Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight.

So this twisted, mockery of police officers everywhere is for one of my favorite perverts, Lauren, The Benefit Of Mr. Kite, (formerly ParamorFanFrLif). She requested that I write her a one-shot involving police officer Edward.

Okay, let's go see Edward serve up some lemony justice ; )

VOTE FOR PEDRO-

"God, Rose, do you know how many rules I'm breaking for you right now? I'm going to get there when I get the- oof," I huffed when my knee jerked against the dashboard, "I'll be there soon, okay, try not to freak out."

I bent down to take the heel of my Jimmy Choo into my mouth and dropped it onto the floor of the car to slide my foot into, repeating the process with the other one.

I let the phone rest in the nook in between my cheek and my shoulder as she babbled off about how I was inconveniencing her.

I rested my tongue on the side of my mouth in concentration as I rose my right foot up to steer the wheel (my left accelerating and decelerating) while I brought my hands down to zip up the side of my pencil skirt. I unzipped my sweatshirt, swerving inevitably and dangerously, and tossed it onto the passenger seat, left in my lace bra. I was just about to grab my shirt when the grandpa in front of me thought he was driving Miss Fucking Daisy up there and slowed down to twenty on the freeway.

I leaned my head out of the window and started yelling, "Speed up, you old fucker! I'm going to be late!"

"Bells, who the hell are you talking to! You're going to be late to the-"

I raised my head up back into the car, but not before my cell phone went flying from the safety of my neck.

And into the now cracked windshield of a car that had just pulled into the freeway.

The now cracked windshield of a police car that had just pulled into the freeway.

"Fucking smelly hippies on a stick."

I winced when I heard the siren erupt from the police car. The heat drained from my face. Now I was definitely going to be late to the work party with Rose…

I quickly put my hands on the wheel and slammed my right foot onto the ground. In all of my embarrassment, instead of slamming on the break, I slammed on the gas.

Thus making Mr. I-Respect-The-Law over there think I was on the run, and ramming into Miss Fucking Daisy's car.

"No," I moaned in exasperation, steering over to the side of the road with discouraged, slumped shoulders.

I watched as the police car pulled over (along with the Oldsmobile in front of me).

Sorry, Rose.

The police car door opened and out stepped Mr. Law. I turned my head the other way, unable to look him in the eyes yet.

"License and regis- whoa," his already velvety voice got lower and more gravelly at the end of his almost sentence.

I huffed and turned to him to explain why I was getting dressed on a freeway… as well as I could, anyways.

But then the words got caught in my throat. Mr. Law over here's new nickname was Officer Hottie McSexy.

He had unruly copper sex hair that looked like it spent most of its time next to a fan (a fan that obviously loved him). Officer Hottie McSexy was tall and lean, muscular in all the right places. He had green eyes, from what I could see, but they were strangely not looking at mine. They were looking at my chest.

I looked down in confusion and blushed when I realized that in all of my distractions, I had forgotten to put on a shirt. If it were anyone other than Officer Hottie McSexy, I would've eagerly covered myself up with my sweatshirt, but because it was Officer Hottie McSexy, I found it in me to make an exception.

I slouched down further into my seat and uncrossed my legs, taking a large and exaggerated breath.

"Yes, officer?" I said, "Is there a problem?"

He took a deep breath and trailed his eyes up from my chest into my eyes.

He licked his lips and spoke, "Yes- a big one, actually. Didn't you learn in Driver's Ed that steering with your foot, getting dressed while driving, and talking on your phone, let alone letting it fly out of the car, that those weren't good ideas? Hmm? Oh, and accelerating into someone's car when being signaled to pull over."

I glanced over at Oldsmobile, who was struggling to get out of his car.

I leaned my elbows on the window and sat on my knees, pushing my cleavage out to him. He sucked in a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to look anywhere but at me.

Damnit, I wasn't going to get out of my multitude of deserved tickets if he wasn't looking at my body.

… oh, alright, I'm lying, I wanted to get into Officer McSexy's pants more than I wanted to get out of my tickets.

I opened my car door and closed it, leaning as close to him as I dared. I shivered when the smell of his cologne surrounded me.

