nice. And why on earth is your quill calling her plain? Just look at her today!
Ah yes. For all of you readers who are dying to know what Miss Weasley was wearing, I'll tell you. Her green dress really didn't match her eyes and the whole style seemed a little- scratch that, we have to be dramatic- very frumpy.
What on earth are you talking about, you old bat! That's a lie and you know it!
Potter is getting on his high horse now. He seems super protective over his soon to be wife; I wonder how the strong headed Miss Weasley will be able to cope with this in the future. Miss Weasley, are you not worried that married life with Mr Potter will be claustrophobic and that he will be the one in control?
Of course not. Harry is a wonderful man. He makes my dreams come true. Only the other day, he bought me a gorgeous diamond ring. It was ever so expensive. He gives me so much more than what I ever got at home, living as I did with an oversized, hideously poor family- Hey! I didn't say that! Stop insulting my family!
Of course, the delightful couple may not last long. In this crazy world, we never know what will happen. I'm betting that they will split up within the week, and the star studded wedding will be off.
That will never happen! I love Ginny with all of my heart.
He says this now, but remember when Mr Potter declared undying love to a certain Miss Hermione Granger during his fourth year at Hogwarts? Regular readers will remember that Mr Potter and Miss Granger shared a sneaky kiss, despite the fact that Miss Granger was dating the famous seeker, Viktor Krum, at the time. Of course, that Hermione has always been the promiscuous one of the so called 'Golden Trio'. They're not so golden now, are they? Not now I'm revealing all of their secrets.
Harry, we're leaving. I can't bear to be anywhere near this dreadful woman any longer.
As Harry Potter dutifully follows his wife out, we're all wondering, how is he going to put up with her?
I'll see you next week, darlings!