Twitter War

Author's Note:

I love the scenes of Sam and Andy in the car. So I decided to write a little fic where they bicker over twitter and going to lunch at gourmet food trucks. I don't know if the food truck thing has become a trend in Toronto, but it's huge in the LA area and in NYC. Many of them tweet their locations each day. Ben's real life resistance to twitter gave me the idea for a little battle between the two characters over lunch breaks.

I gave it a M rating only for one relatively mild bit of sexual innuendo. I'm probably being overly cautious, but I'm not sure it's right for young teens.

I have no rights to Rookie Blue or any of the fantastic characters the real talent created.

Chapter 1: 'Sushi'

"McNally, are you really going to keep that up all day?" Sam asked impatiently.

"What?" Andy looked up from her brand new iPhone in surprise. "I haven't been playing with it that much. You should be happy. You're the one always complaining that I talk too much," she pointed out.

"Your chatter may have started to grow on me a little," Sam admitted grudgingly. "Besides, it's even worse to spend a slow morning listening to you giggle and mutter under your breath about something when I'm out of the loop. How can you be so hooked on texting like some middle schooler anyway?" he complained.

"Not texting. Tweeting," she corrected.

"What the hell's the difference?" Sam asked baffled.

"It's kind of hard to explain to someone as tech-challenged as you," she teased. "But twitter is very addictive. If you weren't so scared to try it, I bet even you would get hooked before you knew it." Andy predicted.

Sam made a scoffing sound, "Not likely, McNally. I like to actually look someone in the eye or at least hear a voice when I'm communicating."

"Hah! You don't like communicating at all very much," she shot back.

"Just because I'm not as much of a Chatty Kathy as you doesn't mean I don't like to communicate. You're the one who's an outlier. And didn't I just say it bugged me to have your head buried in your phone gossip when I'm driving with you?" he shot back.

"What makes you think I've been gossiping?" she asked. "For your information, you can use twitter for lots of useful things other than gossip."

"Name one," Sam challenged.

"Well, hmm… OK. I know. I can use it to figure out where that Asian fusion food truck I've been asking you to try is today. You still haven't made good on your promise to eat there with me for lunch after I got my tie cut. Now that I have my new phone, I can check the truck's twitter feed. Hah! It's only a few blocks away for the next few hours." she said with a triumphant grin. "Are you finally going to follow through?"

Sam groaned, "You would define useful as using that thing to back me in a corner. Are you really going to make me eat at a mobile germ factory?" he wrinkled his nose.

Andy just laughed, "Don't be such a fogey. Food trucks have gone upscale these days. They're as clean as any restaurant. Probably a lot cleaner than some of the old diners that are your favorite hangouts. How many times have I tried to tell you this? Trust me, if you would get with the times and try something new for once, you'd see what you've been missing."

"So I'm an old fogey now just because I don't want to do the twitter or eat nouveau food that probably comes in portions that would only satisfy someone your size, while having to stand or search around for a park bench for the so-called pleasure of eating it?" replied an offended Sam.

"You don't 'do the twitter' you tweet. And you're the one who said old, not me. Don't be so sensitive. If you would break out of your comfort zone, you might find out none of that is true. Besides, we've had so few calls, I'm tired of sitting. Plus, it's nice out, and eating outside will let us keep an eye on the street while we eat." she wheedled.

"OK, OK. I give in. You're relentless," Sam caved. "It's lunch time now. We might as well get it over with. Where is it parked?"

"West Adams," she said.

Sam pulled the car over. "So show me what this twitter thing looks like."

Andy leaned over showed him the basics. "Here's the timeline I was checking. It shows tweets from the tweeps you follow," she started.

"Tweets from tweeps? What's with the goofy lingo? You're not exactly making a great case for this," Sam mocked.

Andy laughed, "Sorry. Tweeps are people, or 'peeps,' on twitter. Twitter peeps. Tweeps," she explained patiently. "But never mind that. If you want to send a message, you type anything up to 140 characters in this little box. Just like a short text or email."

"Here, since you're being a good sport, you can try it. Send a message using my account," she said, handing him her iPhone.

"OK. I'll send a pre-emptive SOS in case this food kills me," he said before giving it a try. Sam struggled with the touch screen, and had Andy doubled over with giggles at his curses over the autocorrect function.

"Your laughing at me is not helping me enjoy this more, you know. This thing can't be designed for a guy's fingers," he muttered.

"I'm sorry. But I don't think that's it. Dov never seems to have a problem. Maybe the Casanova hand thing makes you clumsier?" she theorized.

"What the hell are you talking about, McNally?" Sam asked, totally confused.

"Here, give me your hand, and I'll show you," she said. When Sam complied, she continued. "You have a really pronounced case of it. See how much longer your ring finger is than your index finger?"

"Huh, I never noticed that. Isn't everyone's that way?" he asked.

"No. See, look at my hands. Mine are the reverse, with the index finger longer than the ring finger. It's that way for most women. Your pattern is caused by testosterone. It's called the 'Casanova pattern.' I'm surprised none of your girlfriends explained it." she said, looking up with a smile.

Their eyes met, and for a minute one of those elusive flare-ups of attraction took hold.

Andy dropped his hand and tried to break the tension, "Then again, it's also common with gay men, so maybe that's why none of them ever mentioned it," she teased awkwardly.

That snapped Sam out of it. "Well, I'll take Casanova over gay, that's for sure. And I'll show you clumsy. Let me just make a couple changes to this message, err tweet."

He determinedly finished in silence. "There!" he said with satisfaction, "Take a look," he turned the screen to face her with a wicked grin.

McNally: I finally got Sam to do lunch my way. He admits he loves my sushi…

Andy's jaw dropped. "You sent that? Without context, that tweet will seem like…"

"Exactly!" Sam grinned broadly.

"I can't believe you tweeted something so filthy! Give it back so I can delete it," Andy demanded, horrified.

"Nothing doing." Sam refused, yanking it out of her reach. "I'm holding on to this thing until I'm sure you're not killing me with this food choice of yours. Serves you right anyway. Gay, my ass," he laughed.

"Sam, half the Division is on twitter. By the time we're done eating, who knows how many will have read it!" She objected.

"Tough. You're the one who talked me into trying twitter. The only thing that really seems fun about it is making you squirm for a while," grinning even more broadly at how well his revenge was turning out. "Who knows, McNally, you might have cured my tech-phobia after all," he added before getting out of the squad car.

"Oh God, I've created a monster," Andy groaned rolling her eyes, resigned to letting him have his payback. "But you're going to feel bad once you have to admit this food is awesome and my forcing you to try it is a huge favor not a chore," she predicted, trying to recover her cockiness. "Plus, I can always create a fake twitter account for you and take my revenge," she threatened.

"You wouldn't! McNally…." Sam looked panicked for a minute, before recovering. "No one would ever believe I'm on twitter anyway. Right?" he added uncertainly.

He still looked so uncomfortable, And laughed and let him off the hook, "Relax. I actually want you to try it some day. I'll just have to think of some other way to get you back…"


Note: Ben Bass really does have the Casanova pattern to his fingers. It showed up very clearly in one of the photos from the set that Matty posted to twitter. So I had to work that into the story too.