No copyright: I do not own the Office, or any of the characters.

The only thing more embarrassing than having a girlfriend that acts as if she is in junior high, is having to hold her purse in a public place. Where my business school colleagues occasionally are. With their girlfriends. All of which, are holding their own purses. When I see them, I have to avoid them for two reasons. One, I don't want to mention that not even my degree in business can get me out of a job as a temp or as a bowling "shoe bitch." And two, well, because Kelly and her purse is not what I want to be remembered as. I don't want to be that guy. That guy that carries his girlfriend's purse.

"Ryan! What about this dress?" She walked out of the dressing room looking breathtaking in a purple, no, magenta cocktail dress (I hate myself for knowing the difference in colors and for thinking that not only is a cocktail a drink, but also a dress.) I try to answer as nonchalantly as possible with a mere shrug and the continuation of texting. If she detects an ounce of adoration she will assume I enjoy shopping and will insist it as our "couple hobby." Oh, apparently every couple has a hobby, and sex doesn't count. Brad and Angelina's is acting, because somehow that counts when sex doesn't. Sometimes, scratch that, most of the time, I do not understand a word that comes out of her mouth. She lets out an exasperated sigh and returns into the dressing room to try on the 17th one tonight, while I am left sitting on this child-sized bench holding her Prada bag.

"If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it! If you lik-" Her phone was ringing. Inside her purse. If I know one thing from guy code; it is to never, never, go inside a girl's purse. What is in there is unknown, and it should stay that way. My intentions were to let it go straight the voice mail (which I don't get to hear too often.) Then Kelly said to me,

"Ryan, would you be a doll" she giggled in the cutest way, "And answer the phone for me?" I could pretend I didn't hear her, that wouldn't work. This had to be done. 'It's just a purse.' I chanted repeatedly to myself as I reached in and grabbed her singing iPhone. Just when I thought I couldn't look gayer, I answer a phone with a pink and white rhinestone case. Good thing no one I know goes inside of 'H&M.'

"Hello?" I answer proudly, my mind was on my accomplishment. All traces of bliss evaporated when I heard his voice.

"Ryan? Uh, hey. It's Darryl. Can you tell Kelly to call me? We need to talk."

Yeah right, he knows we're 'together,' right? After all, she sort of dumped him for me.

"Uh, sure thing." My intentions were to let this incident slide and not tell her that my ex-replacement called. I don't want to lose her, especially to him. No, it isn't love. She may be an eight in New York, but she's a ten here and those are hard to come across. The selection is scarce and like the old saying says, stick with what you know. I am far too stressed to be looking for a new girlfriend and far too horny to stay single. Like I was saying, the plan was to not tell Kelly. But that failed when she pranced out the dressing room in a short, black dress and asked, "Who was that?"

I could've told her it was the wrong number. But that would be a lie, not that I minded lying before, but Darryl would find a way to talk to her and tell her he called. Then I would be in the doghouse for lying, because Brad never lies to Angelina and Jim never lies to Pam.

"It was Darryl." I answered as if it was an everyday occurrence. Her reply was far from what I expected. She looked stunned. Her eyes wide, like a deer in the headlights. Fury coursed through my veins but I didn't let it show. I can't let her know I care.

"W-wh-what did he w-want?" She stuttered. A definite sign of nervousness. The thing is; I don't know what he wants. I wish I did, but I don't. All I know is that he wants to talk to her. My girlfriend.

"Just to talk to you." I could tell she relaxed, the tenseness in her shoulders eased and she let out a nearly-silent sigh. Was she afraid he would tell me something she didn't want me to know? No way, Kelly Kapoor doesn't keep secrets from me. Does she?

"Yeah right! I have a man I don't need him!" The chirpiness tone returned to her voice and she skipped over and gave me a delicate smooch on the nose. I hate those. But I don't hate her. Defeated, I commented on her dress.

"That dress is perfect."

Her smile was wider than I have seen it in a while. She tried to recompose herself and then answered,

"I'm totally glad you like it, it's for meeting your parents tomorrow. I am so happy that I'm going finally to meet them!" Oh God, how had I forgotten? It was only this morning…


iamkellyfierce: heyy ryan! isn't this like totallyy awesome? we can pretend that we're workingg and like talk the ENTIRE dayyyyy!

-Mistake #1: Answering the IM-

veRY_ANgelic: uh, kelly, im actually trying to work.

iamkellyfierce: yeahhhh right! ryan bailey howard, dont think you can lie to me justtt because you aren't sittingggg behind me anymore and i cant see your computer screennnn!

iamkellyfierce:you cantt even make a stupiddd sale, why even try?

veRY_ANgelic: that's why im working harder.

veRY_ANgelic: i have to go

-Mistake #2: Not signing off. Immediately.-


veRY_ANgelic: well, be right back, i have to call my parents

iamkellyfierce: why?

-Mistake #3: Telling her why.-

veRY_ANgelic: i am going to their house tomorrow.


veRY_ANgelic: no


-Mistake #4:...



iamkellyfierce: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! take me shopping after work I need a

veRY_ANgelic logged off

Yeah, he was screwed.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please leave me a review (it makes me happy, and a happy me writes more. Thus the sequel coming out sooner. So, do yourself and your sanity favor and leave a review (JK {kind of} ) Thanks! (: