Disclaimer: I don't own LoZ.

Another weird pairing without a cause. Link's hat x Link's hair.

In which the world at large discovers the real reason your head's sweaty after you take off a hat.

Remember kids, Rule 34 is everywhere. And everything.


Hat Hair

Link's hat and Link's hair were very thankful they had no vocal cords. It would have been very apparent otherwise what the two conspicuously quiet characters were doing. With all the walking around that Link did, all the rustling of his cap and rhythmic waving of his hair, the friction had grown unbearable, the repressed need too strong. And, like anything in love, Link's hat and Link's hair simply couldn't take it anymore.

Link headed to the Zora's Domain, hiking up hills and jumping down cliffs. Link's hat used one of these cliffs to its advantage and angled itself just right so that it flopped squarely on top of Link's head at the bottom. Careful to not be disturbed from this position, Link's hat slowly but frantically turned itself inside out, so that the very obvious pointed tip of the cap barely brushed the beautiful bright blond locks of Link's hair.

Link's hair immediately responded, attaching itself to the soft fabric of Link's hat, blond blending in boundlessly with lush grass-green. The silky-smooth strands brushed up against the contours of the hat, caressing loose threads and rubbing suggestively against the seams. The tip of Link's hat crinkled in anticipation and buried itself in the mass of blonde, Link's hair immediately knotting itself around it, wrapping tightly.

This is how things were meant to be.

Link's hair shuddered to remember those times before Link had donned his hat. Back then, when Link was but three or four, the young Hylian trampled around his forest home bareheaded, exposing the vulnerable, naked hair to the world. Link's hair recalled feeling shame and humiliation at being put on such a display.

But no more. No. Link had received his characteristic green hat from Saria as a present, and the two had fallen in love at first touch. The silky feeling of the hair, the irresistibly velvet softness of the hat... From the moment their textures met, they never wanted to part again.

It was even more intense in the Death Mountain Crater. The contact, the heat, the sweet, sweet friction simply kept building up and building up without cease, driving Link's hair and Link's hat to levels of pleasure they had never known before. Heaven was Death Mountain Crater; Hell, the frozen Zora's Domain.

Of course, every night the two secret lovers had to part ways. Link always took off his hat, without fail, and folded it neatly by his sleeping roll. The two were so close, and yet so far, barely out of reach. Yet still they stretched for each other, taking solace in the knowledge that day would reunite them once again.

Every morning, Link put on his hat, ignoring the strange sensation at the back of his mind that something about the simple action should be occupying more of his attentions. And every night, he would take off his hat, wondering how he had managed to sweat that much, even when walking through the frozen halls of Zora's Domain.


In the words of Midna Hytwilian: "God, I wish I was that cap."