On the final night of the election, the results were broadcast live from the Stadium. The 'Final Destination' background was used. All the items used in the brawls were cleared away, there were three podiums for the candidates and the ballot counts were displayed on the big screen. The Brawl main theme, which was Smashville's national anthem, blared over the speakers. The candidates were asked even more questions, Master Hand gave his own speeches and his impressions of the candidates' performance.

As the day went on, everyone waited with baited breath for the final result. For the first time all year, the entire stadium was silent. Even Mr. Game and Watch had turned off his internal clock thing and was remaining absolutely still so he wouldn't bleep.

"Okay, it looks like its a dead heat!" announced Master Hand,"The candidates all have exactly the same number of votes for them! You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen!"

An uproar went out from the crowd.

"Er... what DOES it mean, Roy?" asked Ike. Roy didn't answer. He facepalmed, then his hand went to his sword hilt.

"That's right, Smashville! The candidates are just going to have to FIGHT it out!"

"Fight?" asked Ike.

"On the count of five, the 2012 Apocalypse Presidential Election Deciding Brawl will begin!"

"Oh, a deciding brawl. Great, and I just ironed this shirt!"

"Three... two... one..."

"Go for it, Ike!" yelled Roy, shoving him off the podium.


Ike already had his broadsword out just as Donkey Kong lunged at him, trying to rip his head off with those powerful simian arms. He screamed a battle cry and charged at the gorilla, swinging his sword to drive Donkey Kong back. His legs gave out from under him as he slipped on a banana skin that Diddy Kong had thrown down. Donkey Kong jumped on him, bringing his fists down like a sledgehammer...

But was flung away by something hurtling towards them, trailing fire.


With a hand from Roy, Ike stood up.

"You have to watch for the little bastard, he's more dangerous than he looks." Roy told him. Then he drew his own sword and whirled around, slashing at Diddy Kong, who was trying to tie the man's shoelaces together. The chimp ran away, screeching. He decided that attacking the two swordsmen on his own was too dangerous so he settled for throwing peanuts at Captain Falcon, who had been wrestled to the ground by Donkey Kong and was having difficulties breaking free.

"Does this really happen every year?" asked Ike.

Roy nodded.

"How can you have exactly equal votes for all the candidates every year?"

"I'll give you a clue: Crazy Hand counts the ballots."

"Oh dear."

"One year we had a logical paradox instead of a dead heat. Nobody voted and Crazy Hand insisted on trying to divide by zero." contributed Master Hand, "It took me a week to clear up the mess."

"So I went through all that bullshit for nothing?" asked Ike.

"Its not nothing! Its ceremony! Ceremony is everything!" said Master Hand, "The crowd love the spectacle every year! What else does this arena exist for?"

"I still think you should just have the brawl." said Ike, "I would have done more training if I'd known. I love brawls!"

"Oh yeah? Well you'll love this, pansy boy!" yelled Captain Falcon. Ike whirled around just in time to see Donkey Kong being hurled at him. He was almost knocked straight off the stage.

"You really ought to stop talking during battles." noted Master Hand.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU WARN ME?" Ike spluttered, coughing up blood. He felt at least one broken rib and his vital organs didn't feel quite as functional as they should be. Roy searched in his pocket for a Vulnerary.

"We Hands must remain impartial at all costs." said Master Hand, "Unless you'd like me to join in. If I join in, I attack you all. I could go invite Crazy Hand as well, he's always wondered what its like to be President. He says we should cut out the middle man."

"NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!" he screamed. The thought of Crazy Hand in charge was enough to drive him into a battle frenzy. Ignoring his grievous wounds, he ran at Captain Falcon. Donkey Kong stood up and clutched his head in his arms, groaning in a low feral voice, obviously just as injured as Ike. Roy casually stabbed him through the chest.

"I hate to tell him, but I think Diddy Kong's gonna win." said Bowser, who had sold off all the babies but one, which he had accidentally bonded with and couldn't bear to let go. It was so ugly that it looked sort of like Bowser anyway, "They're all on their last legs but nobody's scoring a hit on him."

"Ike fights best when he's about to lose." said Marth, "He thinks he's still in Tellius and that he won't get a second chance."

"Still, he's not fast enough to hit that monkey."

"The monkey will tire eventually."

"If I was fighting, I would have organised everyone to gang up on the monkey first." said Bowser.

Suddenly, Crazy Hand burst into the arena, rolling over and over, his fingers in a flap.

"Master! I think I've done it again!"

"Done what, exactly?"

"Did he miscount the votes?" whispered Bowser.

"I don't think so." said Marth, "He's never done that before."

"Um... I don't think it should be possible for this number to have a square root." Crazy Hand snapped his fingers and a clipboard appeared. Master Hand snatched it off him and inspected it closely.

"Oh... oh dear... oh God... we'd better evacuate..."

"It might be a bit late for that. I only just noticed."

"HOW LONG AGO, Crazy?"

"Um... which direction does time go in again?"

Suddenly, there was a galaxy-rending, reality-shattering explosion which deleted from existence the dimension they were in and 255 of the backup dimensions that Master Hand had prepared in case of emergency. Well, it WAS 2012!