The Truth of the Matter
She told him she loved him because she couldn't help it. He said he couldn't love her because he had no choice. InuYasha X Kagome. One shot.
For those of you who are reading my other stories, I know I said I'd update literally months ago, and now it's almost been a year, and here's why I haven't. Back in March when I decided to revise a bit, I was actually keeping to my two-week schedule (probably for the first time) until something big happened. On March 27, 2010 my dad committed suicide, and I was the last person to talk to him.
It was a really hard time for our entire family, and we're all just now starting to recover. I've tried many times to come back and write for any of my stories, but I just haven't been able to sit down and write for a long time now, no matter how much I wanted to.
But, now that the seriousness has all passed, I just really wanted to say thank you guys for your support. It really means a lot, and it's honestly what got me back into writing and I couldn't have done it without you.
Rated M for some lemon!
I, unfortunately, do not own anything but the plot to this story. InuYasha and Co belong to Rumiko, sadly.
The Truth of the Matter
He was angry again. And he was beautiful.
It had never failed to steal her breath straight from her lungs when he became like this. The manner in which he lost himself in the fury of the battle, not seeing anything other than the goal he set himself to. To him, defeat wasn't an option – it never had been. He was the product of growing up in a world groomed not to hate him, but to hate what he was. He had lived in a world that despised his very essence, simply because they knew nothing else. But they didn't know him, and therefore they couldn't understand him. It was because of this that he was so beautiful, and as much as she hated their ignorance and their plain refusal to see the gift that he was, hidden behind their eyes that saw him only as a curse, she was begrudgingly grateful to their revulsion for him. Because without it, he wouldn't be what he is. And he is beautiful.
But she could. She could see his beauty in ways the others had refused, it was so obvious to her, and she wasn't exactly sure why. It was a thought that had crossed her mind often, though the answer had always seemed to elude her.
It was in the graceful swipe of his claws tearing through the flesh of the beast that stood in their way. It was in the not-so-human feral growl that ripped through his fanged teeth in a sound that had been the last thing many enemies had ever heard. It was in the piercing of his amber eyes as they narrowed in unabashed disdain. The others had always told her that her eyes were like an open book, and that she couldn't hide even if she tried. But she wondered if they also noticed that his were the very same way. So painfully expressive she regularly ached at the depths of the confusion she saw there. He tried to hide, but he couldn't. At least not from her, and she didn't want him to. Because she loved him.
Many have asked her why she feels this way, why did she give her heart to something that will only destroy it? Why devote herself so entirely to a being that only knew nothing of love, and therefore had no hope in returning it? To this she would only smile and say, "It's because of comments like that that the belief demons can not feel love began and so I ask, on what grounds do you believe that is could actually be so?"
Many will say it's because he's a monster, because they are known to maim and torture and destroy all in their path in order to selfishly achieve their own goals. And once again she would smile and shake her head and she would once more find herself marveling in the ignorance that plagued this world almost as thick as it did her own. And she would always respond in the same simple manner, always patient and always kind.
"Why, but don't humans do the very same thing? You're just bitter because demons do it better."
And they would always stare at her in shock, wide-eyed and quiet, all further arguments silenced in their throats. There was never a retort to her claim, she assumed because all knew that what she had declared was nothing but truth. And their stillness gave her hope, because to her it meant they acknowledged the harsh truth of her words, and she hoped it marked the beginning of the ever-present battle against their ignorance. For humans possessed nothing but equally bloodied hands to that of the demon race, disguised by names like war and vengeance.
Most will call her a fool and leave her on her way with nothing but a warning paired with a sharp look in the demons direction. Which is gone almost as quick as it surfaced, no one wanting to offend the temperamental hanyou. InuYasha never said anything about the snide comments made by strangers behind his back, and it saddens her to realize that he was soundless because, maybe, it was something that he had gotten used to a long time ago.
After these encounters had passed, she would always follow suit with a quick jog to the head of the group to stand next to InuYasha only to grab his hand. Lacing her delicate fingers through his, she would smile as soon as she felt his hands close around her own, his many calluses speaking silently of the strength they held.