"Look, Officer," I looked down at his badge, "Cullen," I let the name roll off of my tongue as I trailed one of my fingers down his arm, "I'm sure we can make some sort of arrangement and forget about all of this…"

"Look, miss," he said with a determined voice, "I don't know who you think you- oh," he stopped talking when I gripped one of his strong hands in mine and moved it down my back to squeeze my ass. My hand lingered on his because the feel of his strong, capable fingers on mine and my ass was incredible. Well- as incredible as it could be while his hand was frozen.

I looked up at him with wide eyes and purposely bit my lip, sliding in between him and my car, taking away his silly little clipboard and setting it on my hood while twisting my hands behind his neck. And although he said he was so determined to make this not happen, his hand hadn't moved away.

His expression was wavering between yes and no. I had to do something to push him over the edge to get the 'yes' I wanted.

I took a large breath, pressing my breasts against his chest, and tangled my hands in his soft as hell sex hair, "Please," I breathed into his ear.

"Fucking hell," he hissed, and roughly kneaded my ass with the hand that was previously idle. I moaned when he crashed his soft lips to mine, pressing his entire toned body into mine.

I whimpered when he slid his tongue against my bottom lip.

"Mys cars!" someone with a horrible lisp said to the side of us. I broke of the amazing kiss with Officer Panty Creamer and turned to glare at Oldsmobile, who was shaking as he scooted his silver walker towards us. Turns out the lisp was due to dentures.

"Shove a cork in it, Oldsmobile!" I said, starting to pull Officer McSexy towards me again when he shoved me away, running a hand through his hair as he looked at the old man.

Oldsmobile tried to glare at me, "Yous rans intos mys cars!"

"Yeah, I'll fucking pay for it," I said, glaring as I wrote down my phone number and shoved it at him, "Call me in a few hours and we can work through it."

I watched as Oldsmobile took his sweet time getting into his car and driving away after trying to glare at me.

I hungrily turned back to Officer Wet Dream and gripped his collar in my hands, pulling him towards me as I parted my lips.

"Stop," he growled through clenched teeth, taking a large step away from me.

I looked at him in confusion, "What's wrong, Officer Cullen?" I said, taking another step towards him and jutting my chest out towards him.

He looked away again, "Go get your license and registration."

Damn you, Oldsmobile, damn you.

But maybe there was another way I could save my chance with McSexy… I opened my car door and bent over at the waist, shuffling through my papers, even though I knew exactly where it was. I felt his eyes on my ass and I wiggled it back and forth 'accidentally' as I searched for my information.

"Oh, fuck it all," he hissed.

I grinned victoriously when I felt his hands clamp around my waist in a vice grip, pulling me against his impressive erection; I gasped in shock and pleasure while I pressed back against him involuntarily.

I leaned back up to a standing position slowly, relishing in the feel of his body, "Change your mind, Officer Cullen?" I asked in a husky voice.

He growled and spun me around, slamming me into the car and silencing me with his lips. Our lips were twice as eager as before as they moved in tandem. I moaned as his obviously experienced tongue stroked mine. But when some obnoxious Toyota honked at us, he pulled away and gripped my side.

"Get in the backseat," he said, roughly tugging open my car door and waiting for me to get in, looking around at the other cars on the freeway, suddenly being wary of voyeurs. Hey, I'm not complaining… I got in the backseat and scooted all the way to the edge of the seat, allowing him room to climb in after me.

Another moan escaped me when he kneeled on my seat and slammed the door shut behind him, looking at me hungrily. I licked my lips and took a gulp of air when his bulge was in my line of vision.

I slowly looked up to his eyes and parted my lips when he smirked at me, leaning down so that his mouth was hovering over my ear, "You've been a bad girl, driving like that, and then teasing me when I was trying to do my job," he skimmed his lips over my neck and I arched my back to him, causing him to chuckle, "-you know how bad you've been. Do you think you deserve my cock after what you've done?"

Fuck. He's a dirty talker. I wasn't expecting that. Were my panties already this wet?

I arched my back and ground my pussy against his thigh, "Oh God, please, I need it."

