Chapter 5

"You're such a douche," Kurt texted with a slight smile.

"Why?" his boyfriend texted back, smirking at Kurt from two tables down in the lunch room.

"You laughed when Azimio took my hat!" Kurt complained, ignoring Mercedes' tap on his arm.

"So? Got it back for ya, didn't I?"

Kurt nodded and replied, "I almost outed you in revenge."

"I almost outed myself because of that adorable look you gave me. Damn, I wanted to kiss you."

"Next time, I dare you to do it," Kurt replied with a laugh, dodging Mercedes when she tried to take his phone and figure out who he was texting. This thing he had with Puck had been getting serious for awhile now, especially since he was the secret reason Kurt had been able to return to McKinley, and more and more Kurt hated having to hide it. Hell, if Karofsky knew about the two of them (as he had since Puck had a 'chat' with him and got the linebacker to apologize to Kurt) who else was left to make problems? Azimio? The hockey guys? They could handle it, if Puck would ever get over himself and actually do it.


"Come on back to my room, Puck," Kurt said, his heart beating in overtime and his arms tight around their animatronic daughter. "Unless you want a snack or something? A drink. I could-"

Looking over his shoulder to see Finn there, Puck replied, "Nah, man. Let's just get this over with."

"Okay," Kurt agreed, leading the way to his room and carefully setting the doll down on his desk while Puck closed the door behind them. Before Kurt could even turn around, the other boy's searing warm body was pressed against his back and insistent lips nibbled at one earlobe. "Geez, baby," Kurt gasped, bracing himself with both hands on the edge of the desk. "Not so fast!"

"But," Puck whined one arm across Kurt's chest, holding him tight, and the other running up and down Kurt's side in a way that was certainly meant to be convincing, "we haven't even made out in two days. What the crap? I'm dying here."

"You're not dying," Kurt gasped, turning around in Puck's arms and pulling his boyfriend in for a kiss, seeing stars as the familiar taste of Puck's tongue rocked through his body. "Though, I have to admit, it's been a little too long."

"Then why are you blocking me?" Puck asked, kissing Kurt again. "Wasn't the whole point of this to get us in the same room for more than five minutes?"

"The point of this," Kurt replied, pressing his lips to Puck's once more before pushing him away, "was to figure out our project."

"Seriously?" he cried, making a disappointed noise and collapsing down onto Kurt's bed. "Lame!"

Kurt smiled and joined his boyfriend on the bed, straddling Puck as he said, "Or …"

"Yeah, baby!"

"I've been working on an idea…" Kurt teased, pressing Puck's shoulders back to the bed and breathing him in. He could never get enough of Puck's scent, even though he never wore cologne and barely even knew what deodorant was.

"Does this idea involve you in skimpy underwear?" Puck asked with a grin – that stupid grin that Kurt could almost never resist.

"Mmm," Kurt hummed, pressing a soft kiss to Puck's neck. "If you go along with my idea, I might be able to make that happen."

Puck groaned a little and murmured, "So what's this big idea, gorgeous?"

"We take this project seriously. Very, very seriously," Kurt replied, placing another kiss on the other side of Puck's neck. "So seriously that people will think we've gone insane."

"What?" Puck asked, but he was grinding up against Kurt, so there was no way he was paying attention.

Stepping up and away, despite Puck's protests and his grasping arms, Kurt explained, "We become a couple overnight, in front of everyone, because of the 'baby'."

"Huh?"

Poor boy. There must not have been much blood left in his brain, so Kurt said this next part simply. "Each robot-baby has two parents. What if we decide our baby would be better off if its parents were attached at the hip?"

"I'd rather be attached at the groin," Puck muttered, propping himself up on his elbows and looking absolutely delicious as he watched Kurt pace a little.

"Noah, you've been dancing around the issue of coming out for months now. This would be a really fun way of doing it," Kurt argued. "Think about it, the baby gives us an excuse to be around each other at school if we start acting all lovey-dovey and practically married-"

"No one's going to know what the hell is going on!" Puck finished, his grin widening. "We can play it off like, why aren't you guys with the program and acting this way, too? It'll be chaos up in that place!"

"Oh," Kurt added, excited his boyfriend was warming up to the idea, "we can take this so extreme, like pretend we actually got married and everything, just for the sake of a plastic doll!"