"I love you," She would say.
"You shouldn't love me," He would respond. "I can't love you back. I made a promise, remember?"
His words would always be like a pin straight to her heart, but she made a promise, too. One she intended to keep. She promised she'd stay by his side, forever. His dismissal of her feelings were always followed by a tight squeeze of his hand, happening so quickly that sometimes she believes she made it up, but praying with all her might that it's not just her imagination keeping her heart from shattering entirely.
Late at night he would prove that he loved her in the only way he knew how, even if he couldn't say it out loud. She would gasp his name as his fingers danced on the milky plane of her skin. She would relish in the way he would make her feel on those nights, with no one to witness their connection except for the moon and the stars and of course, one another. Her hands would tangle their way in his silver tresses that reflected the moonlight in a way that gave him a bluish silver glow, making him appear even less human than his mixed blood claimed. A misunderstood and despised angel having fallen from the heavens and landing in this hell called earth. His tongue would tease its way across her collar bone and up her neck before finally his lips would find her own in a searing kiss that would send fire shooting through her veins and start the heat pooling in her belly. His strong hands would grip her breasts so forcefully it almost hurt but she would do nothing but pull him closer as he nipped her lips with his fangs, drawing blood in a way that excited her down to her core.
His growl of pleasure at her gasps would electrify her and once he had licked away the blood his sharp fangs had drawn, his tongue would slip into her freshly parted mouth as his claws raked a light trail leading down to her hips. She would be wet now; clamping her legs closed as a fresh blush he wouldn't even notice spread across her already red cheeks at the realization. Pulling away from her kiss despite her whimper of protest, InuYasha would stare at her long and hard before placing his hand between her thighs and pushing them apart in order to gain access to her dripping entrance.
Brushing his knuckles against her heated core, her eyes would roll back as she bucked her hips in pleasure. Barely registering his own moan of wanting, she would thrust her hips toward his hand once more, begging without words for him to enter her.
"I can't," He would whisper in her ear, ashamed – not for the first time – of what he was. "My claws."
Hearing the sadness in his voice, she would take his hand, now wet with her own juice, and lick the length of each finger before taking his index into her mouth, not caring about the claws he was so apologetic about. She would savor in the sounds of bliss emitting from his throat as she suckled on his fingertip, before taking another into her mouth, which granted her a hiss of satisfaction. Before long he would take his clawed hand back and yank her so forcefully she would have tumbled forward had his demon strength not been there to catch her.
Flinging herself into the kiss, she would wrap her arms tightly around his neck and lose herself in the taste of InuYasha, drowning not only in the beauty that he was, but also in the overpowering love she felt for him. His clawed hands would once again find their way to her core and he would flick her pearl with enough force to make her moan before laying her flat on her back again. Breaking away from their kiss so she could find air, he would being to ravish her neck with enough fervor that she knew she would have marks in the morning. Not that she minded; it gave her a way to believe that she really was his and he was hers, and the complications of their clashing worlds fell away. He wasn't promised to another woman, she wasn't involved with someone who she knew loved her, but couldn't say it because it just wasn't enough. No matter how much they both wished that it were. He was bound to another, and would soon be journeying to the depths of hell to fulfill a vow to a burden he never should've had to bear.
He suckled on the nipple of one breast and nipped at it once it became hard underneath him, all the while massaging the other with his free hand. Soon, he made his way to her navel, dipping his tongue into it before moving on to the outside of her heated core. She whimpered as his hot breath brushed against her lower lips, anticipation building along with the heat in her belly. Their eyes would lock a moment; electrifying amber with crystallizing sapphire before he would look away and give her a long, slow, and agonizing lick. She would buck her hips in response, she always did, and he would bring his muscular arms to hold her in place as he continued his sensational treatment to her core.
She would become even wetter, and once again blush at the thought. She knew he didn't mind as he lapped her up, but he could tell that she was getting close.
"Say it," He would bark at her, voice husky with passion. "Tell me what you want."
