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Story Name: Five times Carlisle thought he Did It Right and The One Time He Did

Rating: M

Genre: Humor/Drama

Word Count: 3218

Summary: The newly graduated Doctor Cullen is fumbling his way through his internship while one nurse loves to make his life hell. Will Carlisle end up taking a life instead of saving them?

When people would ask me why I wanted to be a doctor my standard answer was always:

"To help people."

While this was true, there was something powerful about holding life in your hands. To be the one to snatch a life from death was an intoxicating idea.

Some might call that a God Complex, but I saw it as the truth.

Well, I did.

That was before I graduated med school and started my internship. Where I was confronted with the far less glamorous side of medicine. De-compacting bowels, for example, was not what I had signed up for. I understood I needed to learn this for what ever reason. It didn't mean I had to like it.

It was also before I came face to face with evil incarnate.

Edward "I know more than you" Masen, RN.

It was his calling in life to make my life a living hell. He constantly pointed out my short comings. He cared little for my lack of experience and demanded perfection. To make matters worse he was young, (well younger than me) good looking and he knew it.

I hated him.


"You're doing it wrong."

I ground my teeth and tried to focus on the task at hand. This was not my first time putting an IV in, but it sure as hell seemed like it.

The patient was dehydrated and I could not get a stick to save my life. I'd seen mice with bigger veins than this women.

"Ow! Didn't you go to school for this?" She complained having just missed my third attempt.

I heard that hovering bastard chuckle behind me as I tried not to use the IV needle as a dart. I counted to ten. Lord knows if I did throw the needle, I would have to patch him up while listening to him complain about my methods the entire time.

"Fine! You show me how to do it, oh wise one." I made a sweeping bow as an invitation.

With a smug smile Masen pushed off the door fame and walked over. He had the IV in within seconds.

"You see Cullen, the anatomy never changes. The veins are there, you just have to know where to look."

I don't know what irritated me more. The fact he had done it or he was trying to teach me. I was the doctor for god sakes.

"Your are much better at that than he is. You must be the doctor," the women said flirtatiously.

Masen threw back his head and laughed. "Oh honey, for that I will make sure you get an extra dessert tonight," he said while still trying to hold back his mirth.

"I wouldn't mind giving you a little extra," she cooed.

"Well I am not sure my boyfriend would like that very much, but I can ask him." He said with a kind smile.

She just laughed and shook her head. "It really is true then. All the good ones are either gay or married." She shot a sideways glance at me while I pretended to read her chart. Iin a low voice she added, "I am guessing he's still single."

I fled the room with their laughter chasing me down the hall.


"Cullen! Get the crash cart. We have a code in room six." Doctor Whitlock yelled at me.


This was the action I was looking forward to. Here was where I could make a difference. It was these types of things that would prove to everyone I was a doctor.

I grabbed the cart and raced in to the room.

The room was a frenzy. Doctor Whitlock was there shouting orders to the staff in the room with everyone moving accordingly.

"Cullen! Start compressions."

I wasted no time getting started. This was something I knew I did right and I could not wait to rub it in Masen's peaches and cream face.

"Cullen! You are going to need to press harder than that. You aren't getting the right depth."

I increased my pressure. While many believe broken ribs were a common side affect of CPR, that notion was false. I was not giving Masen the satisfaction of knowing I had done this wrong.

"There ya go! Just like that." I heard some one say. I smiled and found a rhythm.

I was doing it.

I continued to work blocking out all other noises. My arms burned and I was breaking a sweat but I was doing it. I heard someone yell something but paid them no mind. I had a life to save.

It wasn't until I was enveloped by two strong arms and knocked to the ground that I became aware of my soundings. The mans body jolted as they placed the paddles on his chest.

Oh. OH.

I shook free and turned to face none other than Pretty Boy Masen. Man, he was young.

"Thanks?" I said.

"I was half temped to let you get zapped. You really should be more aware. The last thing we need is to have to take care of you too." He smirked.

All happy feeling for him left and the angry ones found their place once more. I scowled at him and turned back to the task at hand.

Whatever I still helped save a life.

"We, lost him. Cullen Call it."

God damnit.


"Ma'am I am going to need you to stop yelling please." This was not how I wanted to start my shift.

"You tell me my son is sick and you have to run tests? I get to yell!" The crazed woman screeched.

"Ma'am. I said we have to run tests to see if your child is sick. We don't know if anything is wrong yet." I tried to sooth.

"You don't know what's wrong? WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SON?"

This was ridiculous.

I heard the curtain swish open followed by: "What can I do here?"

I closed my eyes. It had to be him.

"Everything is fine here, Nurse Masen. Don't you have bed pans to clean?"