"Kurt," Puck said, sitting up and taking both of Kurt's hands, eyes wide and almost sincere-looking, "will you fake marry me?"

"Hell yes, I will," Kurt grinned, leaning in for a kiss and shrieking when Puck pulled him off balance. "We can get cheap rings and everything!"

"We should go shopping tonight," Puck whispered in Kurt's ear, "right after sex, and then dinner."

"Oh, baby," Kurt replied, shivering when Puck's hands found their way up his shirt, "you know just what to say."

Just as clothes were about to start coming off and Kurt wondered whether or not Puck locked the door, their baby started crying.

"Damn it, kid," Puck cried. "I'm tryin' to get laid here."

With a sigh, Kurt righted himself and picked up the doll, rocking it back and forth like Miss Holiday had shown them. "We should name her."

"I say we call her Jenna," Puck suggested, standing and digging through his backpack until he came back and handed Kurt the bottle that went with the doll.

"We're not naming our fake child after your favorite porn star," Kurt insisted, rolling his eyes. "What about ... Katie?"

"Veto," Puck groaned, giving Kurt a thumbs down. "Lily?"

"Samantha?" Kurt countered.

"Shakira," Puck suggested with a dirty tone in his voice and a smirk.

Kurt rolled his eyes and said, "Molly."

"Yeah, alright," Puck replied, watching Kurt feed the doll its imaginary formula. "You ever want kids?"

Kurt furrowed his brow at the question, but he knew Puck was big on family, so he shouldn't have been all that surprised. "I don't know," Kurt replied honestly. "I would be really good at taking care of a baby, I think, but I don't know if that's a good reason to adopt a person."

"Yeah," Puck agreed, slipping around behind Kurt and resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "I think you'd make an awesome mom."

Kurt wanted to elbow his boyfriend for that remark, but couldn't figure out how to do it while he was feeding the doll. "Screw you, Puck. How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me a girl?"

"Sorry, man," Puck sighed in Kurt's ear, squeezing him around the middle. "That's not what I meant."

"I know," Kurt replied with a sigh, leaning back against his boyfriend.

"So, the kid's name is Molly Puckerman-Hummel, huh?"

"Why not Hummel-Puckerman?" Kurt asked. "It has a better rhythm."

"I'm gonna start signing all my school papers Noah Hummel-Puckerman," the boy laughed, "just to see what the teachers do."

"I guess that makes me Kurt Hummel-Puckerman," Kurt giggled, "but only after you put a ring on it, mister."


Puck didn't know why it was his job to haul the stupid baby carrier around the mall with them, but he was feeling pretty agreeable after getting his freak on with his boyfriend and just couldn't say no. He even let Kurt drag him into one of those girly earring and headband stores.

"Try this one on," Kurt insisted, pushing a plain silver ring with a price-tag still attached into Puck's chest.

Shrugging, Puck put down the doll and pushed the ring onto his left-hand ring finger. "It's alright," Puck told Kurt. "A little tight, but workable. How much is it?"

"Eight dollars," Kurt replied, trying on an identical ring. "It's just right on me. Let's go with these."

"You don't want something ... fancy?" Puck asked, wincing as he pulled the ring back off and it caught on his knuckle.

"Simple and classic goes with everything," Kurt explained, "or have I taught you nothing about fashion in the past five months?"

"Yeah, about that," Puck smirked as they headed for the register, "my mind just kinda goes off somewhere when you start talking fashion, babe. Sorry."

"That's alright," Kurt replied, setting both rings on the checkout counter and smiling at the shop girl. "I never listen when you start talking sports."

"If you knew the rules, watching the games would be more exciting," Puck insisted.

Kurt just shrugged and held out his hand for Puck's money. Ever since they'd gotten together at sectionals, they'd been going Dutch on everything, so Puck handed over a ten, which Kurt just nodded at in approval.

When they left the store, Kurt said, "I want to get fake married in the mall, Noah."

"Seriously?" Puck asked, hefting the baby carrier into his other hand. "Like between the Cinnabun and the Taco Bell?"

"No," Kurt scoffed, grabbing Puck's free hand, which made him want to scope around for anyone they knew. "Next to the fountain."

"Whatever," Puck agreed, smiling at the adorable little grin on Kurt's face. Puck was pretty sure he was whipped beyond all recognition at this point, since he couldn't seem to help himself from doing stupid things that made Kurt happy.

