A/N: Before I start, I would like to say that I can't believe that, when I first thought of the Save ship (Sam Evans/Dave Karofsky) there weren't any fics for it. I know people want Dave to find love, but they're placing it all in Kurt's basket, and – well, I'm not touching that mess. Suffice to say, I do NOT ship Kurtofsky at all. In the end, I want Karofsky to find redemption, and I honestly think that, at this point in the Glee series, Sam could be that chance (not necessarily through romance, of course). I mean, there's a reason the ship is called SAVE.
His Name is Beloved
Dave couldn't stand to look in the mirror anymore, so he removed them from his room. He closed his eyes as he brushed his teeth and washed his face. If he could, he tried to not look at himself while he showered. He hated himself now.
His father was disappointed in him; his mother couldn't look at him without tearing up, and Kurt was gone. Of course it was his fault – why didn't he see it coming? Hadn't he known what he was doing? No, he was scared. He let his fear get the better of him; he threatened Hummel – no, Kurt, the therapist said he needed to remember that his victims were people – more than that, he'd kissed him. Assaulted him.
But Kurt was so brave, he was everything Dave couldn't be, and Dave hated it, he hated thinking about Kurt, he hated how Kurt made him feel, and it just made him so angry at Kurt for doing it to him. Hurting Kurt made Dave feel better, it made him feel in control. It didn't give him control, because the thing about hurting Kurt was that it let Dave touch Kurt without anyone knowing how Dave felt. If no one knew how Dave felt, it was like it wasn't real. Then Dave had kissed Kurt. Kurt knew, and that put Kurt in control.
Dave had tried to get control back in the only way he knew how; well, now no one at McKinley High knew about Dave's feelings, but things were so much worse.
Dave remembered the kiss. It should have never happened, but when it ended, Dave went in again – he still didn't know if he wanted to make things better with Kurt or if he just wanted to get his feelings out. They weren't the same thing; as much as Dave imagined sex with guys (or tried not to), he couldn't see himself in a relationship with a dude. He couldn't picture himself cuddling anyone, let alone some guy. Holding hands? It just didn't look right in his head.
He thought about Kurt's wide, soft mouth – the image was ruined when he recalled the boy's terrified eyes. It happened every time, and Dave couldn't separate the feelings of lust and guilt. He loved that mouth, though, it was his favorite thing to think about.
Dave felt a strangled sort of excitement when he saw another soft, wide mouth. It wasn't attached to fearful eyes; in fact, it was twisted into a smile. Dave looked away from Sam Evans. The now-healed quarterback made him feel remorse about making Kurt leave; Sam had fought the hardest to protect Kurt just before the bird flew away. Even now that Kurt was gone, Sam never gave Dave anything more than a stony look at best – Sam usually scowled.
This was one of those times.
"You got a problem, Bieber?" Dave said threateningly. No, no, he couldn't do this again.
Just get off my back, Evans. Sam, he needed to call him Sam – he couldn't let himself forget that Sam was human.
Sam turned away. Dave hoped he would; he knew Sam wasn't one to get in confrontations lightly, especially now that he was quarterback. Sam didn't leave him alone, though; he was constantly in his thoughts. Now that Dave had noticed Sam's mouth – round and pink, like they were already swollen from kissing – he couldn't think about anything else. He tried to work it out of his body during hockey practice (the season was about to start), but when he got home, all he wanted was to reach out and touch those lips, to see if they were really as soft as he imagined.
This wasn't right. Dave still dropped trou and fondled himself. Large mouth, large hands, perfect for kissing, caressing, more... For the first time in weeks, Dave didn't feel guilty afterwards. He was almost cheerful as he cleaned up. He could focus on his homework. Kurt didn't even cross his mind until his mother came home.