World In Flames By Nadja Lee 12/03/02
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Disclaimer: "X-men" and all the characters here belong to Marvel, 20 Century Fox and I intend no infringement, this is a piece of amateur fan fiction, and I make no money of it.
Only the original idea contained within this work is the property of the author. Please do not copy this story to any website or archive without permission of the author.
Timeline: Set in the movie universe. After the movie.
Universe: Set in the movie universe; NOT the book which goes with it.
Romance: Xavier/Erik (Magneto)
Summary: Erik thinks about his relationship with Xavier and his view on the world.
Archiving: Want, ASK, take, have.
Feedback: Yes, please. My e-mail address is email@example.com
Sequel/series: Comparison piece to "Where The Lost Ones Go"
It seems over the years I write more about you than I do anything else. I've kept this journal almost since the end of the war but since I've met you all my entries start with 'dear Charles'. Well, I always found it stupid to write 'dear diary'. Why would I write anything to a book anyhow?!
Do you know what day it is today, Charles? Do you remember? Today it is 20 years since we first met. Maybe you don't want to remember. You haven't changed much since then, have you? I know you gave your X-men orders not to kill me on the Statue but I'm sure you didn't explain why. Why is it still so hard fort you to say? To accept? You're homosexual and so am I. Say it! Accept it. Why do you care what other people think? They'll think what they choose anyway. They're blind and can't see that love is pure in all its forms. Who are they to judge us anyway? They don't see that they're playing God and they have no right to do that. Religion is fine to keep hope up in a difficult time but the day it becomes more important than human lives and respect and love for others, is the day religion dies and the worshipper plays God himself. Any religion that outlaws love isn't worth worshipping anyway. Don't fear punishment for what you are for who has made you so but nature or God, depending on what you believe in? Don't be afraid to be what you are; there is no normal for we're all different.
When we were together you didn't want to accept it either. Even though I convinced you to marry me; and that was hard considering the times but still when we met people you'll introduce me as your friend or even your brother but never your lover and partner. I wonder if you ever told your students you were once married to Magneto? No, of course you didn't. You can't build a relationship on lies so we fell apart. Have you ever regretted that now when you sit in your mansion alone fighting to maintain an appearance and living up to other people's standards?
I've been in this plastic prison for almost a year now. I hope Raven will get me out soon; I can't take much more. I have nightmares, I dream of death, of mass graves, of broken bodies and ovens…the sickening stench of burnt flesh sending a sweet aroma over the camp……I dream of standing in a crowd, naked and shaking……I'm in a shower only water doesn't flow but gas….I can't see, I can't breathe…….I try to fight but I can't. Out the door I see them laughing at my dying struggles; Nazi guards who turn into ordinary humans I pass on the street everyday for they are the same. No one is born evil or born a racist; they become like that in time.
During the war I was locked up, doctors probing me, testing me…….this place…any place that locks me up makes me remember the past; all the pain, the bodies, the agony but above all; the hate in the guards eyes. Like we were nothing, not even animals. We were Jews and that alone made us unworthy to live. Over the years nothing has chanced.
I once spoke with a man and asked him if America could have a coloured president. No, he answered, sounding shocked. When I asked why he said that was not the way things were. Disgusted I asked if he was a racist which he denied yet still he had denied a man could be president knowing only the colour of his skin.
Humans hate; that is in their nature. After the war I had hope that there would be no more mass graves and mass executions but I was wrong; Bosnian, Somalia, Guatemala, Rwanda, Russia, Cambodia, Chile…..choose next to any country and it has happened to one part of the population or another. Even here in America; land of the free and land of opportunities. How many Native Americans weren't brutally slathered in the past? How many coloured weren't persecuted for no other crime than a darker colour of their skin? Land of the free; yes if you're white, male, 'Christian' and human…..land of opportunities; yes if you're rich.
Europe have had its wars and made its mistakes. Slowly it seems it's ready to start over and try tolerance and equality for all. It's not perfect; no country will ever be perfect for no human is perfect but sincerely trying…that is all I ask.
