It was a beautiful – wait, scratch that, it was a horrible day, for it was the day that Queen NekoChan decided that she was bored.


Edward Elric, The FullMetal Alchemist, broke down a door that horrible morning. Why, I'm not quite sure; he just liked to break down random doors. It makes no sense, however, since that door did nothing to him at all. Wait, it did do something to him. But I don't feel like naming that something, so you'll have to stay in the dark for a few-

"Colonel Bastard!" yelled Pitt. Yes, Pitt. I see no reason why Edward Elric, The FullMetal Alchemist, would yell something so mean. Maybe I should explain who Pitt is. But maybe I shouldn't. Maybe you know who Pitt is, since he is definitely not an OC I made up. Seriously, he really isn't.

"…Who the hell are you? "asked Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist. You see, Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist, does not know who Pitt is.

"Edward Elric, The FullMetal Alchemist, told me that your door – yes, yes, the one he just broke – kicked him in the shin! Now I feel the need to throw exploding herbs at you for having your door kick my best friend!" Pitt did so. Sadly, the herbs he got were not exploding, but in fact deploding. I don't know what "deploding" is, and it doesn't seem to be a word in the first place. But let's pretend that it is the exact opposite of exploding. So, Pitt threw herbs, some of which started to imitate black holes the moment they left his hand. The others deploded in Roy Mustang's, The Flame Alchemist's, face. They did no harm, however, since Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist, snapped his fingers. I do not know the significance of snapping fingers though, so I'll just say that the herbs were magically – ow! – I mean, alchemically, turned into clowns. The clowns started to juggle balls – no, not those kind of balls – that magi – I mean, alchemically appeared out of nowhere. Unicycles appeared in the same fashion, and the clowns rode off into the sunset. That makes no sense, actually, if you think about it, because just a second ago it was morning.

"Curse you, Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist!" yelled Pitt, who was still there for some odd reason.

"Seriously, who are you? And that call to the heavens didn't sound dramatic at all. Also, now that I think about it, where the hell is everybody? They're usually hanging around in my office talking about their poor romantic-less lives. Minus Hawkeye. She would be imitating that Terminator guy."

"You're right… let me try again: Curse you, Roy Mustang! There, how did that sound?"

"Much better. Now back to the original question: Who the hell are you?"

"Oh, yeah, nobody knows of the only person in Resembol whose temper can match Edward Elric's, The FullMetal Alchemist's."

"…That description seemed a little too long…"

"Well, that's how I'm described in the – oh wait, I'm not supposed to tell where I come from. But that's how I was described in the… whatever… I'm also said to be Edward Elric's, The FullMetal Alchemist's, best friend." Queen NekoChan decided to tape Pitt's mouth with duct tape after that little outburst, because he almost revealed where he's from.

"Yeah, all the weirdoes decided to come hang out in my office. And what kind of a name is Queen NekoChan? It doesn't make any sense to those who don't know Japanese."

Queen NekoChan, after throwing the evidence out the window (don't ask what evidence), turned around to glare at Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist. Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist, glared at the peanut butter jar on the desk, because instead of appearing there alchemically, it decided to appear on said desk magically.

"Don't call Pitt a weirdo Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist! He's just acting a bit OOC, that's all! I mean, he would never say those kinds of things! He would say things much ruder!"

"Being shorter than FullMetal and throwing herbs isn't OOC?"

Queen NekoChan blinked in confusion, "No, why do you ask?" At that moment, Hawkeye, Breda, Fuery, Falman, Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, and Havoc walked into the office. Normally only 10 people could fit into Mustang's (I'm tired of writing full names and titles) tiny office, but thanks to my magical – ow! Can you please stop doing that! – I mean, my alchemical powers, the room became much bigger, and could currently hold about 12 people. Pitt, however, disappeared into thin air, so now there were only 11 people in the tiny-office-turned-big.

Mustang was curious about the whereabouts of his subordinates, "I am curious about the whereabouts of my subordinates and I order you to tell me." … Guess I didn't need to say that.

"Roy! OMG, I, like, missed you so much! We were, like, taken to some creepy place with a bunch of idiots who said that they wanted to see what happens if we were acting OOC! Then this weird laser thing hit us, but I don't know what they wanted to do with it, maybe it was, like, broken or something, because it didn't do anything to us! Don't you think that's weird?" Bet you can't guess who this is.

"… Why are you hugging me?"

"Teehee! Because I love you, silly head!"

"Since when did you have a crush on me, Breda?" Didn't expect that, did'jya?

"Since, like, 5 minutes ago, silly!"

"Stop calling me anything with the word "silly" in it. Though I wouldn't mind if you were Hawkeye…"

Hawkeye, meanwhile, was trying to get a boyfriend. One that happened to have an interesting talent…


"Wanna go out for dinner tonight?" Hawkeye giggled. You might be wondering why Hawkeye would be giggling, because Hawkeye never giggles. That's exactly why I'm having her giggle. Giggle is a fun word to pronounce.

"Sure, why not!" answered Falman, whose interesting talent was being a walking encyclopedia.

They both walked hand in hand and attempted to get out of the now big office, but Queen NekoChan blocked their path.


Ed decided to pipe in, "Isn't dat becawse u arnt a chawacter in FullMetal Alchymist?" For some strange reason, Ed was in chibi form and talking in baby talk.

Queen NekoChan was stunned by this realization. So was everybody else. After all, how can you be in a FullMetal Alchemist FanFiction if you aren't a character in FullMetal Alchemist?

But the one who was truly stunned was Envy – wait, how the hell did he get there?


"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A SLUT PALM TREE?" Winry somehow made a magi – wait, alchemical appearance in the big office. Which is really bad, because now there are 13 people in the room, which doesn't make any sense to begin with, considering only 12 people can – oh yeah! I forgot! Ed isn't as big as the regular person to begin with, even more so with him currently being a cute little chibi. That makes a lot more sense now…

Envy (still wondering how he got here) decided to start a fight against Winry, for when I was solving the riddle of 13 people in a 12 people room, they were still yelling at each other. "I DECIDED TO START A FIGHT AGANST YOU, YOU WRENCH THROWING SLUT! WINNER GETS CHIBI – CHAN!" Dang… guess I didn't have to say that.

"OH YEAH? BRING IT, PUSSY!" Winry charged at Envy, wrench in hand, while Envy charged at Winry, palm tree skills activating.

And that's when the horror truly began.