I wrote this for a prompt on the glee_fluff_meme

Tiny reference to BIOTA, not enough to be a spoiler.

Title is from the Mika song of the same name.

Established Blaine/Kurt relationship, they both transferred to McKinley. Mention of Mike/Tina and Sam/Santana.

Five times Blaine witnessed Kurt acting like the perfect heterosexual boyfriend to someone else, and one time Kurt was the perfect boyfriend to Blaine.


Blaine was sitting in the McKinley choir room, waiting for glee club practice to start when he saw something that made him choke on air. Kurt, his boyfriend who was supposed to be very gay, entered the room with an arm around both Quinn's and Tina's waists. He was holding them close, parading like a fucking pimp, while they were whispering in his ears and giggling.

Blaine didn't understand what was going on. He'd only been at McKinley for a few weeks, but judging by the absence of reaction from the other members, this must be a normal occurrence. He took a look at Mike. He was deeply in conversation with Puck when they entered the room, and he only nodded to Tina who blew him a kiss, before turning back to Puck.

His girlfriend was all over the resident gay and he didn't care? Kurt and the girls took seats right in the middle of the front row. Kurt kept his arms around them and they drew their chairs closer to his.

Might as well sit on his lap, while they were at it, Blaine thought bitterly. At the end of practice, he accosted Mike.

"Did you see that?"

Mike looked puzzled. "See what?"

"The way your girlfriend was all over my boyfriend during practice?"

Mike shrugged.

"It's no big deal; they do this all the time."

"You're not worried they might cheat on us?"

"Blaine. The dude's gay. You should know," he added with a naughty look.

"Well, he didn't look gay to me there." Blaine grumbled before leaving the room, hoping he'd catch up with Kurt before he left.


Blaine, Kurt and Rachel were at Mercedes for their Weekly Diva Movie Night. Blaine and Kurt were cuddling on one side of the couch, Mercedes was sitting on the other side, and Rachel in an armchair.

Halfway through the movie, Mercedes propped her feet in Kurt's lap. He looked at her, and she flashed a big grin at him, mouthing the word "please". Kurt nodded and took off her slippers, proceeding to massage her feet.

Blaine's jaw dropped. He was giving foot massages now, like a fucking perfect straight boyfriend? Judging b y their mute understanding, it wasn't the first time, either.

Mercedes had a wide smile on her face, eyes closed; she wasn't even paying attention to the movie anymore. It looked like she was enjoying this way more than Blaine deemed appropriate.

He thought it was over when, at the end of the movie, she got up and picked up her slippers, but she hugged Kurt and kissed him softly on the lips.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"Anytime, boo," Kurt answered.

He then took Blaine's hand and went to get their coats like nothing happened.


Blaine and Kurt were in the school's boy's bathroom, trying to clean up the red dye from their faces and clothes. They'd just had a confrontation with Azimio and some other jocks, the fourth since Blaine and Kurt transferred.

The bathroom door opened with a bang and Brittany ran to Kurt's side.

"I just heard, are you okay, sweetie?"

"Yeah, I'm kinda used to it, you know? But thanks for your concern, honey." Kurt smiled to her.

"Here, let me help you." She lifted Kurt's shirt over his head and began to dry him with paper towels. The touches were soft, more like caresses. Blaine could see goose bumps forming on Kurt's skin and they were not just from the cold Slushie: he clearly seemed to enjoy it.

When his chest was dry and clear of red dye, Brittany stood back, inspecting him to make sure there weren't any left. Her eyes suddenly lighted up.

"Oops, I missed a spot!" She leaned in and licked the corner of Kurt's mouth.

Blaine couldn't believe his eyes. How could she do this right there in front of him, and how could Kurt let her?

Brittany reached in her bag and handed Kurt a bundle of fabric.

"Here, I brought you one of Artie's shirts, he didn't mind when I told him it was for my dolphin."

Dolphin? What was that nickname?

"Thank, hon. You're the best," Kurt said before pressing a kiss at the corner of her mouth.

Blaine watched, wide-eyed, Brittany leaving the bathroom with the usual spring in her step.

"Are you coming?" Kurt asked him while buttoning up Artie's shirt.

Blaine made a last half-hearted attempt at drying his hair before he gave up. He didn't even want to ask Kurt for explications, he just wanted to get to class, hoping U.S. History would somehow help him forget what he saw.


When he heard Santana was throwing a party, he tried to prepare himself psychologically. This was a party, there would be booze and affection-craving girls, and Kurt was most likely to pull another of his straight-guy stunts.

Blaine would be ready. He would drink, dance, hang-out with the guys, and wouldn't let it get to him.

He wasn't prepared for that, though. The song Sexual Eruption began to blast through the speakers. Santana jumped to her feet, downed the tequila shot she was holding, and dragged Kurt by the hand to the dance floor.

She started grinding on him. At first, Kurt was laughing – he'd already had a few drinks – but gradually he began to move to the music. He finally turned Santana around and began grinding too, pressing his hips against her ass. He had one hand on her stomach to hold her close, the other on her hip. She reached behind her, pressing a hand to his neck, to pull him even closer. He buried his face in her neck.

