Vision's First Day
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Hasbro. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis.
"And this is the main living room in the mansion."
Simon Williams, the adult caretaker Wonder Man, was giving the Vision, the solar-powered android and former creation of Ultron, a tour of the West Coast Avengers mansion. Vision nodded,
"This is impressive, Wonder Man. But, I already have the schematics to the facility downloaded into my processors."
"Actually, there's another reason I brought you here."
A loud crash was suddenly heard and Carol Danvers, the blonde teen powerhouse Miss Marvel, cackled as she flew by,
"You know something, with that color scheme, you could be dating Mr. Williams' friend Beast!"
Farrah Willows, the white-haired cat-girl Persiana, roared,
"BARBIE, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'LL RIP YOUR EYES OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS!"
The normally white-furred girl was now dyed in blue. She was chasing after her arch-nemesis for the prank that was played on her.
As soon as the two left, Vision asked,
"Is that a normal occurrence at the mansion?"
"Unfortunately. It all stems back to when Farrah got changed by her mother into a were-cat and Leon is dating her. Carol thinks that Farrah's not good enough for Leon and is trying to win him over, but Leon makes it perfectly clear he is dating Farrah."
"I see. Persiana is using her territorial nature to establish she is the more dominant of the females in the feud. And Miss Marvel is proving to be increasingly hostile to that nature."
"I guess so."
"AAAHHH! HELP US!"
Clint Burton, the purple costumed teen Avenger Hawkeye, and Pietro Maximoff, the mutant speedster Quicksilver, were running by, being chased by Natasha Romanoff, the teen super spy Black Widow, and Crystal, the blonde Inhuman princess. Both were chasing after their respective boys they liked. Crystal shouted,
"Come back, Pietro! I love you!"
"Show me a good time, you sexy beast you!"
As the girls ran by, another voice shouted,
"WHO'S DRIPPING BLUE PAINT ALL OVER THE HOUSE?"
"That's Pulsar. She likes to have a clean house whenever possible, but there are times she loses her temper."
Vision seemed to understand.
Sam Wilson, the teen hero Falcon, came in with Redwng, his pet bird, perched on his shoulder. He glared at the synthoid,
"I got my eye on you; you I-Robot reject you! I'm not as dumb as everyone else and I'm gonna make sure you don't go T-1000 all over our asses! Mark my words!"
He stormed out of the room, plotting some scheme to kill Vision. Simon said sheepishly,
"He's still a little leary of you."
"It is understandable."
Hercules the teen god of strength, gripped his mace tightly,
"I know thou arst here, foul monster! Show thyself!"
"Uh, Herc, what are you doing?"
"That foul insect is back, and I promise War Machine I shall slay it!"
He hit the wall, thinking it was a fly. It turned out to be nothing and the Lion of Olympus began heading elsewhere.
Simon shook his head,
"Of course, it does take a little getting used to."
He pulled out a bottle of alcohol,
"Drink this. We keep a supply at the manor somewhere."
As Vision consumed the depressant, he felt a change come over him…
Miss Marvel, as well as Hercules and Crisis, were cleaning up the mess, with Monica Rambeau, the heroine Pulsar, supervising. Farrah, who was getting herself clean in the shower, grumbled,
"Barbie so does not deserve him. Leon picked me and that's it."
Pulsar, who was reading a magazine, looked over at the damage,
"Good work. Once you're done-."
A drunken belch was heard and Vision stumbled in. Pulsar looked at the android and asked,
"Vision, are you all right?"
Vision replied in much like the voice of Bender from Futurama,
"I'd be better if you took your top off."
Monica was shocked,
"Vision? What the hell's the matter with you?"
Vision puffed on a cigar and Monica shouted,
"There are children here! You can't smoke!"
"Kiss my shiny metal ass! I'll smoke, drink, and flirt with whomever I want!"
"This is going to end badly."
Ten seconds later, a loud explosion followed and Vision got blown up, his head rolling down the hallway, the cigar still in his mouth.
End of One Shot