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A certain drunken truth
WARNING WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ HAS BEEN KNOWN TO KILL PEOPLE. YOUR HEAD MAY EXPLODE.
In a certain apartment, Accelerator was sitting in all his grumpiness with Last Order on his lap. They watched the TV as Yoshikawa was busy composing complex mathematical equations on sheets of paper. All was well, until Yomikawa burst into the place, with a bag in hand.
"Hey everyone!" she said in a merry tone.
"Oh, did you get that promotion you wanted, Aiho?" the researcher questioned.
"Nope! But that's not important! I got sake for that!"
She spilled the contents of her bag onto the dinner table, where Yoshikawa was working.
"Yeahhh! Works wonders and it's cheap!"
One of the bottles was already empty.
"You're drunk, aren't you?"
"Yoshikawa Onee-san is making baseless assumptions!"
Across from the two adults, Last Order and Accelerator stared at their guardian, the little girl puzzled and the albino simply annoyed.
"'Why is Yomikawa behaving in a funny way?' Misaka Misaka asks her still-sane guardian."
"Brats shouldn't know about that."
"'But Misaka Misaka wants to know about this amazing adult stuff!' Misaka Misaka tries throwing a tantrum in hopes Accelerator spills the metaphorical beans!"
"Stop moving around you're pissing me off!"
While Accelerator and Last Order fought, the P.E teacher happily got glasses for the sake.
"Kikyou, you want some?"
"Half a glass if you really want…"
Yomikawa, with a big stupid grin all over her face poured her researcher friend a glass and one for herself. She drank it all in one shot.
"Aw yeah, that's the stuff! Accelerator!"
"What now?" he snarled from the couch.
"Want some too?"
Accelerator let it slide for a few seconds before snapping back.
"Bah! Kids these days! First you don't even flinch when seeing naked women then you can't even have a drink? Hmmm…"
He cocked an eyebrow.
"Are you implying something, woman?"
He stood up and faced the drunk P.E teacher.
"Then say it to my face!"
She showed no hesitation as she stuck out her tongue and said, "Whimp~!"
Yoshikawa saw Accelerator leap in the teacher's general direction, and she was about to yell out. But…
"I'll show you who's a fucking whimp! I can drink three of these and not even puke!"
"Prove it then!"
She and Last order watched on as a sip turned into a couple of shots, then glasses, then entire bottles. It was getting really hard to work when the both of them were singing Kumbaya and were spouting utter nonsense. Nevertheless, she reached out for her scientific calculator and started to input commands. She was interrupted by Last Order tugging on her jeans.
"'Misaka Misaka is scared of her two guardians.' Misaka Misaka mumbles from beneath the chair."
"They'll cool off soon. Just-"
"I'm always running after you! You are my ideal! You are me!" the two sang horribly while clashing their respective sake bottle.
"Yare yare…" the researcher rubbed her sinuses.
'Where's the video camera? This might be worth keeping as potential blackmail.'
While she was off searching, Yomikawa and the completely out-of-character Accelerator kept on erratically shouting random bits of insanity as if it was coherent and sensical.
"Ne, Accelerator, 'I ever tell you about that time where a boy walked in on Komoe changing and literally got hung from a lamppost?"
"What kind of sick deranged person would try to peek at that 'thing'? Even that brat over there has more stuffing than her!" he waved his limp finger at the brat in question.
Hearing this, Last Order quickly retreated to her room and tucked herself in. She just hoped this wasn't a permanent condition.
"Hehehehehe~ Now I have myself a man, right Kikyou-chan?"
Yomikawa clung to Accelerator, and to the still-sober researcher's bafflement, he returned it.
"So this is what Tsuchimikado means by love-comedy situation. I'm liking this!"
Then Yomikawa started to choke up and ran for the bathroom while shouting, "Crap, gotta puke. Be right back!"
And so, Accelerator won the battle. Too bad he didn't even remember the reason he took the first drink. His mind was a great void that randomly shifted priorities and needs. One minute he wanted to sing stupid anime songs, another he wanted to give out free hugs to whoever he could get his pale hands on.
Yoshikawa had now found a working camera, turned it on, set it to record, put it on the table and centered it on the comedy scene. She couldn't resist putting the so-called "drunken truth" to the test. She gave a chuckle before asking something out of red-eyed albino.
"Hey, Accelerator. What is your deepest secret?"
He stopped briefly before happily spilling out what the researcher wanted to hear.
