- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] -
EB: hey, are you there?
TT: Yes. It would seem that I am.
EB: ok, good!
EB: because i'm pretty bored right now. and i thought maybe a good way to handle that would be to do something together. assuming you aren't too busy being spooky and book-smart like usual.
TT: You are in luck. I am still very spooky and intelligent, due in no small part to my reading habits. I am, however, not busy with either of those facets of my personality.
TT: What, may I ask, are you doing?
TT: From what?
EB: bluuh. what else? from my dad and the horrible claws of the batter-witch!
TT: John, you have the weirdest sense of angst. Your issues basically boil down to an excess of positive reinforcement and baked goods.
TT: Most people would not consider these bad things.
EB: pssssh. whatever. psycho-babble wasn't exactly what i had in mind when i suggested we do something.
TT: Ok. What, then?
EB: i dunno. play a game or something?
TT: I have an idea, I think. Something that might be interesting to try out.
TT: Have you talked to Dave or Jade recently, by any chance?
EB: err. a bit, i guess. they've been kind of busy with their weird e-date things lately.
EB: those two sure are weird.
TT: Yes, well, Jade mentioned something she and Dave did. It sounded interesting. I thought maybe we could try it out.
EB: you mean 'cause...
EB: we're sort of...
EB: okay. sure, i guess.
TT: Do you not want to?
EB: no! that's not it!
EB: i guess i'm just sort of nervous!
EB: i haven't really done anything like that before!
TT: Neither have I.
EB: i guess i should ask what it is first, though?
TT: That might help.
TT: They played a strip game using an internet application.
EB: like...how did that work?
TT: From what I gathered they just typed what they were doing. They didn't send any pictures or anything like that.
EB: that sounds kind of weird.
TT: I suppose so. Still, I think I'd like to try it, just the same.
EB: well, okay.
EB: sure. why not?
TT: You don't sound entirely enthused. You do realize this could very well end with my being naked. In text form, at least from your perspective.
EB: i know.
EB: it's not like i don't want that!
EB: i guess i'm just worried i'm gonna kind of suck as this!
TT: I think it's perfectly okay to be a bit awkward here. I confess, I feel some nerves about this myself. But I think that's healthy.
TT: I do want this kind of relationship with you, John.
EB: me too.
EB: wow. i wish i could untype that.
EB: maybe i shouldn't try to force this.
TT: It's fine, John. It's actually pretty cute.
EB: well. that's good, i guess.
EB: so what game should we play?
TT: I was thinking Scrabble would work.
EB: psssh! you would, ms. knowitall mceloquencepants!
EB: kinda stacking the odds in your favor, don't you think?
TT: Maybe just a little.
EB: that would be like me challenging you to little monsters trivia!
EB: or sassacre trivia.
EB: or a prank-off.
EB: you couldn't hope to win something like that. i'm simply the best there is!
TT: Fair enough. I get the point. Do you have any ideas, then?
EB: uhhhhh. hold on let me look.
EB: didn't dave send us both a copy of that game his bro always plays for christmas?
TT: Okay, I'm just going to post what you're suggesting and then you can let it sink it. You are suggesting we play Strip "Mad Snacks Yo."
TT: Again, I'm just going to let the insanity of that statement hang here a little longer.
EB: uh, yes?
EB: i guess i am suggesting that.
TT: How would that even work? I'm pretty sure the "scoring" system in that game is busted. Would it be a competition to see who can grab the most Doritos? Considering how often you clip into the level geometry it seems like a really poor choice.
EB: hey that could work!
EB: every time we get stuck in a wall or something and have to reset we have to take something off.
TT: We'll be naked in three minutes with those rules.
EB: isn't that kind of the point?
TT: I suppose so.
EB: it'll be more fair this way! we both kind of suck at this.
EB: first one naked loses.
TT: Wow. This is really, really insane. Though I suppose the whole plan is weird to begin with. We might as well go for it. I will bust some uncannybrutal moves, retrieve copious amounts of cool ranch powerups and see you naked before me.
EB: maybe you're right.
EB: oh wait! you're totally going to lose.
EB: so not so right after all.
TT: This shall be a duel for the ages.
EB: okay. the game is on. i am going for the snacks now.
TT: My game is also on. I am zeroing in on the totally unsanitary potato chip outside of the bag that my avatar will eat anyway.
EB: in my dream i am the skateboarder. it's me.
TT: Okay, so I seem to be impaled on rail. I don't think I'm coming down from that. That would be exceedingly painful in real life.
TT: It would seem so.
TT: Okay. I'm grabbing the end of my right sock, and I'm pulling it off my foot.
TT: It's off. My right foot is bare. I'm pulling off the left sock now.
TT: Both my feet are uncovered. My toenails are painted purple.
EB: purple. you don't say.
TT: Your sarcasm has been noted. I'll make a point to be less descriptive in the future.
EB: okay, mocking rescinded.
EB: here i go. i hass the cheetos.