He smirked and kneeled over me, grinding his cock against me, "Beg for it," his voice was husky and it made me shiver, "- fucking beg for my cock until I decide to give you want you want."

I moaned and attached my lips to his neck, licking and sucking until I knew I had left a mark on him. He groaned and I spoke shakily, "I'm so wet for you," I groaned, "-please… I'm aching for you."

He growled at my response and gripped the top of my skirt, almost as if he were about to rip it.

"No!" I said and he quirked an eyebrow.

"I mean, yes, I want this, but don't rip the skirt. I need to be somewhere after this…"

He gave me the most defiant, suggestive smirk I've ever seen and proceeded to rip my skirt in half as if it were the easiest thing he'd ever done.

"Fuck, that was sexy," I mumbled, and suddenly didn't give a damn about the skirt. My hips bucked up toward him and he breathed in, then released the air with a tight hiss.

"I can smell you from here, baby," he said while flicking his tongue out to lick his lips. He reached one of his hands down and tore my panties in half.

I groaned, "You have no idea how hot that is, but you've got to stop ruining my clothes…"

It didn't seem like he was paying any attention to what I just said though, because his eyes were locked on my glistening core.

He slowly trailed his eyes back up to mine, "You're bare… so sexy…" he said, almost to himself. I bit down on my lip in anticipation. His hands, that were currently gripping my thighs, slid up further and he swiped one, long finger up my slit.

He held the evidence of my arousal that covered his finger in front of my face.

"You were right," he cooed, "-you do need this, don't you? You need my cock inside of you."

"Please," I said breathily.

I watched as he inched his finger towards his mouth and my jaw slacked as he sucked it into his mouth, moaning exaggeratedly as he kept his eyes attached to mine.

"Please…" I murmured again and watched as his fingers slid up my body and up to my bra. Thankfully, he didn't rip it, but unclasped it, tossing it somewhere to the side. He eye fucked me for a good minute or so before he did anything.

"This is so wrong," he groaned, pressing his hips into mine as he wiped his thumbs over my breasts.

"Holy shit! What's your name?" I screamed out while I pushed my back off of the seat to get closer to his hands.

He bent down and took one of my nipples between his teeth, "Why, babe?"

I moaned and fisted my hands in his hair, forbidding his lips from leaving my chest.

"Because," I said breathlessly, "-I need to know what to scream out when you do things like this."

"Edward," he growled as he swirled his tongue around my taut peak.

"Edward," I moaned, half in pleasure and half in curiosity as to how it sounded on my lips.

"Fuck," he growled as he heard his name echo around my car, "-that's it, baby."

He raised his other hand to fondle my other breast to lavish it with the same kind of attention.

I yelled out something incoherent and then moaned, "So good… Edward…so good…"

I felt him smile against my chest and I breathed out his name again.

"Too… many clothes," I said and started to reach for his uniform.

He smirked and shrugged out of the shirt after I unbuttoned it. I gasped when I saw his perfect torso and toned arms above me.

Thank fuck for police training.

He was gorgeous.

I moaned again with renewed vigor and pulled his sensuous lips back down to mine. His lips caressed mine as his hand massaged my breast. I could tell he was purposefully avoiding my center so that he could work me up. I reached my hand down to his trousers and yanked the belt loose and unzipped his pants. I shoved them down his legs and felt saliva pool in my mouth at how his muscular body looked suspended over mine and his rather large erection straining against his black boxer briefs.

I sucked in a large breath and took all of him in.

"Fuck me, Officer Cullen," I said as I kissed down his chest. He groaned and shimmied out of his briefs and I craned my head back to try to get a better look at the Cullen Treasure Chest.

He smirked at my eagerness and positioned himself above me so that I had a clear view of him. My jaw fell slack and my eyes glazed over as I gazed at him. He was larger than I had thought he was when he was grinding against me.

My hips bucked up towards him and grazed his tip, but he chuckled and taunted me more by pulling away from me.

He crawled down my body until his face was inches away from my quivering pussy.

"Oh God… Edward," I moaned out when I realized what he was about to do.

Without hesitation, he attacked, vigorously lapping at my center as if it was the last time he'd ever get to eat.

