Title: Watching You

Author: S J Smith

Rating: Teen

Disclaimer: Until Arakawa kicks me out of her sandbox, I'm gonna play in it.

Summary: Alphonse envies.


It's late. You're sleeping. And I wish I had your body.

Not yours, really, I want mine. I envy you the feel of the sun on your skin, the way you squint against its sudden brightness. I can't remember what stew tastes like any more, or what Mom smelled like. I don't know how I see, but it's not the way everyone else does. Maybe like an animal does. I remember reading a long time ago they don't see colors and neither do I. I think I 'hear' more by sound waves reverberating against my armor. I don't have the same senses as you do. I think it's changing me.

I know I should feel guilty for watching you while you sleep. I hear you sigh, and lean closer. Shifting on the narrow mattress, you whisper something that might've been a name. Your sleep shorts bulge at the crotch. I can't remember what it was like for my skin to flush, or even how my penis stiffened when I peed. I asked you about it once before, when we were a few years younger, and you couldn't even get out any words.

I read up on it while you slept. I get bored, sometimes, reading alchemy texts. I'll read anything. I never showed you the coverless novel I found, the one about a couple's sexual adventures. Reading about erections, about thrusting into mouth, vaginas, anuses – I wondered how it felt. You can't tell me – I know you too well. I know why you hide in the bathroom, but you're still a virgin.

Your body arching, you let out a groan. Tomorrow morning, you'll be embarrassed, need a shower. Maybe you'll jerk off in there where I won't hear you.

You have that escape. I wish I did.