Author's Note: Hey all! This story takes place after 'New Girl', so there may be spoilers at various points by way of reference. It is femslash, so if you can't handle that, don't read it. I'm always eager for reviews, so please R&R! It most definitely encourages updating. This chapter is a bit slow, mostly because it's the beginning. Think of it as a Preface, really. I'm trying to set the stage, give some backstory, etc. It's a bit messy because I don't bother editing much when it comes to fanfic, honestly, and it's been awhile since I've written. This is only the start of a larger story. I don't do one-shots. Hope you enjoy! Oh, and the title and all the chapter titles come from the Radiohead song "Lotus Flower" (though, in case anyone is curious, the lyrics are not used in order). Also, I obviously don't own the show or any of the characters. Or anything, really.

This story will be rated T for potential language, sexual situations, etc. I don't do graphic sex, so I'm not calling it M. But there is sex and it's totes gay, kiddos!

All I Want Is the Moon Upon a Stick

Chapter One: Do What We Want

It had been over a month since her breakup with Chad Dylan Cooper, following the Teen Choice Awards. She'd gotten it out of her system, more or less, in a song—although in all honesty, the song had been more about herself than him, a monologue in her head paired with a melody, a few lines thrown in here and there for the sake of the song, with very little truth behind them. She didn't care about 'what to do' with Chad. He'd been a publicity stunt, really—a fact that she was semi-ashamed of. Using people was never OK with her, but her mother coaxed her into it, saying it would help with certain rumors that had apparently sprung up about her. She was confused about what to do with herself. Things weren't getting any easier as time went on. She was crammed in between the proverbial rock and the proverbial hard place.

She sighed and leaned back on the prop house sofa. When she had moved from West Appleton, Wisconsin to Hollywood, her first thought, unshared with anyone else, had been that she could be herself in Hollywood. It was a big city, people had more open minds. It wasn't a small town where everyone knew everyone and rumors spread like a wildfire—ok, well, the rumors still spread pretty fast, but it wasn't the same. In West Appleton, if it got out that she was queer, she'd have lost almost everything. She'd have been called a sinner and a whore and dyke. Sure, people in Hollywood might throw those terms around, but SoCal is a liberal kind of place, right?

Wrong. Her mother made it very clear to her when the call from Marshall Pike came, inviting her to join the cast of her favorite TV show, that she couldn't tell anyone. It wasn't that her mother was ashamed, quite the opposite. Connie Munroe was entirely supportive—but the rest of the world was not and if Sonny wanted to make a name for herself than she was going to have to keep details like that a secret. Those details would cost her fans, it would cost her roles, potentially. Maybe someday, when she had established herself, she could be open. But she was a nobody as far as Hollywood was concerned and if she wanted a shot, she had to fit the mold and be easy to relate to for teenagers. Straight teenagers, anyway. Condor Studios and other networks that targeted kids were not interested in incurring the wrath of parents by representing queer kids. Kid TV was heterosexual, through and through. It didn't matter that there were gay 14 year-olds and 10 year-olds and 8 year-olds out there who needed a role model that actually represented them, homosexuality was an adult theme. Gay kids simply didn't exist in kids' television. It was all about following your dreams and being true to yourself… but only to a point. Not all dreams deserved to be followed, or even mentioned. And being true to yourself was only acceptable when you were who they wanted you to be.

The phone rang, or rather, mooed, snapping Sonny out of her sad revelry. "Hello?"

"Hey, Sonny," Lucy's voice came through the phone. Sonny's closest friend, her girlfriend, actually, though that was known to no one, not even Sonny's mother, was in town visiting.

"Hey," Sonny perked up. "Where are you? It's almost ten. I have a curfew, you know."

"I know, I know, I got sidetracked," Lucy explained. "You'll never guess who I saw at Baskin Robbins!"

Sonny smiled to herself as Lucy began rambling off her story about her Ashley Tisdale sighting. Lucy was easily starstruck. The first time she met Tawni and Chad, she almost fainted. Still, it seemed that she was getting sidetracked an awful lot these last couple days. The majority of their relationship existed online since they didn't start dating until after Sonny moved to Hollywood. There had been some fooling around back in West Appleton, and they obviously liked each other, but it didn't become official until the night following Chad's birthday party the first time Lucy visited Sonny. Sonny had been extremely jealous of others spending time with Lucy and her friend had made it up to her later that night in ways she never would have suspected. She had visited a couple times since, and they hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other. But this time, it was different. Lucy was getting increasingly distracted with things, it was as if she was always trying to find something to do other than be with her. Sonny couldn't bring herself to feel too hurt by this fact though. She had been faithful to Lucy, of course, but her eyes wandered quite a bit. Hollywood was full of beautiful women, after all. She even shared a dressing room with one of them.