"I-InuYasha," She would stumble through pants. "Inu-!"
"Tell me," He would command again as he nipped at her core and fondled her right breast. "You have to say it."
"I want y-you," She would force out.
"Want me to what, princess?"
"InuYasha!" She would yelp as his tongue actually entered her. "I want you inside me – now."
Without further instruction he would thrust his entire member into her in one fell swoop, and they both would gasp at the feeling that followed. She would once again buck her hips, instigating their rhythm together as his lips found hers with a bruising force that would leave them both breathless as he pounded into her.
She would revel in these moments, she would feel herself stretch to accommodate his enormous member, and it would always feel too good to be true. She knew this was how it was supposed to be. No one had ever touched her like this in her entire life, and she knew that no one else ever could. After awhile his pace would slow as they both felt her tightening beneath him, the heat in her belly becoming almost too much to handle.
"Say my name," He would always command before they finished.
"InuYasha," She would breathlessly pant between much needed gulps of air. "InuYasha. InuYasha. InuYasha."
She would continue this chant of his name, not only because he had asked her to, but also because it was the only thing that kept her grounded – the only part of him that she knew could never be taken from her. And soon, with one last winded cry of his name she would finish and he soon after. He would then collapse beside her, an arm drooped lazily across her flat stomach and they would both catch their breath before he would tug her closer, securely tucking her into the crook of his arm, nose buried in her hair.
"You shouldn't let me do this," He would always whisper into her damp hair. "It'll only make things harder."
Sometimes she would respond with reassurances that she wanted this, because she did, and sometimes she wouldn't, because sometimes she wasn't sure that she actually did. She would lightly draw patterns on his arms, his shoulder, or his back with the tips of her fingers, smiling at herself when goose bumps would rise on his smooth skin. It was in these moments that she knew that he loved her; it was in these moments that she was the happiest, and it was also these moments that caused her the most pain.
Life is irony, she would think, because it can give you moments that absolutely fill your heart with happiness and also absolute and total sadness at the exact same time. He would never tell her that he loved her, because he couldn't. Despite their feelings, he could never truly be hers, no matter how much they both wanted. They could never be more than this, stolen kisses behind trees as the others fetched water, secret nights of passion spent under the stars. Because he had made a promise like she had, one that he had no choice but to keep. And she would never ask him to stay; it wasn't something she could ask him to give up. So this is all that there was for them, a tragic love story in its truest form.
Sometimes they would chat awhile; sometimes she would fall asleep almost instantly, their nightly adorations taking their toll on her frail human body. She would take his hand in hers and lightly trace the outside of his fingers, outlined in the moon's light and pretend – even if only for a moment – that they were only hers to hold.
The same hands that she watched now as they wrapped around the Tetsaiga before unleashing it's immeasurable power on the poor beast they now battled. He never stood a chance. Light shooting toward the enemy with a roar that could be heard for miles, she marveled in the destruction of not only their opponent, but the surrounding terrain as well. Forever marred with the power of the hanyou, much like the heart beating within her own chest. She watched as the sword that kept his demon blood in check transformed in his hands, before he ruthlessly shoved it back into its sheath. With a smile toward him, he quickly turned and began to head north, a clear sign that they were now back on the road again.
She hadn't taken more than three steps when she saw his head whip around toward her, Tetsaiga already drawn.
He had that familiar feral look in his eyes that he always got in the heat of battle, and her eyes widened in realization as she heard a rustle from behind her. The demon wasn't dead. She barely had time to draw her bow before the pain hit her and she was air bound, a scream ripped from her lungs as pain shot up her right arm as she was tossed into a nearby tree. He was by her side in an instant, there only a moment too late to catch her, and his eyes flashed red only for a moment when he saw the blood trailing from her shoulder down to her wrist.
Gods, it hurt. She felt fire racing down her arm as white dots sparkled her vision, she could feel her lungs getting sore from her screaming, but she couldn't hear a thing. Searing pain enveloped not only her arm, but was soon blanketing her entire body. White hot flashes of pure, uncensored pain shot in constant waves up her arm and across her torso. She couldn't even move. Was it supposed to hurt this much?