They walked through the mall hand-in-hand, which got a few looks, but Puck was pretty sure it was the baby carrier that was earning them the most open-mouthed stares. "What do you think, babe?" Puck asked when just after Kurt tore his gaze away from the Barney's display window. "Is Molly the kind of girl who loves this attention?"

After thinking for a moment, Kurt told him, "I don't know, yet. In any case, we're here."

They were indeed standing next to the fountain, where Kurt opened the tiny plastic bag with the rings they'd bought and fished both out. "Here," he said to Puck, thrusting one of the rings at him. "Get the price tag off and then you can give me that one and I'll give you this one."

This was starting to get a little too real in Puck's opinion, but he kept his mouth shut. He'd been getting a lot better at that lately. When Kurt looked ready, Puck grabbed the boy's hand and said, "I promise to be your fake husband, Kurt, and do couple-y things with you, and sex you up real good until the end of this stupid project. Oh, and I love you." Puck smirked and pushed the ring onto Kurt's finger with a slight sense of dread.

Kurt gave him one of those watery smiles that Puck didn't think he deserved (they were in a freaking mall!) and then said, "Noah, I promise to be your fake husband to the best of my ability and to love you and never to obey you or anything like that, until the end of this project. I mean, I'll still love you, but … yeah." When Kurt tried to put Puck's ring on his finger, it didn't really go until Puck took his hand back and wiggled the ring around until it was seated firmly. It felt weird, but not nearly as constricting as Puck feared it might.

"Wanna share a cupcake from that bakery across the parking lot?" Puck asked, figuring cupcakes were the perfect dessert to celebrate their not-a-marriage and that there was no way Kurt would eat a whole one.

"Yeah," Kurt replied with a wide grin, fingering his ring like he really loved the way it looked there. "Yeah, I would."


"Cream puff?" Kurt asked his 'husband' as they walked to class. "Really?"

"Jujube?" Puck countered, one eyebrow raised in Kurt's direction briefly as they walked down the hallway hand-in-hand. Everyone was staring, and Kurt could tell by his frown that Puck was really starting to get sick of the attention.

"How long do you think before we get called into Figgins' office?" Kurt wondered aloud, steering them to the far side of the hallway from a clump of hockey numbskulls.

"For what?"

Kurt rolled his eyes at Puck's lack of foresight and said, "For 'disrupting the learning environment' with our gayness."

"Our awesomeness, you mean," Puck grinned, coming to a stop at Kurt's first classroom. They only had one class, glee, and lunch together, which didn't give them all that many opportunities to show off, but maybe that was for the best. Sharing a kiss with his boyfriend, Kurt sighed and the watched as Noah prowled away.


"They're so confused!" Kurt chuckled as Puck led him into the choir room for the rest of the lunch hour. "Today has been so much fun, Noah. Thank you for doing this."

"You," Puck replied, turning to face his boyfriend and because he just couldn't stop himself, brush the pad of one thumb along Kurt's cheek and kissing his neck, the way he knew the boy liked, "deserve to have a little fun after what we made you put up with, Kurt. At least it's not as traumatizing as I was expecting."

"For you, maybe," Kurt laughed, taking Puck's hand like always. "I'm pretty sure Lauren Zizes had a coronary when she saw us kissing in the hallway earlier."

"I don't think she's traumatized," Puck snorted, kissing the back of Kurt's hand before wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, making Kurt giggle again. Puck wondered if the choir room was private enough for his boyfriend to agree to making out here. When Kurt reached over and pressed his lips to Puck's, he knew he was golden so he pulled Kurt closer and kissed him deeply, with tongue and everything. Damn. Kurt always tasted like Puck had been thirsty and hadn't even known it until that thirst was quenched by Kurt's tongue against his. Best making out ever.


Satisfied for now after making out with his boyfriend for the rest of lunch (until their doll started crying for attention and Puck started murmuring about blue balls and decapitating the damn thing), Kurt pulled Puck to Sex Ed class a few minutes early, smiling when he saw Ms. Holliday was already there.

"Why hello, boys," she smiled when she saw them come in, clicking her computer a few times before closing it. "What can I do you for?"

"For you, eighty-seven fifty," Puck said in that smartass tone that made Kurt want to smack him upside the head. "Oh wait, sorry Miss Holliday. I'm retired from cleaning pools."