"And she even looked right at me and smiled! I almost died!"

Sonny forced a laugh. "That's great!"

"Isn't it? Anyway, I should be back in about fifteen minutes and then we can go home."

She hung up. She reached for the remote when she heard a crashing sound, followed by giggling. She rose and headed toward the hallway. She heard footsteps, running away from her, and when she reached the doorway, all she found was Tawni, hair disheveled, buttoning up her shirt and closing the door to the supply closet.

Sonny grinned, crossing her arms. Since joining So Random she had caught Tawni in similar situations a hundred times—although somehow, she never managed to see the guy. Tawni knew how to keep things secret and still get her rocks off. Sonny always found her afterwards, the guy, no doubt thrilled with himself for nailing Tawni Hart (no matter how east a feat that may be), never anywhere to be seen. And Tawni never gave up a name. The only thing Sonny knew was that, supposedly, it wasn't one guy. Initially, Sonny had suspected a secret boyfriend, but Tawni shot that down quick. She didn't have time to bother with a boyfriend. She just wanted to have a little fun and took advantage when that opportunity presented itself, no matter who with. A little slutty for Sonny's taste, but somehow it made sense for Tawni.

"Waiting for Lucy?" Tawni asked, walking past Sonny and into the prop house.

"Yeah, she ran into Ashley Tisdale getting ice cream and stalked her for an hour, apparently."

"Uh huh," Tawni nodded, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottled water. "Sounds to me like someone's getting lucky."

Sonny frowned. "No, trust me, that's not it." Even she didn't believe the words as they left her lips.

She shook her head, not wanting to think about it. In need of a subject change, she decided to tell Tawni some news guaranteed to peak the aloof blonde's interest. "You know, I got an offer to be on another show."

"What show?" Tawni asked, clearly trying to sound disinterested and failing entirely.

"Oh, a sitcom. For ABC. They're offering me a lot more money and I'd be on primetime."

"Primetime? You? How on earth would you, of all people, get an offer-"

"I don't know if I should take it though," Sonny interrupted her. "It would mean breaking my contract with Condor Studios and I know I could manage it, but I would feel bad, you know?"

"No, I don't know. Why would you stay on a kids network when you could go on to primetime television? Not that I care, or think you deserve it, but apparently ABC is desperate and didn't think they would get me, so they went for you. Which is a good choice on their part, because I'd turn them down flat."

"You would? But you just said-"

"If they'd come to me first, I'd have gone with them, but knowing that they went to you first? Instead of me? Tawni Hart? Hell no!"

"But it's still a shot at primetime," Sonny shrugged. "I don't know though."

"You don't want to go, I can tell," Tawny took a seat beside her on the couch.

"No, I haven't decided."

"Yes, you have, your answer is no."

"I think you don't want me to go."

"What? Why would I care? I never wanted you here in the first place," Tawni scoffed.

Sonny rolled her eyes. "You really are never going to let go of that, are you?"

"Of course I'm over it, Tawni Hart doesn't get stuck on things, I'm above that."

"Uh huh," Sonny replied sarcastically. "Why don't you want me to go then?"

"I never said I didn't."

"You're insisting that I want to stay, even though I never said that."


"Hey Tawni!" Lucy squealed as she entered. "I can't believe I've been here for four days and haven't seen you yet!" She threw her arms around Tawni.

"Neither can I," Tawni replied, doing her best to sound excited. She had been deliberately avoiding the studio except for rehearsal precisely because Sonny's friend was around. They had fun the first time she came, and then she just got increasingly clingy and more irritating with each subsequent visit. Although Tawni couldn't help but notice that she'd grown up a fair amount since the last time. She was much prettier, even if still every bit as annoying. She could work with that.

"It's getting late," Sonny said, getting up. "My mom has texted me ten times already."

Tawni smirked. "It's a Friday night."

"Are you going out? Is there a party?" Lucy could hardly contain her excitement. Sonny couldn't hide her disappointment.

Tawni shook her head, somewhat sympathetic to Sonny's feelings, even if she rarely showed it. "I've got a date, actually." There was a new Mac Falls actress who was most definitely worth a try.

"Oh, well, alright. Sonny and I have plans of our own anyway," Lucy shrugged.

"Of course," Tawni nodded and turned to leave.

When the blonde was out of sight, Sonny slipped her arm around Lucy's waste. "Let's go home."