Disclaimer: I do not own Sweeney Todd. If I owned it it would not have had the ending it did.
A dark ship sails into the harbour. A very buff manly man covered in tattoos and with a beard down to his collarbone is standing at the rail.
Manly Man: I have sailed the world aboard it's great ships from the Queen Mary to the Titanic, but there's no ship like this one.
Sweeney Todd: No there's no ship like this one.
Manly man: Mr. Todd?
Todd: Anthony? You seem different, somehow. Nose job, perhaps?
Manly Man (Anthony): Guess what! I'm not Jamie Campbell Bower!
Todd: Shock horror!
Anthony: I'm his stunt double, but people can never tell us apart because we're so much alike.
Anthony: When I auditioned to be cast as a stunt double for Jamie I resembled him more than anyone else there! They cast me as soon as they laid their eyes on me... Oh, wait, no that last bit isn't quite true. There was someone else who looked like Jamie even more than me, but it turned out that that person wasn't quite what they were after.
Todd: It was a woman, wasn't it?
Anthony: How did you know?
Todd: Just a hunch.
Anthony: So where were we?
Todd: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the bad ships of the world inhabit it
But there's one ship that's better than the rum I sip
And it goes by the name of The Black Pearl
At the top of the hole sit a privileged few
Beckett, Barbossa and Davy too
Barbossa stole my ship and I can't even sue
I have sailed the world, beheld it's wonders
For the cruelty of men is as sad as the Titanic
But this ship has nothing on The Black Pearl
Anthony *is a bit slow*: Is everything alright Mr. Todd?
They have now left the ship and are at the edge of a large town.
Mr. Todd: I beg your indulgence Anthony, but this looks nothing like Tortuga.
Anthony: Tortuga? Sir we're not in Tortuga, we're in London.
Mr. Todd: Darn! I knew we should have taken a left turn at Singapore.
Anthony takes a step back.
Mr. Todd: There was a pirate and his ship
And she was beautiful
A foolish pirate and his ship
But a man with a scraggly beard below his lip
Saw that she was beautiful
And she was the fastest in the Caribbean
And the pirate was naive.
Flashback scene 15 years before: Sweeney Todd sails the black pearl. He shouts orders to his crew who run to obey his commands. He is so happy that he is nearly unrecognisable and he seems to have had a haircut since.
Mr. Todd: This other man who saw
That she was beautiful
He wanted to be her captain
Though he was better as a Map-man
Stole the ship with his sharp claws
While the pirate was busy with some whores
And she would fall
And oh, so beautiful!
Anthony: And the ship... Did she sink?
Todd: Oh that was many years before
I wouldn't be so sure.
Anthony: So uh... Maybe we can see each other again sometime. Where do you live? Can I have your number? Email address? Facebook? MySpace? Twitter? LiveJournal, perhaps? Are you on MSN? Do you Skype?
Sweeney is seriously freaked out. Why has Sailor Boy started talking another language? He quickly walks away from Anthony and pulls out his iphone. He dials quickly.
Todd: Hello?...Uh, there's this guy who's trying to cyber stalk me...Ah, Officer Hanson, I'm Sweeney Todd...
End of the first Chapter! What did you guys think? Please review, I have been very review malnourished since my debut as an author on . Plus I promise to read and review one of your stories if you review mine as a way of saying thanks. Also no offense meant to Jamie Cambell Bower or any of his fans. I'm only joking about him looking like a chick, I actually think he's pretty hot. Thanks for reading!