"What the hell do you want? What's in that sack?"
As if in answer, the sack wriggled and let out a loud wail.
"Ganondorf, are those babies? Why do you have a sack full of babies?" Roy demanded, putting the DS down on the arm of his comfy chair and pulling his sword free from its scabbard, "Why did you bring a sack full of babies INTO OUR LIVING ROOM?"
"Oh, did you want me to leave it around the back? Make up your mind, these things are heavy, you know!" Ganondorf shouldered the sack and turned to walk out again. He almost walked straight into Ike, who pushed open the door in his face. He still wore the suit he had spent all day modelling while Peach made the final adjustments to it and Marth gave him hints on how to maintain a regal pose. He was so bored by the end of it, he felt like a bear in a collar, although he had to admit he looked impressive. A well-fitted power suit looked more imposing than any amount of black spiky plate mail, "Oh, hello, Ike. I've got what you asked me for, now where's my money?"
"Huh?" Ike scratched his head.
"IKE, what's this all about?" demanded Roy, "Did you hire Ganondorf to kidnap babies?"
"Uh... oh yeah... so I can kiss them, like Marth said." said Ike.
"You idiot! That's not what I meant at all!" said Roy, "You were supposed to go out onto the street, find mothers and ask them to pose with you in our electoral videos while you hold the babies and kiss them. Preferably hard-working mothers. With cancer. Or the babies can have cancer. Oh, and the babies have to look happy. What are the voters going to think of you if you they find out you kidnapped all these babies?"
"I don't know where mothers and babies live." said Ike, "I don't think I'd be good at talking to them anyway."
"And you thought GANONDORF would be better?" yelled Roy, "Whatever possessed you to hire Ganondorf to do ANYTHING? He can't even walk down the street without kicking a puppy! Even if there wasn't a puppy there to start with!"
"Are you going to pay me or not? I spent all day gathering those babies!"
"You can just go and put them all back!" yelled Roy.
"I suppose you don't want these either, then?" asked Ganondorf, swirling his cape around to reveal another sack. It went 'meow'.
The election campaign was starting to shape up. Team Fire Emblem HQ was now full of banners, flyers and placards, so that you couldn't even find space to sit down, which was putting Roy in a terrible mood. He wanted to make a cup of tea but the kettle was stuck behind the placards. He couldn't get to them without collapsing the whole thing on top of himself. His DS stylus had rolled underneath a 'We Like Ike' poster and he couldn't remember which one. Not that he could concentrate on playing his game, as their campaign song was playing non-stop on their radio and completely ruining his train of thought. He also couldn't sit down for five minutes without someone interrupting him and press-ganging him into some errand or other.
"Stop lazing around and help us!" demanded Marth.
"I haven't even eaten my breakfast yet!"
"You can have breakfast on the move! You're to go out and hand these leaflets to everyone you meet!" said Marth, handing him an enormous stack of leaflets, "If you meet Ike, help him with whatever he's doing as well. I think he said he was checking up on the flyers."
"Huh? But these are all our flyers!"
"No, those are leaflets. I mean the flyers. Ike asked Pit and Meta Knight to fly around with the banners. More people can see them from the sky." explained Marth, "They keep flying over the wrong areas by accident, though, so Ike has to follow them around waving his arms and shouting."
"I'll keep an eye out for them." promised Roy.
Almost as soon as he walked out of the door, a blue blur went zooming past, knocking him off his feet.
"SONIC, WAIT UP!" screamed Roy at the top of his voice. A millisecond later, the blue hedgehog appeared behind him.
"Oh, Roy. Wassup?" asked Sonic.
"You're acting during someone else's movement phase!"
"That was way more than seven spaces in one round! Shame on you!" said Roy.
"Oh... um... hedgehogs have a... an exceptionally high... movement rate?" Sonic hoped he was making sense in TRPG language.
"They do? Wow. I need to get myself a unit of hedgehogs. We would totally own the battlefield." said Roy, "Want a leaflet? You should vote Ike. He's the man!"