Though she smiled at Puck, it was open-mouthed and a little confused. And yet understanding at the same time. The sheer volume of expressions Ms. Holliday was capable of made Kurt decide that he did have a tiny, never-ever would it be fulfilled because ew, crush on the woman. So, he explained, "Puck and I just wanted you to know that we're pranking the school and we'd welcome either your help or your discretion."

"I heard something was up with you two," the teacher grinned. "So, it's an act, then?"

"More of an embellishment, really," Kurt insisted, reaching for and taking his boyfriend's hand. "Noah and I have been dating for awhile now and-"

"I know," Miss Holliday assured them, much to Kurt's surprise. "I've known for a while, boys."

"You know?"

Noah spoke up, "You're bluffing, Miss H."

Ms. Holliday smirked and raised both eyebrows before turning to a stack of booklets. "Would you two be so kind as to pass these out, one to a seat, please?"

"About helping, though…?" Kurt broached carefully as he took the stack from Ms. Holliday. "We used your project as a jumping off point for this little production and …"

"I get it," Ms. Holliday nodded with a bright smile. "Don't you worry, Kurt. I thought you'd never ask."


Puck shifted the baby from one hand to the other so he could knock on the Hummels' front door. He'd been here a bunch of times before, sometimes to see Finn, but mostly to see Kurt when no one else really knew that he was there. Ever since the family moved into their new house, Puck had been working on perfecting his climb up to Kurt's window, and pulling it off stealthily, like a ninja.

If everything went according to plan, Puck wouldn't ever have to climb up to that window again. Even though he'd packed his bag and left his mom a message for where he'd be, Puck didn't have high hopes for this working out. For one thing, Burt freaked out over the littlest things, like Blaine crashing over that one time, even though Puck had been there until six in the morning, trying to sleep it off in between two gay dudes. And for another thing, Puck had never really stayed more than a night or two away from his mother's house - except for things like football camp or that legendary halo tournament at Artie's house. Most times if he was staying over with someone, he ended up going home before dawn and getting at least a few hours in his own bed, so his mom would see him there safe and sound and not freak out on him.

When Kurt opened the door he said, "I don't know about this, Noah."

"What?" Puck replied, all but dropping the baby carrier in his hand. "Dude, this was your idea!" He knew Kurt would get sick of him – everyone did eventually – but Puck figured that point was a year off at least.

Pursing his lips, Kurt grabbed Puck by the arm and pulled him into the house, bathing Puck in that familiar scent of fabric softener and baked goods that reminded him exclusively of the Hummel-Hudson house. He actually wouldn't mind getting to spend a lot more time here. He loved his family, but more often than not his house was empty, with his mom at one of her two jobs and his sister either with her babysitter or their Nana.

Once Kurt had blackmailed Finn into watching their kid (what was in that browser history that Kurt kept getting to hold it over Finn's head?) Puck followed his boyfriend into the kitchen to help him make dinner.

Not for the first time, Puck wondered what it would have been like if Quinn would have stayed and they would have kept Beth. His house might feel this awesomely lived-in, but he wouldn't have got with Kurt, a possibility that scared Puck more than he would ever admit.

"It's just," Kurt explained, holding Puck close when they ran into each other near the refrigerator, which was a good sign. "I guess I didn't realize how upset people would get. Blaine looked so hurt-"

"Fuck Blaine," Puck scoffed, wincing when Kurt hit him on the shoulder. Yeah, okay. That was a dumb thing to say. Kurt had made it very clear when they started seeing each other that making fun of each other's friends was off limits.

"Rachel looked hurt, too," Kurt insisted, jumping up to sit on the counter, "underneath the hilarious frustration. And I think Finn's about this close to having us both committed."

When Kurt finished, Puck noticed that the guy had said absolutely nothing about getting sick of him or not wanting him to move in. Score. "We'll tell them what's up," Puck assured his boyfriend, stepping up between Kurt's legs and kissing him on the nose, "but not until after this project is over. By then they'll totally see that we're the real deal and everyone will laugh. You'll see baby. It's gonna be awesome."

When Kurt gave him a disbelieving look, but didn't say anything, Puck smirked and went in for one of his patented toe-curling kisses.


"I can't believe he just agreed like that," Kurt cried, turning around to face Puck with the cutest confused expression on his face. "I guess you're moving in with me."