"They are soaking right now to get them extra shiny. I thought I'd help here."

"I don't-"

"He told me my baby was dying!" the woman wailed.

Masen walked over and knelt down to the child's height. "Hey there little man. You not feeling too good?"

The child shook his head.

"Alright, I am going to help find out what making you feel yucky. For me to do that, I am going to have to do some tests with you. Would that be okay?"

The child nodded.

"Alright, now while you wait you need to make sure to watch lots of cartoons. Deal?"

That got the boy to smile.

The mother had calmed down enough by then to give me the symptoms so we could get the test ordered.

"The key is," Masen McDummy started, "you have to say it in a way that isn't scary. Make it sound as if it's the most normal thing in the world. If all else fails make the kid smile and you'll be gold "

"I did." OK maybe not the kid smiling part.

"Sure thing." And with that he walked away giving me a great view of his ass.

Jesus I need to get laid.


After realizing I had ogled the Devil in scrubs I set on a quest to release my sexual tension. It was almost an impossible task given I was the hospital's slave and all. I had almost given up hope when I received a text from my ex. He was going to be in town for one night and wanted to meet.

Translation: Fuck fest 2.0

I sped through my charting and orders in record time to get to him. I had the next two days off to recover and I was praying I would need them.

I met Marc at his hotel and we wasted no time getting naked. He was about to push inside me when I heard it.

My pager.

My cock blocking, out to make my life hell, piece of shit pager.

With lots of cursing from both of us and a kiss with a promise to return, I made my way, very uncomfortably, back to the hospital; growing more angry with each passing second. Someone had better have died or I was going to beat them to death with my larger than average boner.

I was still thinking over the logistics of how one might be beaten with an erect penis when I stormed my way to the nurses' station.

"Who paged me? Because it had better be an emergency," I bellowed.

A timid nurse with mousy brown hair raised her hand. Well at least it wasn't "Fire Crotch" Masen.

"Well?" I looked at her waiting for her to get on with it.

"Um, well, You didn't put a dosage on the meds you ordered for Mr. Brown." She handed me the chart.

I took the chart and mumbled: "I swear I remember writing them." Sure enough, she was right. I hadn't put it in my dictations. Knowing I'd written it somewhere I thumbed through the chart.

I got as far as the discharge summary when I found what I was looking for at the very bottom in my notes. I motioned for her to come over as my phone beeped with a text. While I waited for her to finish her I pulled out my phone. The text was from Marc:

Sorry can't do later tonight. Got called home early. Next time turn off your beeper.

I tried to calm my anger as she made her way over but I failed.

"Nurse, can you tell me what that says?" I asked coldly, pointing to the paper.

She looked over and read. "Oh there it is. Silly me. I guess I didn't need to call you in," she said with a laugh.

"I am glad you find your lack of problem solving skills funny. I can see how it is a hilarious notion you know how to do your job. Tell me, do you throw a party when you kill someone?" Okay, so that was a little mean but I just couldn't bring myself to care.

I opened my mouth to continue my cruelty but was cut short.

"Do we have a problem here, Doctor Cullen?" Of course Satan was Charge nurse today.

"Yes. Your nurse called me in on my day off because she doesn't know how to read a chart."

He turned his evil green eyes on a now watery eyed nurse. "Is this true?"

She was only able too nod.

"Next time see that you are more careful, but you did the right thing by asking for help. Next time come to me or the Charge Nurse fist OK?"

"OK" Her voice cracked.

"Great." He smiled kindly at her. Then he looked at me not so fondly. "Doctor, if you would come with me I have a case for you too look at since you are here."

I followed him into the on call room and waited for him to shut the door.

"What the hell was that?" He asked not turning around.

"I beg your pardon? It was your nurse-"

He spun around looking more pissed that I had ever seen him. "Did you or did you not forget to put the dosage on the orders?"

"Well yes, but-"

"So you chose to belittle a staff member to compensate for your short coming?"

"No! That's not-"

"Then what were you doing that was so important you failed to do your job?"

I waited a second to make sure he'd allow me to finish this time. When I was sure I answered,"I was on a date with my ex, okay? He was in town only for tonight and I was hoping for something to happen. "

I braced myself for his laughter but it never came.

"You were hoping to get back together with him?" Beelzebub asked nicer than I had expected.

I couldn't contain my laughter at this question. Marc and I were no longer together for a reason. "Oh God no! I just wanted a good fucking. It's been months." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wanted them back.

It was now his turn to laugh. "Your anger makes a little more sense." He paused and then turned serious. "But if I catch you treating my nurses like that again I will report you to the board. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sorry." And I really was.

"It is not me you should be saying that too." With that he left the room before I had time to respond.