I do not want war, I never did. I've seen too many deaths, too much misery to ever wish a war but sometimes there's no other way. In the 30's Europe was so afraid of a new war it overlooked Hitler and his persecution of Jews and non-Aryans. First when Poland was attacked, when every child had lost loved ones and seen bodies lying broken on the ground did they react and it was too late.
Don't you see, Charles? People like you and your methods, your dream of peace is accepted because as long as you're no threat against the rule they can ignore you. You won't make any difference. The power still stays where it always has, injustice still flourish and we're still left here at the bottom. Don't be a fool, Charles. Do something!
I do not wish to inflict pain needlessly and I never wanted to kill Rogue; you know I'm not like that but sometimes sacrifices must be made. This time I'll not go down without a fight. This time I'll not wait till I have another number tattooed into my arm.
Why do you dream of peace, Charles? The world has never seen peace and never will. It is not in the human nature. First every country battled each other, then they began to possess other far away countries as colonies and took slaves, claiming the slaves they took weren't human. They knew the slaves were human; no one is that stupid but they had to believe they weren't for if they first admitted their coloured slaves were humans they admitted to having done a terrible crime and that they couldn't live with nor accept so they continued deceiving themselves. Wars followed; collimating in the two great world wars. Finally after the last one, after broken countries, millions of dead on all sides, after the birth of regimes of hate and racism………finally it was all over. The world could have had peace. But instead the world was divided into two as old allies became enemies; one holding on to cold reality; looking out for number one and the other clinging to an impossible dream which quickly turned into a nightmare and soon the world lived in fear again. Children were raised to hate; red, yellow or green…….colours as always. People being shot for trying to escape their own country, children hiding under their desks during army drills. Two great men leading two very different countries could stop a third world war, that both sides' military wanted, only hours before it was to begin as missiles on a small island could have triggered the end of all we have ever known.
Finally, the wall fell and the world could once again have enjoyed peace. Again, the chance was passed by. My own people; given a country after hundreds of years without one……only years had passed before it lay in constant fighting with its neighbours. A war breaking out over oil while Tibet is being forgotten as mocks are being slathered. Every country trying to obtain weapons of mass destruction while its population is starving. Suicide bombers, terror raids……..countries bombed to pieces with plans of more to follow.
Do you see now, old friend? There is no peace but in death.
I didn't start this fire, it has always burned. Put two people on this world and they'll fight. So are the nature of things. Goodness is rewarded with death……J.F.K., Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Diana……..Jesus. Pick any man or woman the world will say was a good man or woman and you'll see…….they're all dead.
I do not want to lose you, Charles, and I do not want to fight you. I have no dream anymore; I can't afford to. But you have. Come to me and dream for me. There is no reason for us to fight; why do you protect them? Why do you fight? You don't have to prove anything; not to me and not to them. What are you fighting for?
You left me then; you were afraid of them, of their hate and intolerance. Don't fear anymore. Be yourself and be proud of it.
*Sigh* You'll never read this and I'll never hold you again, never kiss you again and never tell you what's in my heart but this I can say………..I'll always love you. Our views may be different but I can still love you and isn't that what we're fighting for? Survival and the right to believe in what we choose? On that we can agree at least.
Know this that I've willed it so that when I die my journal will be send to you. It'll be too late for you and me but it already is anyway…….but maybe reading this will help you understand and will help you and other others to see…….I'm not an evil man. Every human has the choice; they can do good, they can do evil……or they can do nothing. Inactivity equals murder in all cases and I choose life. Life for my race and my people. They will never give it to us like they wouldn't then.
A dream of peace is beautiful but don't you see? Humans will always fight. You can't stop them alone. They'll never understand.
So I choose to fight for us, fight for the ones who are called 'freaks', 'outsiders' and 'weaklings'. I fight for the ones the big men wish had never been born. The old rules are corrupted and unjust. Maybe new blood will bring about a new era; we could start over and this time do it right. I do not wish a war but I didn't start this. They did and they always have.
Think about it, my friend and my love…….think about it.