AN: Ok, so this came over me, tell me what you think.

This is going to be the first of a couple of chapters I think, they won't all be diary entry's it will be all different. The idea's a little weird, but just stick with it =)

It's set in the UK time line, basically any time after 'grilled cheezus'.

DISCLAMER: I don't own Glee and I never will. There for it is stupid for me to have to say that every chapter. I'm so glad you agree

Dear diary,

Things are hard, in life, every day. I get that it's not only me. But I need to be honest, it's pretty bad. I love Finn and I love my dads but all of its getting too much, you know what I mean.

I started you when I was 11; I was embarrassed all the time. I had no friends and after stating my period and only having dads I needed to talk to someone. Or something. My dads were really nice, really helpful to a certain existent but they couldn't really relate to what I was going through – for obvious reasons.

I thought that when I got to high school things would be better, easier. There would be a guidance councillor. But when I got to talking to Mrs. Pilsberry about my period she just started putting hand sanitizer on. Not the best thing ever.

Now I have Finn, he is an amazing guy; he talks to me about everything. He doesn't lie to me; he just talks to me all the time about all the good things that happen. He holds me in his arms. He will kiss me for hours and when he tries to get a bit further and I stop him he doesn't shout at all.

But I feel like a really bad person. I lied to him about something that people should not lie about. I slid into a conversation that I didn't want to have sex until I was 25. It's true, I don't but not because of my religion. I had so many lies ready for why and that seemed the most believable. I can't tell him the real one, it's just embarrassing.

I need to tell you diary, my only friend is Finn and he is the one I want to keep this from. The fear of people reading this is very high for me but I'm sure that all the people that I let into my bedroom respect me enough not to go through my personal belonging. Or is my assumption naive?

I have a fear of intimacy. Getting close to people in that way. It started when I was younger. I'm close to my dad and I love them very much but like before, my dads aren't the best people to talk to about those kinds of things. At the age of 11, I wanted to know what was going on with me so I went to the internet to see what I could fine on the subject. I got obsessed, they mentioned the word and I would such it – it hurt me, change the way I thought. I was scared. For most kids who do this start touching themselves, but that was below me. Of cores.

But what can I do?

I'm lost diary.

I need to go to bed now, sleep is very important for my voice as you very well should know.

Rachel B Berry.


Ok what do you think? It will go up to whatever rating you want it to be, I'll be honest – I do know what I want to happen but you can easily change my mind.

I will update after... 3 reviews minimum...