"It's poison," She vaguely heard Sango say from a distance. "It's a snake demon, after all, the venom is what's causing her to scream like that. Not to mention I bet her shoulder is broken."
She couldn't stop screaming. Her throat was raw and her lungs were dry but she just couldn't stop screaming. Why didn't they make it stop? She felt her cries becoming weaker as her voice and breath gave out. She heard the loud whoosh of Tetsaiga cutting through air followed by the revolting sound of tearing flesh and she knew the demon was dead. She inhaled a shaky breath as she felt her body convulse with the cold. Cold? It was the middle of July; it wasn't supposed to be this cold. That's when she realized.
She was dying.
She inwardly laughed at the thought. What would happen, she wondered, if she were to die here? Would she ever really exist? Or would she just be born again, only to repeat this pattern over and over? She soon felt herself being lifted and let out a small yelp as fresh pain jolted up her arm as it was moved. Not long after, she was flying.
Flying? No, not flying. She was being carried.
"InuYasha…" She managed to croak out.
"Don't even think about it, wench," He spat out before picking up speed. "Don't even think about dying on me."
So, he had noticed it too. She was really dying, then. How corny, she thought, for her to actually be cold while she was dying. She always thought that was something Hollywood had created, a sort of illusion to convince the audience the gravity of the situation. She was actually kind of disappointed they were right. She vaguely wondered if they even actually knew they were correct.
She opened her eyes she didn't even know she had shut when she felt herself gently being placed down and heard a loud rip as she realized he was bandaging her wounds. She almost laughed; didn't he realize that it was a lost cause? She had been poisoned, and she was dying.
"InuYasha…" She began again. "No…use."
"Shut it!" InuYasha spat at her. "Don't talk like that! You're going to be fine, wench, just you see. I'll take care of you like I always do."
She looked at him then, and she noticed for the first time that her vision was getting blurry. Even in her state, she took note of his untamable silver-white hair, wild eyes, and gentle hands. Hands that had been feared because they could rip, tear, and destroy; but also hands that could bandage, heal, and even love. She wanted to remember this; she wanted to have his image forever engrained in her memory before she passed. He wasn't something she was willing to forget.
"You're beautiful," She whispered.
His head flew up to her face when she said this, and he took her face into his hands.
"Stop it," He whispered as tears filled his eyes, but refused to spill. "Don't talk to me like that. Don't give up, god damn it don't leave me, wench! I need you! You're mine. No one else can have you, not even the gods. I refuse to let them take you from me."
It was amazing to her that even in this moment, when her entire body was wracked in unimaginable pain, that this boy – hanyou- could still make her heart swell.
"I'm yours," She whispered as her eyes began to droop. "Always. I love you."
"You shouldn't love me," He whispered as his head dropped and he pulled her into his chest. "I can't love you back. I made a promise, remember?"
She smiled a half smile at his predictable answer, but she knew the truth. He loved her, even if he couldn't say it. Maybe this was better after all; no one would have to be left behind. This is how tragic love stories go, she would've died when he left anyway.
She could feel her own breath slow as the tears from his eyes splashed onto her cheeks, and using the last of her strength, she lifted up her good hand and wiped them away. Taking his hand in hers, she began to feel her heart slow as her world slowly faded to black. The last thing she saw was his eyes widen as he, too, heard her heart falter.
"I can't love you back," He whispered onto her cold skin. "But I do. I love you, Kagome."
And that was the last thing she heard.
Not the happiest, I know, but such is the mood I've been in lately. I hope you all enjoyed. And for those of you who are like me and don't really read the author's notes at the top, please scroll up and do. But here's a recap:
To all my readers of my other stories, expect new chapters by the end of the weekend. This was just to get my creative juices flowing again so the others should be along shortly. Thank you for all your support in this really hard time, I couldn't have continued writing without you.
As always, read and review. Thank you so much.