Spotted Dick

Author: Queen Celestia

Note: This happened to be my RP sample, but I was thinking about it the other day and thought I would share it with the world.

He simply could not believe it. Were these idiots really in charge of the hospitals in his country? Did they not have bloody dying people to think about? Why were they wasting tax payers money, and time, with renaming this dish! It had been a perfectly fine name for centuries and now for it not to be - it was absolutely preposterous!

Angrily he glared at the newspaper, willing the words to change themselves, wriggle into a new configuration, one that did not piss him off as exponentially as this article did. Perhaps it was just a mistype? An All Fools Day joke? Despite it not being All Fools Day... Setting down the paper, he made a phone call, and having it confirmed orally seemed to make it even worse, and that much more real. Ridiculous! Bloody amazing these uppity folk believing that a name change would make anything different - it was still the same bloody pudding!

He ended up writing lyrics to a new loud punk song, and ended up performing at a gig that Friday with one of his favourite small time punk bands that always let him in when he wanted to get fully loaded and sing his heart out. [Well, sing was sort of in the ear of the hearer in this case. It was more like angrily scream his heart out.]

Actually, the song had been rather a hit, and after, when he was downing a pint at the bar, people kept buying him drinks, not that he minded. Getting totally buzzed out of his mind had been on the agenda after all. In fact, the next day, when he woke up in some random persons house who he realized happened to be the drummer of the band - and noticed the rest of the band passed out in various states of undress around him he realized that he probably had a bit too much of a good time.

When the rest of the band awoke, he was informed, much to his horror, that last nights gig had all been audio recorded and that his song was actually becoming quite a hit on the internet.

Face pale, heart thumping, he asked what they had put the song under - and he had been duly informed it was put under 'Cockbuzzers feat Artie K'. Well.. at least it wasn't his real name - not that he had ever actually informed them of it, and he when asked what the 'K' stood for, they simply had informed him it stood for 'Kool with a K'. He attempted not to faint at the thought of their atrocious spelling, and after a good strong cuppa, found it quite amusing that there was one of those audio clip things on the internet singing. What would the other nations think? Probably not much to be honest, and they would never suspect that he would ever have written such a song, or sang it in public.

And, when he listened to it, he found he didn't sound too bad, and ended up putting it to his Blackberry. [He was rather addicted to the device Matthew had given him, and when Alfred offered him an Iphone or an Ipod he had simply taken it out of politeness, and put it in the back of a drawer]

In fact, his song had reached some fame - when he was at one of those bloody awful meetings he had to go to, he was surprised during the break to hear one of the Higher Up types humming the song - and when he was coyly asked what tune he was humming, the man opened a rather friendly smile and replied 'It's this new underground punk song which I think is absolutely wizard! I agree with the lyrics totally... I have it on my phone - wanna listen?' and then, warming up to the man, Arthur took a listen, and felt sort of proud he had let it out and that others agreed with him.

The piece de resistance - as they might say in other countries was when the stupid decision was repealed and all was well with the world. His underground fame sort of petered out, although he knew that some people still liked the song and or downloaded it for their own amusement.

For who could resist downloading "I'll bloody well call it Spotted Dick because I want to!" ?