"I'm sorry, Roy. I can't vote." Sonic looked glum. He stared at his feet, no longer looking quite like a whirlwind about to happen, "Only Nintendo citizens can vote."
"Man, I'm sorry, that's harsh." said Roy, "Ike says if he gets in, he'll give you the vote. Well, he didn't, but I bet you a fiver I can make him say that without resorting to physical force. Hey, I've got a great idea! Want a race?"
Sonic's little blue ears pricked up at the word 'race'.
"Its a flyering competition. We each take half this pile of leaflets, you start at the east side of the district, I start at the west, and the first person to hand out all their leaflets wins." explained Roy.
"You're on!" yelled Sonic, before snatching most of the flyers and darting off before Roy could blink.
"Ha, sucker!" Roy laughed. He had just got out of most of his work! His pile was considerably smaller now. He could probably hand them all out in the town square. There was a new cake shop on the way to the town square, if he could only remember the route...
Suddenly, he heard a loud wailing sound.
"Oh, for Christ's sake, Ganondorf, cut it..." he began. Then he looked up.
Ike was dangling Baby Mario off the roof.
"Left a bit! A bit more! A bit closer to the ground!" yelled Ike, waving one hand. Hovering in the sky above him, just close enough for his 'We Like Ike' banner to still be visible, was Pit. The banner was still wonky and kept flapping around in the wind. Roy felt dizzy trying to read it.
"IKE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT BABY?" screamed Roy at the top of his voice.
"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" yelled Ike, leaning further off the roof, baby extended in front of him. It looked like they were both about to fall off. Roy waved him back again, then climbed up onto the roof himself. The ladder was rickety and the wind was picking up, hence Pit losing control of his banner and Ike being unable to hear anything, so Roy almost fell off several times but he made it up eventually.
"I said, what are you doing with that baby?" he gasped.
"Oh, this baby?" Ike took one hand from around the baby so he could point to it, "Mario loaned it to me. He was bored of babysitting it."
"And why are you dangling it from the roof?"
"Well, I thought I would combine our ideas." said Ike, "If kissing babies makes people vote for me, banners make people vote for me and banners are easier for people to see if they're in the sky, then surely..."
"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard! What if you drop it?"
"Oh, Baby Mario's very durable!" said Ike, throwing him into the air and catching him as an example.
"That's not the point! Everyone can see you! People won't vote for you if you drop babies off rooftops!"
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that." admitted Ike.
"Give it back!"
"But Mario said not to give it back for another three hours!"
"I don't care what Mario said! He can look after his own baby!"
"Ha! Beat you!"
Roy jumped, whipped out his blade and levelled it at the throat of the man behind him, except that Sonic had already moved around the other side so he was still behind Roy.
"Did I win anything?" he asked.
"Yeah, these nice leaflets!" said Roy, pushing his remaining leaflets into the hedgehog's hands.
"And this baby!" said Ike, throwing Baby Mario at Sonic.
The hedgehog examined his winnings. "These prizes suck. It wasn't worth my time. See ya." he announced, before zooming off again. Roy just stared at Ike, open-mouthed.
"Problem solved." announced Ike, spreading his arms out to demonstrate his lack of babies.
"What... the... HELL do you mean? You just gave Baby Mario to Sonic!" said Roy, "A past version of Nintendo's national hero! To Sega's champion! Who has perfect motivation to assassinate him or hold him hostage and use him as a bargaining tool!"
"Oh dear, will that not look good in front of the voters?"
"IKE, YOU'VE JUST CAUSED A NATIONAL EMERGENCY!" screamed Roy.
"Okay, okay, I'll go get the baby back." Ike sighed.
"How, exactly? Sonic can move faster than the speed of light! He can move fast enough to cause rifts in the space-time continuum, damn it! He could be on the other side of the planet by the time I finish saying this sentence!"
"Well, stop talking, then!" complained Ike. He unstrapped his broadsword from his shoulder and jumped off the roof. Roy saw him stop Lucas and yell 'Vote for Me!' at him, still waving the broadsword. Lucas ran away, crying.
This was only the first day of the campaign. Roy did not see the election going well for them.