Talk about a vent! I needed to vent and wanted to write something about BBxRae, because, they're a-freaking-dorbale. I started writing, and this is the result.
'I walk with my head down, tryin' to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you.' – 'Mean' – Taylor Swift.
It had been 2 months, 2 torturous, agonisingly slow months since Terra had been encased in earth. Raven couldn't help but find the whole situation faintly ironic.
For a long time it was the only thing she really had. The one thing she had power over, and in the end, it consumed her.
Raven thought to herself as she meditated on the roof of Titan's tower. Raven felt slight pity for Terra, they had never hidden their distaste towards each other, but if Raven was being honest with herself, they had more in common than either of them would have liked. Having limited control over their own abilities was one of them, the obvious one. Then came the complicated part. The thing that made Terra and Raven alike in a way only Raven knew, BeastBoy.
Raven sighed as she thought it, her meditation forgotten momentarily. Both herself and Terra loved BeastBoy. Raven had never admitted that to herself, she knew her fondness for him was growing with every passing day. She hadn't understood it until the day she saw him cry, the day he cried because she left him. Raven's anger began to rise but with a few quick chants of her mantra it was tamed easily. Terra had left them, probably forever, concealed within a rocky tomb. BeastBoy had cried and Raven's heart had shattered at the sight of it, causing a few boulders to explode around them. Nobody had asked why Raven's emotions had gotten the better of her; they all assumed it was the result of the intense, emotional situation. It was that day, that she admitted her love for him, but only to herself…
A gentle breeze controlled the air, blowing raven's hair into her face, her violet eyes opened to watch the sun's last rays fall over the horizon. She'd been on the roof all afternoon. In truth, she'd been trying to avoid BeastBoy, he was so cut up over Terra, and Raven couldn't stand to see him in pain, especially because there was nothing she could do to help him. He didn't want her, he wanted Terra. That thought alone tugged at Raven's heart.
He will never be yours, but, right now, he needs you…
A logical part of her mind reasoned. The rest of the titans had been trying futilely to get BeastBoy back, he wasn't smiling, he wasn't eating properly, and he wasn't even speaking. The titans were a team; they'd all made so much effort to make BeastBoy feel better, all of them, except Raven. She was too wrapped up in her own issues with Terra. She didn't want to see BeastBoy cry over Terra, it made her want to sob her heart out and turn green with envy all at the same time. Her need for meditation had doubled, maybe even tripled in the last 2 months.
Do you really want him to think you don't care at all?
"Of course I don't." she muttered to herself and headed back inside.
She headed into the common room with her hood up, hiding her face.
"Friend Raven!" Starfire called from the kitchen.
"What is it Starfire?"
"I'm afraid we have not yet discovered a way to make Friend BeastBoy himself again." She murmured, the sadness evident in her tone.
With a sigh Raven turned and left the room, she didn't know what to say to make Starfire feel better. But she did know that if BeastBoy was better, the whole team would be happier. With that thought, she went to find him.
She cleared her throat as quietly as she could before knocking on BeastBoy's door. "BeastBoy, it's me, Raven." She said quietly.
"Rae?" BeastBoy asked softly as he stood behind the partially open door.
"Can I come in?"
Beastboy nodded and stepped aside, letting her past. BeastBoy shut the door after her and for a long moment they just looked at each other, neither one of them really sure what to say. Raven registered the bags under his eyes, his irises no longer filled with the sparkle she loved to see. His hair was in complete disarray and his shoulders were slumped.
"Everyone's really worried about you." She told him softly.
"They don't understand." He muttered.
"I'm worried about you…" she admitted.
That caught him off guard; he studied her face for a moment, as if trying to decide whether or not she was serious. The left corner of his mouth lifted slightly.
"I haven't done anything to help you, when I know I should have. I feel terrible for not coming to see you sooner, but I have no idea what you need to hear, what I could possibly do to make things easier."
"I thought you didn't care…" He confessed with his eyes downcast.
How wrong you are…
"I'm just not really good at this sort of thing…" she trailed off, she couldn't quite bring herself to say what she wanted to, that she did care about him, and could never stop because she loved him. Raven was never one to wear her heart on her sleeve.
"The awful part is, I'm more angry than upset. I mean, she betrayed us, and in the end, she saved us. I don't know whether she deserves our forgiveness, but I'm gonna forgive her because that's just the kind of person I am. I'm angry at myself for not doing more to help her, I'm angry at Slade for making her the way she was, I'm angry at her for joining Slade in the first place!" He rushed out; Raven couldn't help the hope that built within her, as BeastBoy had not yet said he was upset over losing Terra.
"So, you're just angry at her..." Raven clarified, trying not to sound too interested.
BeastBoy sighed "I'm upset that she's gone, of course I am, she saved us, and I just wish I could've returned the favour. She was our friend, whether you liked her or not, she was a friend to us. Losing someone is always hard, no matter how you feel about them."
"How do you feel about her?" Raven didn't know what possessed her to ask, and she knew the answer could tear her apart, but she didn't want to deal with her curiosity if she didn't find out.
"I don't know anymore…" He sighed softly and looked up at Raven, their eyes locking. "It's no secret that I had a crush on her, everyone knew. But, I've been doing a lot of thinking recently…"
"About?" Raven pushed.
"Why…" He stated simply, Raven didn't think he'd continue and was about to say he didn't have to tell her, but he spoke again. "She was misunderstood, I wanted nothing more than to see her smile, I wanted to help her control her powers because I knew how insecure she was about them. I wanted to be there for her, the mystery she had was fascinating to me, and I wanted to know her, really know her. Half of the time I could tell she thought I was immature, but she put up with me…" He trailed off again and Raven could feel tears threatening to escape, she chanted her mantra again and again in her head to try and calm herself.
Raven looked up to see BeastBoy staring at her, his expression soft and his eyes searching hers, she didn't know what he was looking for, or what he found. Raven had the distinct feeling that they weren't talking about Terra anymore.
"I had a crush on Terra, because the person I did want, who was more like her than she realised, wouldn't give me the time of day…" He murmured. "That person's you, Rae."
Raven gasped softly and her heart swelled to near bursting point, their lips collided before either of them had even registered their own movements. BeastBoy wasn't upset over losing Terra, he had been at first, but over time he was upset because he thought Raven hadn't cared about him. Raven's lips brushed again and again against BeastBoy's and he smiled against them, he smiled for the first time in 2 months. Without conscious thought Raven's lips parted and BeastBoy's tongue gently, hesitantly explored her mouth, as if testing the waters.
I should have done this months ago…
The world could have been exploding, the tower could have disappeared, years could have passed, they wouldn't have noticed. When they did pull back, BeastBoy's arms were wrapped securely, but gently around Raven's waist, her hands clasped behind his neck, her fingertips fiddling with the hair there.
"Rae?" He asked softly as Raven rested her head on his shoulder.
"I love you."
I love reviews more than Vanilla icecream and that twitter conversation I had with Greg Cipes (the voice of BeastBoy) Yeah, I'm serious. Don't worry, I'd be jealous too! He's so sweet!