This is my first SPN fan fic, so reviews are love! I am terribly sorry for any boringness/OOCness, I have a feeling I am going to suck at writing Supernatural. Anyways, back to the more important stuff. This story (if anyone even wants me to continue it haha) will be about my two favorite bromances: Sam/Gabriel and Dean/Cas. Lots of angst, lots of non-slashy fluff, that sort of thing.
This chapter is kind of a prologue of sorts, simply because I was very sad when Gabriel was killed in 5x19 :-( The beginning of the chapter is set directly after they leave the hotel with Kali. Next chapter will have more Dean/Cas. Quotes from the beginning and end are from Jimmy Eat World's "Hear You Me." The link to the video that inspired this fic is on my profile, my sister made the vid for me so I blame her for this story ;-) I have the next couple of chapters written if anyone wants me to post them.
Okay, on with the story now :D
"There's no one in town I know, you gave us someplace to go
I never said thank you for that, I thought I might get one more chance
What would you think of me now? So lucky, so strong, so proud.
I never said thank you for that, now I'll never have a chance."
I stared out the window, finding the silence a little unnerving. Normally Dean had his ancient rock music playing, but no, not tonight. Kali sat silently in the back seat as we drove as far away as we could get. My older brother was uncharacteristically silent too, but I doubted it was for the same reasons I was. I was surprised to find that I felt regret. I didn't find it surprising that I felt regret, it was what, or rather who, I felt regret for. In general I wasn't the type of person you could really call apathetic, but I never thought I would end up preoccupied with worry for someone that had destroyed my life over and over again. I closed my eyes and saw his image in my mind. Slicked back blond hair, hazel eyes…No, thinking of him didn't help. It only made me worry more, which made me question why I was worrying at all, which all just gave me a headache.
"Yeah Sammy?" he asked.
"What do you think happened to Gabriel?"
He looked over at me for a brief moment before returning his eyes to the road. I didn't blame him for being surprised. Even I was a bit shocked to find myself using the archangel's real name, given that for a very long time, Dean and I had simply called him "The Trickster." But I didn't see him as that anymore. When I thought of him, no longer did I see the malicious demigod that had tormented Dean, me, and countless other people. I saw him for what he was. An angel. An archangel none the less. Fearsome, lethal…ancient.
When we had left the hotel with Kali in tow, I'd seen a completely different person reflected in his eyes. He'd held up his blade to Lucifer so we could escape, and as we'd left, my eyes had found his for the briefest of moments. That was when I saw not an immature, sugar addicted Trickster, but as one of us. Something real, something that felt. More than that, something that could make his own decisions. And oh had he made decisions. God only knows (No pun intended, I thought wryly) what had happened to him by now. I kept expecting him to pop up in the backseat and come off with one of his usual quips, but we'd been on the road for the better part of an hour now and he was nowhere to be found.
"I think dear old Luci probably smited him," Dean answered with a smirk that said the thought wasn't exactly negative.
"Well you don't have to look so happy about it," I snapped. I didn't mean to, but it came out before I could stop it.
He groaned dramatically. "Oh come on, don't tell me you're actually worried about his sorry ass."
My silence spoke volumes. He sighed irritably but resumed driving without saying another word. The longer I sat there, dwelling on the worry I didn't even know why I had, the more he frustrated me. Ever since Cas had disappeared without a trace, Dean had been worrying himself sick. Why was it so strange that I was worrying too? Okay so yes, Castiel had never killed Dean repeatedly for kicks and stuck us in TV land, but Gabriel had still been there for us when we needed him. Cutting it a little close maybe, but at least he'd been there.
"Better late than never." The archangel's words echoed in my mind as I looked over at my brother again. I recognized the distant, faraway look haunting his eyes. He was thinking about Castiel again. I had come to know that look, given that it had darkened his features frequently since our friend had gone missing. He was always closer to Dean, but he'd been my friend too. But Castiel was loyal, trustable. The more I thought about it, the less sense my worry over Gabriel made. A little worried was one thing, but I was worrying to the point of going out of my head with it.
Maybe it's because you can relate to him, a voice in the back of my mind whispered. He's done things, terrible things that no one may ever forgive him for, but in the end he still fought the good fight. Maybe all he wanted was redemption for all he's done. Sound familiar? that voice continued to taunt. I tried to ignore the logic of it but knew that was six kinds of useless. I'd hit the nail on the head and I knew it. No point in denying it.
"So while we're talking about missing angels…" Dean started out of nowhere.
I sighed. "Let me guess. You're trying to figure out how to find out what happened to Castiel?"
"Can you blame me?" he shot back. "He lost everything for us. He rebelled against Heaven, he very possibly died for us. How could I not worry?"
I raised my eyebrows at the sudden defensiveness. Okay, so yeah, the angel was a pretty touchy subject. When Dean started caring about someone, he also started getting defensive. He'd become extremely good friends with Castiel, who would forever be "Cas" to Dean, and he defended the angel even when it wasn't necessary. Just like he would do for me. Even though the end of his sentence was technically a question, the way he turned his attention back to the road implied it was rhetorical. We drove on in silence, my thoughts occupied by one angel, his thoughts occupied by another.
"I wonder where Kali got off to," Dean said the next morning, yawning and stretching like a cat.
Not risking any more hotels, we'd slept in the Impala, only to find Kali gone when we woke up. Probably thought she was too good to sleep in a car with humans, I mused bitterly. My thoughts were still clouded with sleep as I got out of the car and looked out at the thoroughly unimpressive landscape. We were somewhere that no one would find us, or as Dean would put it, smack dab in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere. Honestly I couldn't tell you where we were if I tried.
I'd fallen asleep soon after mine and Dean's brief conversation, and I had been plagued by nightmares. I hated myself for even considering them nightmares since I would have once considered the images in my sleep relieving, but I'd woken up physically sick by the terrible dream that had repeated itself all night. Gabriel laying dead on the floor of the motel we'd left him at, his massive wings burned into the ground below him.
"So, let's see what our little gift is," Dean said, pulling a DVD case out of the dash.
I involuntarily winced at the sight of it. I remembered Gabriel shoving it into Dean's hands and telling him to guard it with his life. An unintentional sigh of exasperation escaped my lips when I saw the title. Casa Erotica 13. Of all the things he could have left us, it was porn? I tried to be annoyed but honestly it was just such typical Gabriel behavior that I couldn't really be upset about it. With everything that had been going on with Lucifer and the Apocalypse lately, I actually almost found it funny. Almost. Simply because I really shouldn't be finding anything funny with it being the end of the world and all that.
We used my laptop to play the disc, and I wanted to bang my head into the top of the Impala when Gabriel started vigorously making out with the blond girl in the video. Way more than I ever needed to see. I silently wished he would just get to the damn point already, but when he finally did get to the point, I found myself regretting that wish. I never wanted to hear the six words he spoke, they confirmed my worst fears. I responded to them only with a small raising of the eyebrows, but internally, I felt like someone had twisted a knife in my gut. The words continued to ring out in my head long after they were spoken.
"If you're watching this, I'm dead."
"May angels lead you in, hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go, may angels lead you in."