"Yeah, my mom won't care," Puck replied, loving the way Kurt wrapped both arms around his middle and squeezed comfortingly. "I'll tell her I'm staying at Finn's, which I suppose is the truth, and she'll be glad to be rid of me."

"That's not true," Kurt argued, petting Puck's hair in that way he really loved, even if it was difficult to admit. "Your mother loves you, sweetpea."

"Sweatpea?" Puck laughed, nuzzling the side of Kurt's head. "I thought those were just for show, smoochy-kins."

Kurt blushed and shrugged. "Sorry. It just sort of slipped out there."

"That's what he said," Puck replied with a straight face, letting himself chuckle when Kurt broke into laughter and then pushed him toward the kitchen door.

"I've got to finish cooking, Noah. Go make sure Finn hasn't killed our 'daughter' yet."

"Alright, bossy-boots," Puck grinned. "I'm on it!"


"This sucks," Kurt sighed, looking over at Noah with a little smile. "Thirty minutes to go and I doubt Ms. Sylvester will even show up to mark off that we did our detention."

"So let's ditch," Noah replied, moving his chair closer to Kurt's and leaning in to kiss his neck, which made Kurt shiver in sharp pleasure. "Since Mercedes is watching the kid, we could go get a little somethin'-somethin'."

"And get even more detention?" he protested, pushing Noah away, even though he really didn't want to. "I don't think so. There's always tonight after everyone else goes to sleep."

"Yeah?" Noah scoffed. "Not with your dad coming in to 'check on us' every few hours. I swear that man didn't sleep at all last night."

Kurt could feel himself go pale as he asked, "Seriously? How did I not know this?"

Puck shrugged. "You sleep like the dead, babe. I've known this since the first time I snuck into your room and tripped over that comforter-thing-"

"Duvet," Kurt supplied, knowing exactly what Puck was talking about. Most nights Carole kept the house warm enough that Kurt didn't need all the beddings he'd used in his old basement room, so his beloved duvet made its nighttime home on the hope chest under his window.

"Yeah," Noah agreed, scooting a little closer with a smirk and Kurt imagined he was thinking he could get his way just by looking cute enough. It was not working. "I got all tangled up and fell right on you. You didn't even stop snoring."

Gasping, Kurt demanded, "Take that back! I do not snore!"

"Yeah, ya do," his boyfriend laughed, giving Kurt a sort of half-hug that felt more like a playful headlock deferred into something more loving. "It's cool. It's actually quieter than most nights at my house, since I live so close to the Lima Mile motocross track. I'm used to it."

"God," Kurt laughed, rubbing a hand up and down Noah's back and just soaking in his warmth for a little while. "Wait. How many times have you come over and not woke me up?"

Kurt watched as Noah shrugged, going back to his homework for a moment when before he said quietly, "Maybe half the times I've snuck in."

Giving his boyfriend a suspicious look, Kurt asked, "Have we ever had sex while I was unconscious?"

"Nah, babe," Noah laughed, leaning back over and pressing a kiss to Kurt's temple before growling in his ear. "Not even you could sleep through the Noah Puckerman Experience."

Kurt stifled his loud bark of laughter with a hand over his mouth, trying not to blush at the mere mention of the "Noah Puckerman Experience." The Experience was Noah's penis, in case anyone was wondering.

"Wait," Kurt insisted. "If I sleep so soundly, how come I'm the one getting up when Molly cries during the night?"

"Because once I do fall asleep," Noah smiled, "I'm out. End of story. Just shake me when it's my turn, babe."

Kurt groaned in exasperation and failed to see how having to wake up his boyfriend would be any less disrupting than just taking care of it himself.


"Maybe," Kurt said while they were doing their homework one night, tapping his chin with the end of his pen, like Puck noticed he always did when he was thinking, "we could institute Date Night and pay someone to babysit. Keep the spark of our married life alive, as it were."

"Does Date Night include everything I think it does?" Puck asked, abandoning his math homework (because screw math) and grinning. "'Cause I thought this whole moving in together thing was going to improve the sex situation, not kill it completely."

"This is why we're waiting many, many years before we actually have kids," Kurt replied distractedly as he went back to his work.

Before even thinking about how awesome it was that Kurt figured they'd still be together in many, many years or thinking about how Kurt seemed to have changed his opinion about ever wanting kids in the first place, Puck blurted out, "Marry me?"

