I've been toying with various Transformers G1/Aliens/Predators Crossover fic for ages now, and eventually came up with this for the Feb/March challenge on Tf_G1_Season3 on Livejournal.
It's pure crack and I haven't decided whether it goes on after this. But I do have some stuff in rough draft and Yautjas and Xenomorphs fit quite well into season 3!
Warnings: only for discussion of the type of things which happen in in "Alien" movies!
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, or any of the characters or scenarios from the series within this story and I certainly ain't making any money!
Notes: Pretty cracky – nevertheless I have some more of this in rough draft.
~ The Secret Weapon ~
No matter how hard Swindle tried, he could not see how the object in front of him was, had been or would ever could be the 'incredibly dangerous weapon' which the yautja claimed.
Sure, the clearly organic, oval shaped entity which stood on one end and came up to his knees was creepy. The semi- translucent sides undulated softly as though some thing was moving inside, and every now and then a set of 'petal' like structures at the top flickered as though whatever it was wanted to get out. A small filament of pungent steam wafted through them now and then.
Swindle's sensor net prickled. Oh yeah - there was no denying that the thing was creepy. Even - very creepy.
But that didn't make it dangerous.
Still, he decided to keep his options open. "How much d'you want for this thing, anyway?" he said, folding his arms and regarding it some more with his head on one side. "I have to say, it looks like kinda – an egg."
The yautja shifted, and Swindle was conscious of the yellow gaze, of the tentacled 'hair,' and the mandibles clicking in between the heavy rasping breaths. He kept his optics on the object, not wishing to look at the so called 'Predator.' Not only was the creature outstandingly ugly - even by organic standards - but the fragger was big! And its armour looked – somewhat formidable over the well built frame. And those tusks and claws ...
Yeah - Swindle shivered - there probably was something in this. The reputation these creatures had. It was rumored they did all kinds of weird pit. And what had he heard about them 'breeding their prey,' especially?
"It is indeed, an egg!" the yautja said in its soft, slithery voice. "And it is harmless in this state, but under the right circumstances, it can transform in a way that you Cybertronians can only dream of. And I have many more on offer. Purchase this one, and I will give you another at half price and a third for free."
Despite his trepidation, every synapse in Swindle's circuitry itched to take advantage of this – after all, fearsome alien warrior though the creature may be, the Combaticon knew a good deal when he heard one. But then the egg let out a hiss, as though it's occupant grew impatient, as a strange and not very pleasant aroma arose from it's depths.
A shudder went through the Combaticon. He eyed it warily. "I think first you betta tell me how the thing works," he said.
Swindle's mouth opened wider as the yautja gave him the account. By the end of it, he was speechless. Then he gave a little laugh. The creature had to be joking.
"Now let's get this straight!" the Combaticon said. "A critter leaps outta this thing, attaches itself to your face, sticks some kinda sparkling down your energon chute, then it eats bits of your innerds and grows into a baby monster?"
The yaucha nodded, it's yellow optics flickering. "That is correct!" it hissed.
"But the thing's organic!" Swindle said. "How could it eat like – metal?"
"Semi organic," corrected the yautcha. "Silicon based. It is a superior being in every way. It would convert your alloys and the contents of your – energon processing chamber – as I believe you call it – to a palatable form. But it does not, in any event, require much nourishment."
Swindle nodded, chin in hand, thinking which one of his Combaticon team mates would be the least jacked off at suffering such an indignity. With none of them did the prospects seem very good. He decided the rest of the thing's modus operandi required more clarification. He still could hardly believe this.
"All right," he said. "So then the deal is – this - monster gets to a certain size, it busts out through your front and takes off?"
The yautja nodded again. "Indeed! And this has been a problem for organic species, as the process kills them. But with you Cybertronians, I don't believe the damage would be enough not so as to allow repair. Especially if you use one of your larger, more robust varieties."
Swindle was a little peeved. He considered himself perfectly robust. But he decided not to argue the point.
"Then, if what you're telling me's the go," he continued, it grows into a full sized, really dangerous monster. A lethal weapon, in fact, if I'm getting the picture right. And you reckon just one of these things could take out a possie of Autobots single handed?"
"It is quite possible," said the Yaucha. "The Xenomorph will take on the approximate form and dimensions of the one who hosts it's embryonic form. It is immensely resilient, with a multitude of powerful snapping jaws and a steel tail which can crush your Cybertronian alloys quite easily, and it has acid for blood which can sear through the strongest of metals. But a whole contingent ….. hmmnnn, maybe not. That is why I suggest you take the three."
Swindle thought for a moment. Onslaught would be most awfully pleased about this, he was sure. And it would be 'one up' on Blast Off, who for all his meanderings in space had never come across an 'opportunity' such as this single handed. And Vortex or Brawl - surely they would not be displeased at the prospect of a big version of themselves with snappy jaws and acidy blood leaping around killing Autobots?
It might even score him a few points with Galvatron. Which Primus alone knew he needed, after the transformation cog incident.
"All right – you're on!" he said.
The yautcha made a pleased sounding kind of rasping. "Excellent!" it said. "Now, might I suggest - what might be an idea, and more helpful to your evading the customs sentinels at the Seventh Warp Gate, is if you were to act as host for this one, and stow the others in a secret place. That way if you are apprehended you will possess your own special means to get out of the situation. The procedure can be performed – almost immediately …"
The egg twitched, and Swindle's circuits jangled in alarm, his purple optics widening. He took a step back, holding his hands in front of him and suddenly feeling very un-robust, and not at all ashamed of this, and totally in favour of handing over the 'transformations' side of the equation to Vortex or Brawl.
Nevertheless, the smallest Combaticon managed a salesmech type grin. "That's uh - fine," he chuckled. "I'll just take them as is."