Is Forever Possible? by RGoodfellow64
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, Rick or Kate or anything associated with the show. That's all for ABC...
Kate sat on her couch, wondering how she even got home. The events of today swirling in her head. 'My God, that was so...' she didn't even know how to describe it.
These past weeks since she ended things with Josh, Castle had been a little quieter, less himself, not listening or aware of what was happening. Esposito even had to ask him three times if he had anything to say about that last, weird case they just finished. Something was going on but she didn't know what, and it bothered her, more than she would admit, to see him like that.
Looking out the corner of her eye she'd ask, "Are you OK?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, just thinking." Always the same answer.
Then this afternoon, he never looked at her finishing the paperwork, just stared straight ahead till he suddenly asked if he could talk to her in private.
"Sure. Right now?" He nodded yes.
Something was about to happen and she was afraid he was leaving again. Her heart beat faster and her stomach fell as he followed her into the meeting room and closed the door. As she sat down, he seemed nervous, running his hands through his hair with small, jerky motions. His eyes were wide and he looked scared.
"Beck... Kate. I have something I want to say, something I need to say and I don't quite know how, so please, don't say anything, just listen. OK?"
She nodded with growing uncertainty and he continued.
"When I was growing up I had nannies, the occasional man was around with Mother, and I decided that would never be the life I would live. I wanted substance; I wanted someone whom I could trust with every aspect of my life and who would trust me with hers, I wanted... forever. When I met Kyra I thought she was it, but then she left, telling me not to follow, and I found out what a broken heart is."
Kate sat mesmerized as the words just poured out of his mouth. 'I have never seen him like this before' she thought.
"She never got in touch with me; it was as if nothing had ever happened between us. That made the hurt seem worse and any healing all but impossible. When you told me about Demming, I realized I did the same thing to you, and I am so ashamed and sorry."
She started to say something but he quickly interrupted.
"No, please, don't say anything, let me finish. At any rate, as my books sold more and I became more well known, no one I met seemed real, or wanted real, they all wanted Rick Castle the author. So I gave them what they wanted.
I knew from the beginning that Meredith wasn't long term, but she was pregnant and I was both frightened and exhilarated knowing I was going to be a father."
A soft, smile briefly appeared on his face. That endearing one she so loved to see.
"After Alexis was born, she became the focus of my life. I luxuriated in the feelings that being with her brought. Meredith left and I thought that Alexis should have a more normal life than a single playboy father. Gina was focused and good in business, and I thought she would be good for us both, but that's pretty much all it was between us, business. I never really felt comfortable letting her get close to Alexis. And soon it was just the two of us again. Outside of Alexis, nothing was real, just phony, so I continued to give people what they wanted, and before long that's who I was."
He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath.
"Then I met you."
Those last words were so intense she had to lower her eyes. She thought, 'This is like a flood, a torrent, like a dam burst and he can't stop.' She quickly refocused on his words, spoken with an intensity, and emotion she had never seen in him before.
"I haven't been real in a long time Kate, and it's hard; but I'm finding it easier more and more to be just me, the more I'm with you. You've brought out the real in me, and I thought I lost it so long ago.
You are the best friend I have ever had. I trust you more than anyone or anything, especially with the most precious thing in my life, Alexis. You are a wonderful friend, a great friend and partner, and I don't want to ruin what we have but I can't... I want... I... hell, as a writer I'm doing a lousy job here... "
He slowed down, taking another ragged breath.
"I have never felt anything like this before in my life. Kate, what I had with Kyra pales compared to the happiness, the sense of completeness I have when I'm with you."
She raised her head and her eyes widened as he continued to speak.
"I know I am taking a huge risk here, but the strongest relationships have their foundation in honest friendships, and even though I may jeopardize that with what I want to say, I can't...I can't keep holding it inside. Kate, I cannot imagine forever without you there. I have never met anyone before who is as amazing as you. I called you extraordinary, but that word doesn't begin to describe what I feel for you. "
Her heart was pounding so loud she could hardly hear his words any more. Her own breathing became ragged as he continued speaking with a passion she had only experienced when reading his books.
"Right now there is nothing as important to me as this. You once told me that you're looking for a 'one and done'. For a long time I gave up on forever. When I look at you, hell, every time I think or dream of you, I feel that forever is possible again."
His blue eyes bored into hers as he spoke softly.
"Kate, I want to see if we can be that for each other, I really, really do."
She stopped remembering as it dawned on her, Oh no! I never gave him an answer! I couldn't even speak then. That wasn't just honest, that was raw. That was naked. He opened himself completely to me, he exposed every fear he had and I couldn't respond. I don't even remember breathing. I don't remember when he left or when I did. Oh my God, what must he be thinking? What must he be feeling?
She picked up her phone and called him.
"Castle", he said.
"Rick? So do I."