'K, friends. Help me figure out the three least funny of these, or come up with two more, so I can even the number on this list.
If you'd like to keep your own Sephiroth for a pet, you cannot let him:
Invite his "Mother" to any kind of formal or informal gathering.
In fact, he cannot think of his "Mother" in any way, shape, form, or time.
Go near long poles or spears, as he will begin to use them in place of his Masamune.
Cannot be allowed to force an orchestra, choir, and rock band to merge together just to play his theme song.
5. Be near spiky, blonde-haired people, as he will TRY to kill them.
Or be near long, brown-haired people in pink dresses, as he WILL kill them.
Or be near any people, as he WILL KILL THEM.
Make jokes about being unable to get through the bathroom door because his sword/cock-amune is too long.
Be left in charge of the gift team, as he will only allow one gift to be brought: DESPAIR. And thus, will be the only one to bring a gift.
Sing "Fly Like An Eagle," particularly if he changes it to "Fly Like A One-Winged Angel."
Complain that he has, at any time, either no wing (FFVII), one wing (FFVII AC), or three wings (KH).
Complain that his voice actor in Kingdom Hearts 1 was Lance Bass.
Write fan fiction about FFVII, because he will kill everyone else in the the story even starts.
Insult Hojo because Sephiroth doesn't need science to make/control his clones.
Actually, no. He can do that. Hojo needs to just shut up.
Claim he can summon aliens just because he partially is one.
Go to the beach, as he will do his morning jog and massacre in a Speedo.
SHOULD NOT be given a butter knife, butcher knife, pocket knife, or one of those retractable knives where the blade slips into the handle, because he'll figure out a way to make the blade NOT retractable and ridiculously sharp.
Be given a box of crayons, a pen, a pencil, or markers, because he will draw extremely awesome art of him killing everything/everyone.
Be given a rock, because he'll use it for Meteor.
Be asked about his hometown, parents, or any other personal information, because he'll go insane and burn down YOURS afterwards.
Be allowed to make any puns about being angelic, yet Heartless.
Be allowed to respond if somebody says "Oh, God!" or anything of the like.
Be in proximity to any emo kids with leather suits and a tendency to dye their hair, particularly Remy from SF3: Third Strike.
Complain about how his mother was never there.
Claim that he is god, and all his clone-mind-projections are his "Sephirot" (not a spelling error, look it up).
Cannot have friends, as he'll probably end up killing them or massively maiming them.
Cannot be involved with LOVELESS, as he is still angry with Genesis for beating "something" into his (P)h(E)e(N)a(I)d(S) with someone narrating Act 1 in the background.