The Start of it All.
My head began to pound. I ran, I wanted to breathe smoke into my lungs, I wished these voices would stop. I knew none of these wishes would come true. I had to run to make sure they didn't catch me. I was out of ciggeretts. The voices always played. Like a mp3 on repeat, they would never stop. My name is ellison terry matthews. And i am scitsoffrinic, diagnosed by myself from the age of 12 years old. No one would listen to me. I am now 18 years old. Not graduated. Virgin. And hating life more and more each day.
Let's back up.
I woke up to the sounds of them speaking "wake up"…. WAKE UP. Those were the words that woke me up each day. At 8 o'clock. Never 7:59, or 8:01. 8:oo. And so the day began. I stood up slowly taking in the first breath of the day. Then as I walked through my door I hit my foot "fuck" I mummered. And kept walking. I leaned into the bathroom. And looked at myself. Probably the longest I've ever looked at myself in that mirror. I put my hands on the cold sink. I felt the sweat on my palms move onto the counter top. I looked myself in the eyes. They were empty even I could see that. My cheeks, the pours leaked pessamistic dreams. I knew that I would never have what I wanted in life. I was okay with that. I was content. Then I put my hands on the mirror, turned and walked down the stairs. I strolled to the refrigerator opened the freezer and grabbed the jimmy dean sausage with egg biscuts. Placed one in the microwave "Don't eat that" I heard "not today"
"why not?" I argued
"today, you will not eat anything" the voice said smoothly
I shut the microwave and cooked the biscut anyway. "you cant control me" I whispered.
"Ellison…" my brain spoke
My head throbbed. I sat in the floor and clutched at my temples. I screamed, but no one was home. No one could hear me. I was not alone though. With the voices I was never alone.