The next day after, I apologized. I buried myself in my work. I waited until I knew Edward would be on to venture to the nursing station.

"Um, Ed- Masen, do you have a moment?" I asked suddenly feeling nervous.

He gave a curious nod and followed me into the room I just left.

"I just wanted to let you know I apologized to Nurse Weber and that won't happen again."

I still couldn't understand why I needed to let him know this but I did.

He gave me a small smile, taking mercy on my awkward soul, and didn't call me out.

"I am glad to hear that." He turned to look at the sleeping patients then asked: "You put the catheter in Mr. Jones.?"

I smiled proudly. "Yes I did. He didn't even feel it." I may have also puffed out my chest a wee bit at the end. Just a bit though.

"Well I am glad to hear that seeing as Mr. Jones needed his blood drawn and Mr. Anderson," he pointed to the other sleeping man, "was the one that needed the catheter."

My smile fell.

Edward looked at me kindly and added: "If you did it once you can do it again."

I felt a little better at his encouragement and set to work. It wasn't until I was half way through shoving a rubber tube up a man's urethra I realized I had been smiling the whole time like a love sick puppy.

That couldn't be good.


I had been up for 26 hours and I saw no end in sight. I had a mountain of paper work to do before I could even hope for nap.

After my out burst I had tried to be more careful about my charting. So far so good.

I finished my paper work a few hours later and crashed in the on call room. I was out before my head hit the pillow.

I had been asleep for what felt like minutes when I was being shaken wake and yelled at.

"Doctor Cullen, the patient in bed four is having an allergic reaction and stopped breathing. We need you there now!"

I shot out of the bed and ran down the hall grabbing the chart as I went. I looked to see what allergies were listed on the chart and found none.

"It is most likely the Bactrim we gave for the infection. " I deduced. "How are the vitals?"

I hadn't even realized it was Masen running next to me until he answered: "They are not good." He gave me a run down of everything as we hurried to the bed.

I was met with my patient covered from head to foot in large hives and not breathing.

"I can't believe I forgot to tell you he was allergic to sulfa based drugs!" a frantic women was saying as we worked to gain control of the situation. First thing I needed to do was to get her calm and out of here.

"Ma'am, It is ok. We are going to make sure everything is alright, but I am going to need you to wait outside while we work. OK?" I said with a kind but firm voice.

She gave a nod and I signaled for a nurse to take her out.

Once she left I started shouting orders. "Prednisone now! That should reverse the effects... "

Many more orders and 10 stress filled minutes later I had a stable breathing patient.

I let, what I learned to be his wife, back into the room once I'd given her the news.

I made my way back to the on call room once I was satisfied he was in the clear. I was half way there when I realized I was shaking and feeling light headed.

"Easy there. Your adrenaline is wearing off. Come on, I'll help you." Edward grabbed me by the waist and helped me the rest of the way.

"You surprised me in there, Doctor." he said as he helped me on to a bed.

"Why, because I didn't kill him?" I returned defensively.

He chuckled. "Partly. You know I only pick on you because I know you are the best right?"

"Really?" I asked in disbelief.

"No. Not really. I do it because you are fun as hell to piss off." He said laughing harder.

There's the Anti-Christ I know and love.



God Damnit.

"Plus" he continued "You are damn cute when you are pissed."

"Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"Nope." he popped as he said it.

This I could work with, so I decided go for it. "Would you like to go get coffee someplace not here sometime?" I ask avoiding eye contact.

When I got no answer I ventured a peek at him. He was staring at me like I had lost it.

"Did you hit your head before I found you?"

"What? No! Is it so hard to believe I would take you on a date?" I huffed.

"Yes." He didn't even have to think about it.

"Fine. Forget it. See you the next time I screw up." I said trying to stand. Which didn't happen because I was still dizzy. So I did the next best thing. I laid down and pretended to go to sleep.

"Well if you are going to pout about it, then fine." I heard him say while trying to not to laugh.

"You don't have to do me any favors. Thanks. And I am not pouting." OK I was a little. I felt the bed dip as he sat down and warm hands were on my face coaxing me to open my eyes. I did not expect to see the softness in Edward's face that I was was greeted with.

" I would love to go."

"Really, you aren't just saying that because I told you I haven't had sex in months?"

"A little, but it would be nice to get to know you better." He added quickly. "And it would be nice to show you I'm not the devil." He finished with a pointed look.

"K." Was all I could reply. There was no use in denying it.

He looked around, leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "Well, I am a little evil in bed." He nibbled a little on my ear to prove his point. "I only ask one thing in return while we are out."

"What?" Not really caring what it was.

"You must turn your pager off before we go."

Oh. OH!