When did I become such a failure? A waste of space? When did I become… gay? Homophobia exists, believe me. I try so hard to repress, joining in with the taunts of other gays with my fellow Slytherins. Resulting to downright purely demented hate crimes just to prove I was not gay. I already know how cruel and hateful the wizarding world can be. I've experienced my fair share of…
"Draco!" I hear a voice call out. In my current state of mind, I could care less on trying to distinguish whose voice it is. Not like they matter anyway.
"What?" I replied tartly. Whatever they want, it cannot be good. Think of an excuse, think of an excuse…
"It's dinner time. You gonna come downstairs with us?" I finally matched the face up with the owner, Blaise. He's okay. I mean personality wise, of course. One of the more tolerable people in the world, compared to the rest of filthy imbeciles.
"No, I seem to still have my… potions paper to write. Go on without me." I lied. Seriously, I finished that paper a week ago. He looked at me suspiciously, but courteously bowed out and went on to meal time. As soon as I was sure I had to dormitory to myself, I stood up and stretched. How pathetic, resulting to having to hide in my bed in order to escape the idiocy of others. Scratching my face, I realized I am getting a little scruffy. Huh, when was the last time I shaved? His is unacceptable, what would my father say? Groggily, I head off to the bathroom. The walked seemed so far… In reality it is not. Maybe I need more sleep? Like I could ever do that, I'm worried about my future so much. I was so deep into thoughts about being deep into thoughts; I walked straight into the door.
"Draco! Where is your mind at? Get a grip! You should be shamed!" I scolded myself. Bad habit? Partially. I try not to do it in front of others. Apparently, it is frowned upon in most functioning societies. I'm just glad nobody saw me walk right into a door. That would knock my status down majorly. And then, once again, father would be upset.
I do realize that there are spells so you do not need to manually shave your face, but I am sure there are spells to get dressed in the morning also. Something just has to be done without magic. Otherwise, you wonder what sort of useless slob you would be without magic. A thought that has plagued me often recently…
Where is that stupid razor at? This is what I hate about sharing dorms with others. Hey take your items, use them without asking and just flat out misplace them to be never found again. Maybe they do it on purpose, maybe they know… no, they couldn't. I'm just being paranoid. But still… if they knew, I would have nobody. No friends, just enemies, all in line to see who can harm me bodily first.
Aha! Found the shaving supplies. After heavily applying shaving cream to my face, I haphazardly shave my face. Stupid people, why can't they be accepting? Why am I such a freak? Why does the world hate me?
I glance up at the mirror, full of self-loathing. Great, now I'm bleeding… a lot. It appears that I have made several cuts on my face. That I can fix with magic. Transfixed, I stared at myself in the mirror. What do people see in me to find me attractive? All I see are cruel facial features, full of disgust, with eyes cold enough to harden lava. Unable to bare the look of my hideous face, I gripped the side of the sink and stared into the porcelain, watching the blood drip into the sink and swirl into the drain. There is something so… beautiful and majestic about it. More beauty and grace than I'll ever have. Maybe if I cut a little deeper… No, not now. Not today. I need to go down to the Great Hall. Disgusted, I washed the shaving cream off my face and healed the tiny cuts. I walked out of the dungeons alone, not caring about my appearance. In all honesty, who would care or notice? I could die right now, and nobody's life would be majorly affected. Well, not negatively at least. I'm sure Potter and his band of misfits would love to see me gone. I really don't blame them if they do.
"Hey Draco, nice of you to show up finally! We were getting worried." Pansy shrieked. At least, it sounded like a shriek to me. There is something overly sweet and… cooing in her voice. If only she knew how much she disgusted me. I sat and moved my food around the plate with my fork. Not like they would care I do not eat.
" Yes, well, I had to… take care of some mudblood freaks." I said coolly. Freaks referring to homosexuals of course. I am part of this... secret clan, so to speak. Against the homosexuals of our school. Basically, I'm a hypocrite punishing those for my own issues. I'm sure they deserved it sometime in their life.
"Ooo, Dracky, do tell! I need details!" She cooed with a sinister grin. Hate. That. Nickname. If I were suppose to go by that name, then that would be the name on my birth certificate. Anyways, the surrounding group leaned in closer. Apparently, they all wanted details. Shoot.
"Let's just say… It will be a bloody experience he will always remember" I said slyly. They all applauded, I was even offered some high fives. Little do they realize, I was talking about my own experience. Yes… I will always remember how swift and gracefully my own blood went down the drain… How I felt complete watching it swirl away, knowing it never to return. I will keep a mental note to try that again someday. Or maybe today. I'll settle for eventually.
( AN: So, I've missed writing. Seriously. I have to many ideas, and not enough time to write them all down. Here's an attempt at a true anguishing story that ends with hope :D. If you have any questions or concerns or advice, even if it's just telling how out of character my characters are, feel free to notify me. I appreciate it. Enjoy!)