A/N: I do not own Death note.

Another kink meme request: http: / / community. livejournal. com / dn_kink2/ ? view=618707

No offense to L or his fans is intended with the title, though Light has the sympathetic P.O.V. in this ficlet (but they're ALL dicks.)

"GAH! L's such a dick!" Light ranted and raged to Ryuk as he escaped into the men's room after enduring yet another workday with that horribly obnoxious, disgusting man that kept getting in the way of his goals and wanted to see him dead. "I wish he'd just get off my—I really wish he'd just get in..." the way of a bus...

Ryuk interrupted him before he could finish that sentence. "Uh… Light-o… he followed you in here. He's like… standing right behind you."

Oh SHIT! Uh... Think fast.

"...side... me. Oh such a dick... I just want to feel... ooohh yeah...!"

Ryuk howled with laughter since he got to see the look on L's face.

"Yeah…" Ryuk sniggered. "Nice save there, pal…" You know… you just got yourself into a hell of a lot more trouble. But I suppose you'll find out soon enough…

Light groaned in arousal and humiliation as he braced himself against the wall and beat off occasionally moaning out "L! L!"

"...Now he's kind of looking at you funny..."

Good. That's the idea. He'll think that's all I was trying to hide...

Light yelped as he was tackled from behind and in a swift movement his hands were pinned up against the wall.

Light could only gape in shock as L whispered huskily in his ear. "I never realized Light-kun was so... frustrated."

Light couldn't see behind him… but he could hear the amusement in his voice as he parted his legs with his knee. L pressed his long spindly fingers against Light's mouth and commanded "Suck."


His first time...?

With a man?

With his enemy!

Up the ass...

Pressed up against the men's room wall!

But if he tried to stop this—it would only make him look worse!

"Aw, you seem nervous. Is lil' Light-o finally going to get his cherry popped?"

Shut the fuck up, Ryuk!

Light thanked his acting skills (and that L couldn't see his face from this angle) that he didn't look as absolutely terrified as he was currently feeling...

L made an expectant noise. Light tentatively, demurely, licked at L's fingers before taking them in his mouth; L groaned at the feeling. Light didn't know why but he was getting kind of... excited too. L removed his fingers and moved slightly against him. Light felt an odd tremor go through him as he felt L's dick brush against his thigh.

An eager whine pierced the room.

And then L chuckled. So did Ryuk...

Holy shit! That was ME?

"Oho? Could it be that all Kira REALLY want is L's dick up his ass?"


L didn't waste any more time and shoved his fingers inside.

This was weird and... Very uncomfortable as he felt L stretching him. L reached in deep, expertly teasing that spot inside. Pleading noises continued to erupt from Light's throat that transformed into full whimpering when L withdrew.

"Say it again, Light-kun."


"Tell me what you want."

"I... L...!" Light groaned out. "I want your dick inside me!"

Without further ado L slammed in. Light screamed.

"Oh man, too bad you can't see this Light-o. He's LOVING this. He LOVES it when you scream like a little bitch."


"Oh Light-kun... you're so... tight!"

Light tried to hold back another scream. It came out as a pained whimper as L continued to thrust inside him.

"This feels SO GOOD! ...Oh? Are you alright, Light-kun?" L asked in the same sarcastic tone he always used when he was taunting him.

"I'm... fine... Ryuuzaki..." Light ground out as it felt like he was being ripped apart.

L angled again and slammed into that spot.

"L!" Light moaned wantonly as his hands desperately raked across the tiles.

L began to pump him off in time with his thrusts.

"Oh! L!" Light felt an intense feeling shuddering through him. (The feeling he got when passing judgment was the only thing that really compared...)

"KIRA!" L shouted as he slammed into him one last time and came hard.

Light was reminded that a world existed outside this PAIN upon hearing a familiar sadistic cackle.

"Now that wasn't very gentlemanly, now was it?"

Light groaned from the floor.

"Wow, you're right. He IS a dick. I mean what? He fucks you… no wait… you didn't REALLY want it, now did you?"

"Of course not..." Light whispered. He quickly looked away in shame when he saw that he was leaking out blood and semen.

"So... he RAPES you… and then he just leaves you there like a used whore? Hyuk. You're not going to uh… TAKE THAT lying down now are you, Light-o?"

Light blinked back tears, his eyes growing hard. I'M GOING TO KILL HIM! I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL HIM!