It was only then that Blaine noticed how filthy this song was. It was very slow, so it only looked like they were fucking, standing up, right there in front of everybody.

He casted a quick glance to the other side of the room, where Sam was playing videogames, completely oblivious that his girlfriend was way too close to Kurt to be innocently friendly. Blaine walked over to him; he figured that he should know.


"Hm?" Sam barely paid him attention, his eyes glued to the screen.

"I think you should check out what's going on on the dance floor."

"Just a sec." He waited to kill Finn's character before he turned to look. He watched for maybe half a second before returning to his game.

"It doesn't bother you?" Blaine couldn't believe it.

Sam shrugged. "Why should it?"

"They're practically dry humping right there in front of everyone!"

"Oh, come on! Kurt's totally gay, there's nothing between them. Actually, I should thank him; while he's dancing with Santana, I don't have to, and I can stay here and kick Finn's ass at Super Smash."

"Hey!" Finn objected.

Blaine sighed before sitting on the arm of the couch.

"I know you all say he's gay, but he's so close to all of the girls, I can't believe nothing's ever happened with anyone of them!"

Finn piped up.

"Well, there was that time with Brittany – "

Blaine choked, almost spitting out his beer.


"Yeah, they kinda dated, but he was just trying to please his father, and it just confirmed to everyone that he was completely gay. You don't have to worry, dude, that's just how he is."

Blaine nodded, not quite sure he was convinced, and joined Mercedes, Tina and Mike in their game of quarters. He needed to numb his brain, stat, and if it turned out like Rachel's party, well he could just say that Kurt had had it coming.


They were all in the choir room, listening to yet another tirade by Rachel about nationals. Kurt sighed loudly.

"Rachel, you know last year I locked you up in my basement so you'd shut up. I'm not afraid to do it again." His voice was menacing, but Blaine noticed a mischievous spark in his eye. Rachel didn't look at all fazed by the threat. She was, actually, trying to hide a smile. She shut up nevertheless, and sat back on the chair next to Kurt's taking his hand between both of hers, and putting her head on his shoulder.

Something clicked in Blaine's head, and he whispered to Finn:

"Hey, Kurt's basement, last year… Wasn't that his bedroom?"

Finn nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"So, he locked her up in his own bedroom? To shut her up?"

"That's right."

"And that's not weird at all, you'll say?"

"Look, Blaine, how many times will we have to tell you that Kurt's gay and loves you?"

"He has a funny way to show it."

Finn sighed and turned his attention back to Mr. Shue, who was trying to decide on a set list for the nationals.

[& ONE]

Blaine was home alone, studying for a test, when the doorbell rang. He wasn't expecting anybody, and he wondered who would come to see him at 9:30 on a Wednesday night.

The first thing he saw when he opened the door was a huge bouquet of flowers. Then legs. Then Kurt's eyes, just above the bouquet. Blaine could usually figure out anything Kurt was thinking just by looking at those eyes. It was harder right now, because the rest of his face was hidden, but he thought he saw a mix of sadness and guilt, but also excitement, probably at the idea of surprising him with flowers.

Kurt handed him the bouquet and followed him to the kitchen to put them in water.

"Finn told me," Kurt said.

Blaine wasn't even expecting to see Kurt that night, so he didn't have a clue what he was talking about.

"Told you what?"

"How you feel about my behavior with the girls."


"I didn't know it was affecting you. You should have told me, instead of Finn."

"And Sam. Oh, and Mike, too."

"You told everyone about this and you couldn't even tell me?" Kurt seemed like he was feeling less guilty and more annoyed.

"Well, their girlfriends were involved, and I wanted to know what they thought about this before overreacting."

"Which you did anyway."

"Yeah, I know. God, I feel so stupid, Kurt, I'm really sorry."

Kurt took his hand.

"Hey, when I came here, I was the one who wanted to apologize. I'm really sorry you felt left out and you were confused about my intentions. You're the one I love, and I'm totally and undoubtedly gay. Those girls are like my sisters, we're so comfortable around each others that we can do anything; it has never bothered any of the guys before. I didn't realize you weren't used to it, and I guess when I transferred back to McKinley we just fell back in our old habits. It felt so natural for me that I didn't even think about clearing it up for you."

Blaine nodded, trying to take it all in. He didn't really know what to say, he still felt really stupid for blowing this out of proportions instead of just talking to Kurt.

"Thanks for the flowers," he finally said.

"Thanks for understanding. But next time something's bothering you, talk to me before sharing it with the whole club, will you?"

They both laughed, and it felt so great to feel this close to him again.

Kurt kissed him, holding him really close, as if he wanted to reassure him, to tell him he was right there, just for him.

"Shall we go, then?" he said as he broke the kiss. "I have a table for two reserved at Breadstixx. Just you and me, nobody else. I'm gonna treat you right," he added with a wink.