EB: ok, no. i hass the wall. i'm in a wall. it's like face/off here, except instead of trading faces with john travolta i have traded faces with a brick wall.
TT: Is that a reset I hear?
EB: i'm unlacing my shoes. both of them at once. i'm very talented.
EB: i'm kicking them away. so no more shoes. just white socks.
TT: Shoes? Really, John?
EB: you could have worn shoes. i never told you to not wear shoes.
TT: Fine, then. I will continue questing for these elusive starches.
EB: oh wow.
EB: okay, so i'm like...grabbing my skateboard but i won't get back into the right position. i'm just sort of levitating around.
TT: Are you resetting?
EB: no. i'm technically still able to play. it just looks really weird.
TT: Well, unfortunately I cannot say the same.
TT: My intrepid snack warrior has sadly fallen in the battle to uphold product placement.
TT: He got stuck in the stairs and his hunger meter ran down. I guess he starved to death? That's pretty morbid.
TT: Also, don't tell me I was warned about stairs.
EB: but i told you dog!
TT: God damn you, Strider.
TT: I'm unzipping the side of my skirt.
TT: The zipper is down. I'm standing up.
TT: The skirt slid right down my legs and I stepped out of it.
TT: You can see my bare legs and black panties. They have purple trim. My shirt is keeping me mostly modest. Mostly.
TT: I imagine if you were here in person this would be quite a bit more distracting for you.
EB: yeah. that's probably a pretty true statement there.
EB: it's kind of distracting me anyway!
TT: I better be.
EB: okay, so i just jumped over a jumpy thing and now i'm just sort of floating upwards. i'm flying pretty close to the level boundary here.
TT: I see. Would you describe the amount of air you are getting to be "unreal?"
EB: you could definitely say that. we may need a ruler.
EB: okay now i'm falling into oblivion. there's the level above me.
EB: still falling. i can see into eternity. forever.
EB: okay, that's enough.
EB: i'm removing my socks now.
EB: they are off. my feet are very, very bare.
TT: Another major article. I'm very impressed.
EB: hey, remember that most guys don't wear two pieces of underwear. i'm pretty sure we started with the same amount.
TT: You're probably right. We of the fairer sex do usually enjoy that often unspoken advantage. You're lucky I'm being so understanding.
TT: That was close.
TT: I was performing a "mad grind" and was dangerously close to being electronically bisected.
TT: This is probably the worst coded game I have ever played.
TT: And I'm including "Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: The Curse of the Ganja Nachos Gaiden" on that list.
TT: How many "hats" did this receive in GameBro?
TT: This development has shocked me to my core.
EB: then again, the reviewer was an unlockable character.
TT: Um, how do you unlock him?
EB: how should i know? i don't even know how to win.
TT: Perhaps we are simply not grasping the intellectual depth of this masterpiece. Clearly, this "game", if such a pedestrian term can indeed be used to describe this piece of electronic art, is the ultimate rhetorical statement. Can one truly "win" on the road to Mad Snacks?
EB: it would seem not.
EB: are you still not wearing a skirt?
TT: Yes. I am, indeed, still very indecent below the waist. That did not stop being a thing was that happening or anything. I am completely blushing at my state of undress right now.
EB: just checking.
EB: ah shit.
EB: bluh. just bluh.
EB: i'm resetting.
TT: It would seem I have you cornered.
EB: i'm taking my shirt off. i am pulling it over my head. or i will be once i finish typing this. yeah.
EB: it is off. i wish I owned a wife-beater like nicolas cage. but i don't, so my chest is bare.
TT: Were I there in person I would most likely be swooning right now, I'm sure.
EB: you totally would.
TT: And there he goes again. My skateboard is lodged in a topiary. This skate park apparently has topiaries in addition to its excess of free snack food. I can see why it would be popular.
EB: conksuck game?
TT: Indeed. It is highly likely that non-citizens are responsible for this atrocity.
TT: It would also seem that I owe you another article of clothing.
EB: yeah, i guess it does.
TT: I'm grabbing the bottom of my shirt. I'm going to lift it very slowly over my head.
TT: My bellybutton was revealed first. Then you could see my black bra. It matches my panties.
TT: I'm now just in my underwear. I'm biting my lip too, trying, and being very successful, to look shy and sexy at the same time.
TT: I take it these are good reactions.
EB: oh, yeah.
TT: Are you keeping focused, John?
EB: i'm basically unstoppable at this game now.
TT: Damn it!
TT: I seem to be stuck in some sort of spinning loop. I'm just sort of revolving on the spot very fast. I am unable to move.
TT: I suppose I have to reset again.
EB: wow, you sure don't have a lot left.
TT: I'm reaching behind my back. I'm unhooking my bra.
EB: oh jeez.
TT: It's undone. I'm shrugging my shoulders now and the straps are falling down.
TT: My bra fell off. I'm naked above the waist. Topless, you might say.
TT: Do you want to know what I look like?