His lips wrapped around my clit and he sucked, making me gasp as I snapped my thighs around his neck. I didn't know whether or not I was begging him to keep going or seeking escape.

I heard noises fall from my mouth that I didn't even know I could make. Officer Hottie McSexy had the most talented mouth I'd ever come across. I rolled my hips against his face as I felt myself barreling towards the edge of one of the most powerful-

What, no, where the fuck did that tongue go?

I groaned as I opened my eyes to look down at him in confusion. He was smiling uncontrollably as he unhooked my legs from around his face.

"Why…?" was all I could get out.

He smirked, "Baby, I'll give you what you want. I will. I just want to drive you crazy first," he winked and slid his hands deftly to my ankles and brought them to rest on his shoulders.

"Those heels are fucking hot, by the way," he said and without any other warning, he slammed his entire, pulsing length into me.

"Shit, fuck, goddamn, ungh… Edward," I moaned and screamed out anything that came to mind.

The angle he was coming from was perfect and the spot he was hitting… damn, it wasn't a coincidence. This man had experience that was driving me to the edge embarrassingly quick. He noticed this (obviously, because he was a sex god sent down from the heavens to fuck me into oblivion) and pressed his thumb down on my clit while sucking on my nipple.

"Fuck!" I yelled when he bit down, officially making me forget my own name.

His thick cock was still pounding into me when I recovered from my Edward induced Sex Attack.

"Oh, God… oh oh…" I said as I bit down on his neck to maintain my sanity. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and began stroking my tongue. I shivered and clawed at his back, desperate to reach my second orgasm.

He tucked my legs between our chests and began slamming into me again. I screamed louder than I thought possible as he pleasured me.

"Edward!" his thumb found its way back to my clit as I found my second orgasm. My head fell back against the window of my fogged up car as I recovered.

I was amazed when I realized that he was still going, not even having found his first orgasm yet. He was shaking though, so I guessed he was close. Suddenly, he pulled out of me, and after I groaned in protest, he roughly grabbed my hips and flipped me over, easily sliding into me again.

"Damn… baby… so… tight," he said through clenched teeth. He reached his hands around to my chest as he pinched my nipples.

"Edward…" I moaned, feeling myself clench around him for a third time.

My body collapsed on the seat as he kept pounding into me, and I'll be damned if I was going to make it to a fourth orgasm before he had one.

Yeah, that's my selflessness coming through.

I reached my hand between our legs to massage his hardening balls before he came, moaning desperately.

He pulled out of me and I struggled to get up. My attempts were fruitless though, because all of my limbs felt like Jell-O.

He chuckled and sat me on his lap, kissing me.

"You're amazing," I muttered against his lips and he smirked.

I felt him lift me off of him and start to put his clothes on.

I started to do the same, but didn't exactly have much to do, since my bra was the only item of clothing he left alone.

"You're lucky I brought spare clothes," I mumbled, reaching for the center console that had my extra skirt. Once I was finished dressing, I saw Edward wince.

"What's the matter?"

He just smirked and turned around, letting me see his back… which was covered in nail and heel marks.

I bit my lip to restrain a smile, "Sorry about that."

He finished dressing and kissed me one last time before exiting the car. I followed and tried to stand up out of the car but blushed when I found it exceedingly difficult. He chuckled at my difficulty and gripped my arms, helping me out of the car.

"I should really get going," I said, smoothing out my hair.

He tightened his grip on my arm, "You know I still have to give you your tickets, right?"

I groaned, "Really, after all that?" I said and he nodded.

I shrugged, "Oh well, at least I got some mind blowing sex out of it," I winked.

He chuckled and gave me the tickets I didn't want.

"You know… I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I was wondering if I could have your number," he asked, running a hand through his hair.

I smiled brightly and took his pen, writing it down on a piece of paper.

He gave me one last, lingering kiss before pulling away, sauntering back to his cruiser.

"Oh, and speaking of presumptuous, I'm on birth control, thanks for asking."

And there you have it. Love you, Lauren, I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry if it's a little choppy, this wasn't edited.

Reviews are better than getting three orgasms from a police trained Officer Hottie McSexy.

REVIEW!