"Already did," Kurt replied without looking up, holding his left hand up so Puck could see the ring there - the cheapass ring that Puck would have to replace once he could afford it.

"Babe," Puck said softly, his heart pounding in his chest as he leaned over to tug on Kurt's chin so their eyes could meet. "I meant for real. Not in the mall this time."

Slowly, as if Puck's words were taking a moment to sink in, Kurt's jaw dropped. When he finally mustered up something to say, it was, "Are you sure it's not the blue balls talking?"

"It's not," he insisted, taking Kurt's hand and kissing him on the lips. Okay, maybe the blue balls were talking a little. Puck was having a really difficult time keeping his kiss PG-rated.

"Well," Kurt breathed, his eyebrows knotted up in confusion or worry once Puck pulled back, "can I think about it?"

Puck's heart fell. Kurt had to think about it? "Yeah, whatever. It was a stupid idea, anyway."

"We're only seventeen, Noah."

When the doll started crying, Puck sighed, "Yeah," and went to go take care of their project. Kurt probably thought he would get sick of Puck a few years down the road, and that's why he didn't want to make a commitment or whatever. Puck couldn't blame him. Even if Quinn had offered to marry him at the height of babygate, he doubted he would have agreed. Kurt, though. Kurt had a way of making Puck want to hold on forever.

When Molly quieted down after Puck went through the right steps, in order, and the room grew too heavy and too quiet, he said, "I could pay my sister to watch her on Saturday. She's not old enough to babysit for real, but she could handle this, no sweat."

"Trial run Saturday morning so I can go with you to meet Mike?" Kurt suggested.

"Why?" Puck asked. "We're just gonna play pick up and maybe rehearse a little."

Kurt looked up at Puck for a moment before shrugging and saying, "It's nice not having to hide from our friends anymore. And I kinda miss you when you're not around."

It wasn't an acceptance of his stupid marriage proposal, but the sentiment made Puck smile. Kurt did love him, which was something anyway. "Yeah, alright," Puck agreed. "Though prepare to get your ass kicked at basketball."

Kurt just rolled his eyes and laughed, going back to his homework as Puck finished feeding the doll and rocking it back to sleep.


Date Night consisted of sending Finn to Rachel's, buying tickets for Burt and Carole to see some show down in Dayton (Puck didn't exactly ask what), and dropping off the baby doll with Puck's mom and sister. When he got back to the house, Kurt had a candlelit dinner on the table and a grin on his face.

"Sweet," Puck nodded in approval at three of his five favorite foods on prominent display. "What's with the smile?

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" Puck asked, raising a questioning eyebrow as he walked toward Kurt.

"Yes, I'll marry you."

Puck laughed in surprise and when it looked like Kurt was serious, his heart thudded up in his throat and he surged forward to grab Kurt into the tightest hug possible.

"Can't … breathe…"

"Oh, sorry, baby," Puck laughed as he loosened his hold. Finally, finally someone had decided Puck was worth keeping around for the long haul. "This is awesome!"

"I do, however, have a few stipulations," Kurt mentioned, a tiny smirk in the corner of his mouth as he sat down at the table, pulling Puck into the chair beside him.

"Of course," Puck scoffed with an amused smile. It wasn't Kurt if there weren't extra rules to go along with anything.

"First, this marriage thing doesn't happen until we both graduate college."

"What?" Puck cried, suddenly feeling like he was being held hostage. "I agreed to go with you, dude, but how the hell am I supposed to graduate freaking college?"

"Noah," Kurt said in his 'calm' voice, which Puck always found a little patronizing or patentizing or whatever, "I know you can do it. I think you'd really love the music composition programs at some of the schools I've been looking at."

"But, what if I can't finish?" Puck asked. He knew he wasn't the brightest guy. Kurt was loads smarter than him for sure. "What if I flunk out? You seriously won't marry me?"

Puck's boyfriend gave him a coy sort of smile and said, "Well, I might be willing to negotiate, depending on your eventual career of choice."

Sighing in relief, Puck shook his head with a little laugh and chided, "Don't scare me like that, bug."

"You haven't heard my other stipulations," Kurt warned, and Puck felt his heart sink.

"I knew you didn't really want to marry me. What the hell, Kurt?"

