Edgar was happier than a kid in a candy store. Heck, Edgar was happier than a kid in a free candy store. No, Edgar was happier than a kid with superpowers in a free candy store. There was no way you could put out this man's sunshine.
Why was Edgar so happy, you ask? Well, he had finally gotten rid of those cats. All of the money in Madam's will would go to him. Edgar was so happy that he whistled a tune. He had never actually been able to whistle before, but this kind of happiness had a way of making things possible.
Edgar needed to tell somebody why he was so happy. He went to the stables to see Frou-Frou (who is not actually listed on the Aristocats character list for some weird reason) and share the good news.
"Hello, Frou-Frou, my good horse! I made the headlines!" said Edgar gleefully, taking out a newspaper. She looked at him like he was crazy; after all, he was trying to make conversation with a freaking horse.
"Mysterious Cat Napper Abducts Family of Cats." Frou-Frou gave him a weird look.
"I'm quite gangster, Frou-Frou."
The horse studied Edgar's whiteness.
"They say it's a work of a true mastermind." As he was speaking, Roquefort emerged from his mouse hole.
"What's up?" Roquefort asked Frou-Frou. Edgar, of course, was oblivious to their conveniently italicized animal-speak.
"Edgar thinks he's gangster," Frou-Frou replied.
"Gangsters like me can do anything," said Edgar, not sounding very "gangster".
"Great…and last week he went Gaga," said Roquefort, remembering Edgar's horrible dance to Bad Romance.
"People with front butts shouldn't dance while wearing plastic bubble dresses." Frou-Frou remembered the horror, made worse by the fact that Edgar had initially attempted to do this with actual soap bubbles rather than clothing.
"I was all like, 'Yo-yo-yo! I'm the Edgster!"
"Great, now he thinks he's the Edgster…"
"Well at least it's better than the time he became a Twilight fan."
"And those kittens were all like, 'Spare me, Edgster!'"
"Oh, I remember that; he even had a cardboard cutout of Edward, didn't he?"
"Yeah, but it's got nothing on his Narnia phase."
"And I was all like, 'I don't like yo face or your momma, kittens!'"
"Oh, yeah! He kept trying to find Narnia in all of the closets!" Worse yet, Edgar had almost found Roquefort's secret cookie stash.
"Oh, dear! Now's he's trying to dance!" Edgar started showing off the fight moves that he had reportedly "used" on the kittens.
"BAM!…..and POW!…..and your Grandpa's gonna hurt!" This was a true horror to behold, somewhat like a combination of Sit and Be Fit and a wind turbine.
"Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place!" chanted the mouse and the horse. They tried to visualize their favorite movie, Finding Nemo.
"And they were all like, 'Have mercy, Edgster!" The dance moves finally stopped.
"Oh, good. My eyes didn't bleed to death."
"Is it over?"
"Now, with those kittens gone, I can totally deck out my crib."
"Great…next week he's going to be an interior designer."
"Oh, my…..That will be something to watch."
"I'll start by putting my basket…OH, NO! My basket! My umbrella! My hat! My things! I left them!" Edgar ran like a girl out of the barn, his hands in the air.
"Hey, aren't we supposed to go help save those cats or something?"
I decided to write a write a parody of one of my favorite Disney movies. Don't know why I made Edgar super OOC. REVIEW, and tell my editor/sister, Nicole hi.
***The A/N stands for "Awesome/Nicole".