Complex by planet p

Disclaimer I don't own Esti HaMekho'eret or any of its characters.

It's foolish of me, I know, to love such a person, to have allowed my heart to love such a person, a person who barely sees me at all, but I can't help it. Love is a cautionary thing, I think. It can make you feel on top of the world, and open up the whole world for you to see and feel and enjoy, but it can just as easily bring it all crashing down into rubble and ruin, depending on the outcome of your love.

My love will be just for me. I will not share it, it will remain a secret love. I will not hurt anyone with my love, I will only use it for the purposes of good.

Why is that? you ask. Why must it remain a secret? Undeclared?

He's not married, if that's what you think. He has a girlfriend, of course.

Ush! I must be out of my mind to want to take him away from her, hmm? That's not what I want, at all.

What I would like is for him to settle down with someone he really, truly loves, not just because it makes sense, from a business point of view. I'm thinking about his future, and his happiness.

But the main reason I can't ever tell him – with any hopes of him taking me seriously – is not even because we're from different worlds, socio-economically speaking.

It's because I'm ugly.

There, I've said it.

I'm ugly. I'm not pretty.

So he can never see me for who I really am. I'm hidden inside this exterior people call awful, call ugly, and I can't do anything but try my best, and hope; hope he's every bit the person I fell in love with, underneath the exterior he's been delegated by the rest of the world. Underneath the rich boy, popular with the women, carefree exterior, I hope he has a heart like mine. I hope he has a good heart.

I won't give up on him yet. Not if there's a shred of a chance for him.

How can I? I love him.

Love is a complex thing, after all.