TT: My breasts are still pretty small, but you can tell they're breasts, at least. I have pink nipples, and thanks to the cold air, they're getting pretty perky.
TT: Mmmhmm. I also may have been playing with them for a bit.
TT: How's your character doing, John?
EB: oh he clipped into a wall like thirty seconds ago. i don't care.
TT: Well, I guess that means you owe me something.
EB: yeah, hold on.
EB: okay, i'm undoing my jeans. and I'm pulling them off.
EB: they're off now.
EB: uh wearing green boxers
EB: i guess there's kind of a tent situation going on there right now.
TT: Is that so? I didn't know I had that affect on you.
EB: of course you have that affect on me!
EB: you're sexy!
EB: like uber sexy!
EB: you're beautiful and stuff.
TT: Well...thank you, John. That was a really, really sweet thing to say.
TT: You kind of caught me off guard there. So...congratulations.
EB: man, like you didn't know!
TT: It was nice to hear, regardless. Thank you.
EB: what now?
TT: Well, it would seem we're both wearing one thing.
EB: uh yeah.
EB: i guess we are.
TT: So, we'll start up one last time. First one to run afoul of this demonic clipping loses.
EB: ok. let's go.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] is now an idle chum! -
- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! -
TT: Alright. It was me first. My poor, poor skater hero has committed ritualistic parking meter seppuku.
EB: mine melted into the half-pipe somehow. i can't see him.
EB: but i guess it happened to you first?
TT: It would seem so.
TT: I'm hooking my thumbs in the waistband of my panties.
TT: I'm sliding them off. I'm shifting onto my knees so I can get them past my ass.
TT: Down to my thighs. My knees. My shins.
TT: I'm pulling them off my feet.
TT: I'm naked.
TT: There are a few sparse blond hairs on my pelvis.
TT: And were you to touch me down there you'd feel that I've gotten pretty excited by this point.
EB: rose, you're really good at this.
TT: I'm not done yet.
TT: Now I'm putting my thumbs in the waistband of your boxers.
EB: oh jeez
TT: I'm tugging at them very slowly. They're starting to come down. I can see your shaft being forced down by the waistband. Now it has popped out. I'm moving down with your boxers, and as I do you can feel my breath on your member as I pass it.
TT: I've gotten them off you now.
TT: Are they off, John?
EB: i took them off when you said that.
EB: i'm naked too.
TT: I'm taking my hand, and I'm grabbing your dick. I'm moving my thumb up and down it, right along the nerve.
EB: i guess i should be
EB: you know
TT: I would like it if you did.
EB: ok. i'm doing it.
TT: I start moving my whole hand up and down your shaft.
EB: oh god
TT: Do you want to do something to me?
TT: What do you want to do.
EB: i think i just want you
TT: Hmm. Okay.
EB: ok so i guess i lay you down
EB: i move on top of you and i'm right at your entrance
TT: I put my arms around your neck and wrap my legs around you.
EB: i kiss you first. i guess i use tongue.
EB: am i doing this right?
TT: You're great. Please keep going. Thank you for the kiss. It was lovely.
EB: i push myself into you
EB: i start to thrust. in and out.
EB: i move my mouth to your breast and lick one of your nipples
TT: im moving in rythm with u
EB: im goin faster
EB: i thin
TT: oh ggggggggggggggbbbbbv
EB: i just
EB: you know...
EB: did you?
TT: Yes. Rather spectacularly.
TT: You're pretty good at this yourself.
EB: wow look at those random keystrokes.
EB: i didn't even realize i pushed enter.
TT: Yes, and it seems it's very difficult to keep up my usually impeccable grammar when I'm using one hand and in the throws of an orgasm.
EB: i think it's kind of cute that that happened.
TT: That makes two of us.
EB: i kinda wish you were really here right now.
TT: I kind of wish you were really here right now, too. I have a feeling you would make a most excellent pillow at the moment.
EB: one of my awesome skills.
TT: Yes. In any case, this was very nice.
EB: you're kind of an awesome girlfriend, rose.
TT: Well, you're kind of an adorable boyfriend.
TT: Along with many other great attributes. Awesome being one of them, of course.
EB: of course.
TT: But I think I'm kind of in trouble here. You see, this whole scenario with you has given me something dangerously close to a sunny disposition.
EB: oh no!
TT: Indeed. In fact, if someone were to see me now they might describe me with such horrifying words as "glowing." And that would destroy my impressive melancholy reputation.
EB: and we can't have that!
TT: So I think I must bid your farewell for a time, lest I melt right into the floor and adopt your silly and very adorable honey-coated idealistic nature.
EB: oh. ok, then.
EB: i'm here, though, when you want to talk to your foolishly optimistic boyfriend again.
EB: i mean
EB: i'm always here. for you.
TT: I know. It's one of the many, many things I love about you, John.
- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] -
EB: whoa wait
EB: always have to be ms. aloof.
EB: i love you too, dummy.
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] -