"Ah, one time that KIIIHAAARAAA-KUUUNNN bastard made me wear girl's clothing. Stripped underwear, short skirt and even a bra! For some reason he thought that would help me develop my powers. Bah who cares, I liked it!"
Yoshikawa nodded absent-mindedly before her eyes shot open, her mouth agape.
"What did you just say?"
"The thing about girl's clothing."
"Aw yeah, one time that KIIIHAAARAAA-KUUUNNN bastard made me-"
He repeated what he had said seconds earlier, and it still struck the researcher in the gut.
"I…wow that's horrib-wait, you LIKED IT?"
"Oh yeah, totally. I looked damn good! Those were the times…"
She didn't know what to say, so she reached out for the sake bottle and downed it.
Afterwards, she, Yomikawa and Accelerator played Twister. Then her memories got fuzzy and the last thing she remembered before falling asleep on a shirtless Accelerator that had whip-cream eyebrows was reaching out for the camera and plugging it into the computer.
Kakine Teitoku, leader of the underground organisation SCHOOL, was woken up by his cellphone vibrating in his pocket. Still half-asleep, he lazily read the text he had received. He had given specific orders to his lackeys not to bother him unless something truly important was taking place. What he found made him angry.
"LOLOLOL U GOT 2 C THIS!"
He mused about ripping the fool's spine out of his bloodied carcass, but he clicked the attached link anyways. What he saw left him with a puzzled look.
He looked at the clock. 10 am, Monday.
He threw his cell in the garbage and made his way to his precious fridge; the one thing that never betrayed him. Clearly this was a case of the bad Mondays. Or was it that movie starring Leonardo Dicaprio that was messing with his mind again? He hoped that this was no case of Inception.
Meanwhile, In A Certain High School, a viral video that had been posted late last night was the latest buzz, with Aogami Pierce showing it to everyone. He said he was researching the cross-dressing fetish when he stumbled on this. When he saw Kamijou and Tsuchimikado with long faces, he rushed over to their side.
"Hey guys! Have you se-"
Touma internally was trembling. He had at one time imagined Accelerator was a girl, and mentally dressed him up as one before burying that thought deep inside his psyche. Now that it turned to be reality, he had only one thing to say.
On the other hand, Tsuchimikado Motoharu sulked, if only a little bit less that Kamijou. It was funny yet shameful to him as he was the leader of GROUP, an underground organisation that Accelerator was part of.
Speaking of GROUP, Musujime Awaki had to be resuscitated by Unabara Mitsuki because of how hard she had laughed. Oh boy would she have a field day with this.
In a undisclosed café, the members of ITEM and their informant (read: slave) Hamazura Shiage, were having breakfast.
"Wow that's super cool!" Kinuhata Saiai watched the screen of her cellphone with a glitter in her eyes.
Soon all members of ITEM were texted the infamous link.
"No bunny girls though, so don't go thinking super perverted things Hamazura!"
Even the mere mention of a bunny girl put him in a blushing trance.
"It's ok, I'll support you Hamazura. It's not a big deal."
"Idiot, stop bleeding like that…"
"So unrefined Hamazura!"
The video was so popular that it reached Aleister Crowley's ears, the General Superintendent of Academy City. As he watched, that emotionless expression on his features, he said one thing.
"Kihara Amata was definitely right. Such trauma must have caused the vector controlling device to be the power that he is today."
Slowly, Accelerator's eyes opened slightly. Pain. His head ached. His mouth was dry.
It felt as bad as the time Amai Ao shot him in the head. What was that weight on his body? He took a glance, and he screeched.
"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WHY ARE YOU TWO SHIRTLESS AND WHY IS THERE WHIP CREAM EVERYWHERE?"
He didn't get an answer from the two knocked-out women. Instead, Last Order looked down upon him, tears in her eyes as she spoke.
"'How dare you..' Misaka Misaka weeps as she looks over the implications of such a situation… 'How dare you abuse of women as such!' Misaka Misaka's sadness turns to vengefulness as she cuts her former guardian's link to the Misaka network!"
"Ulf ngh$agt POW%TAK-ANOT!"
Clearly this was a case of the bad Mondays.
I dare you to create something as majestically cracked up as this. I DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER JUST DO IT.
I credit Chaos2Frozen for being an adorable kitty, and the fact that I got the idea while reading his Valentine story.
Also, Accelerator and Yomikawa were indeed singing See VisionS, IndexII OP2.