Surprise flashing across his face, Kurt stepped forward and grabbed both sides of Noah's face so he would have to look in his boyfriend's deep blue eyes. "Baby, I was just going to say we have to get a chocolate fountain and release doves. That's it. I promise, I'm going to marry you when you ask me again in a few years. Okay?"

Puck nodded, "Okay," and kissed his almost-fiancée. Shit, this probably meant he would have to get Kurt one of those promise rings, didn't it? If he knew his boy (and he did) Kurt wouldn't wear that cheap piece of metal on his hand right now for much longer. And hey, if it marked Kurt as his, Noah was willing to spend a little cash.


"C'mon, Kurt," Puck complained, laying down on the bed beside Kurt and running his hands down the boy's side, kissing the crook of his neck. "We've been sleeping in the same bed for two weeks and have had sex once. Once! On date night! I needs me some lovin'."

"But, what if the doll starts crying? Someone's gonna come looking for us if we just let it go. We'll fail the assignment and we won't get into the same college and our whole lives will be ruined!" Puck's boyfriend replied, the intensity of his response making Puck laugh a little.

"Settle down, babe," Puck insisted, groping Kurt's butt with light squeezes. "I just did everything Miss Holliday told us to do. She'll be cool for another hour, at least."

"What if my dad comes up and finds my door locked. What if Finn gets home early?"

"We going back to fooling around in locker rooms and cars now?" Puck asked with a huff. "Not cool, cream puff."

"Ugh," Kurt stuck out his tongue. "Don't call me that. Snuggie."

Puck groaned, which got Kurt giggling and made Puck even more aware of what he couldn't have at the moment. If only they had a babysitter for a little while, they could go back to doing it in some of their other places, since apparently Kurt's room was off limits now that Burt knew he was there. Sarah was out, since she had extra tutoring in the mornings, so Puck called the only other person he could think of.

"Hey, Brittany," he said, giving Kurt an encouraging look. "Wanna make ten bucks tomorrow morning?"


"Okay," Kurt sighed, trying to rub the blush out of his cheeks and probably only making it worse. "That was the worst idea we've ever had."

Noah scoffed in agreement. "We gotta do something babe. I've got needs."

"And I don't?" Kurt sighed, taking Noah's hand and squeezing it comfortingly. "We'll figure out something. Just not at school." As he opened his locker and rummaged around in it, Kurt caught the sight of the ring on his finger, smiling at the thought of actually being married to Noah. Kids were so effing far off, though. He and Noah needed their alone time. When they were older and Puck started to get wrinkles, that's when they would adopt, because by then Kurt would have done everything on his life-dreams list and be making great money as a Broadway star.

Not for the first time, he wondered if he and Puck wouldn't just drift apart at some point, and prayed to the universe that it would never happen. Now that he had a boyfriend, Kurt was fairly certain he hated being without the dumb brute.


"I know how this is going to end," Kurt said when Puck came into the room after having showered, setting his colored pencil down on his sketchbook.

"What's going to end?" Puck asked, taking the towel from around his waist (just to torture Kurt, he was sure) and using it to dry his hair.

"Tomorrow's the day we give 'Molly' back," he said, wondering how much time they had now that Finn had left before anyone else got home. Probably less than twenty minutes. Screw it. He stood up and wrapped his arms around his very naked boyfriend. "Everyone's going to expect us to 'break up' or something."

"Think your dad's gonna make me go home?" Puck asked, dropping his towel on the floor and backing Kurt toward the bed.

Kurt shrugged (graciously ignoring the damp towel on his hardwood flooring, thank you very much) and went on with his plan, "I want to throw a pre-engagement party. We can tell everyone at once about our prank and celebrate the fact that you're stuck with me now, Pucky-bear."

Puck laughed and pushed Kurt back onto the bed. "If we do this, can we stop with the cutesy names? They kinda make me wanna puke, babe."

"Yeah," Kurt laughed, shivering when Puck attacked the buttons of his jeans. "But it's gonna take me a few days to plan the party, so maybe Saturday night?"

"Whatever you want, baby," Puck breathed, leaning in to kiss Kurt's neck in that way that might have played a big part in Kurt agreeing to marry the guy. Alright, along with a million other reasons, if he was honest.


Ah-ha! I actually managed to finish something! I would very much appreciate it if you told me what you thought!