I don't own Doctor Who. The only claim I have is to Reinette and Donna and whatever silly situations I create to put them in.

The Stupid Twin

Everyone knows how children are formed. At least I'll spare you the gory details and just assume you know. But if that's true for human children, what of aliens? It's safe to assume that alien DNA combines in slightly different ways than human DNA. Even when forced to combine together, the different pieces of genetic makeup are always at war with one another. I've seen this occur in my dad. He hides it from Mum, but I can tell- by the way he has to sit down after running as much as he used to. Or the way that once he's solved a particularly difficult equation he leans against the wall and rubs his head, claiming that he's simply "tired." But what happens when alien and human DNA are not forced together, by some explosive regenerative act? What happens when combination is simply a suggestion?

Me. I'm what happens. Well, me and my sister. You see, by all logical assumption, we should both be three quarters human, one quarter Gallifreyan. And generally one assumes that identical twins are just that: identical. But somewhere along the way of our creation the Time Lord bit decided it was much better than the human bit. And so it broke away. And, being the totally amazing little bit of genetic material it was, it became a whole new being. This whole new being is, as far as we can tell, one hundred percent alien. This fantastically brilliant, amazing and (as the Yanks say) all around awesome being exhibits the all the bloody brilliant characteristics of a full-fledged Time Lord - two hearts, uber brain, arrogance, etc.- while still looking exactly the same on the outside as the other twin. And if it hasn't swiftly become clear to you through my not so subtle use of sarcasm, this all powerful being is my sister.

And while you were hoping that I would say that I was that special alien, you know wonder: What about me? Well, I experience all the fantastical traits of a regular human girl. I'm just going to assume you are, have been, or at least know a regular human girl and not waste both of our time by spelling out exactly what this means to you. But basically it means I did not inherit any cool alien traits (that skill with languages would really come in handy in Spanish class), and that I don't get taken anywhere cool.

At my house it's always like, "Oh John, we can't take Reinette to the Torchwood super cool alien show-down in Greece. No, it could be dangerous. Let's take special little Donna with us; she's far smarter, has quicker reflexes, can run faster and for longer distances, and, if she dies, she might regenerate and then she won't look exactly the same as that other one." Nope. Not bitter. At. All.

Okay, so maybe it doesn't happen exactly like that, but you get the idea. Now that you've heard me whining, you're probably wondering, "So, what's the pay off?" Well my friends, (why do I keep calling you that? I don't even know you!) the reason I have told you all this is to set up the woeful situation in which I found myself that night, when my family was gone on Torchwood business. I was home alone. Well, mostly alone. Well, sort of. See I have this horse (his name is Arthur)… where was I going with this? Right, so I was home alone.

I had just finished my homework (it takes me three hours to do what Donna does in twenty minutes, yet she still refuses to do it for me. Prick) and was just getting ready to watch some telly when I heard the weirdest noise I had ever heard in my life. It sort of sounded someone was trying to scrape something off of a really large shoe onto concrete. Or like someone had left their parking brake on.

I ran to look outside and discovered a large blue box. Now I'm not an expert in large, rectangular equipment (although I am pretty good at rummaging through the fridge) but something told me it was not supposed to be smoking. I blinked (terrible strategy if it had been a Weeping Angel, I know) and rubbed my eyes. The smoking refrigerator thing hadn't disappeared. I squinted- where were my brainy specs?- and could barely make out the letting at the top: "POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX." My breath caught in my throat. Could it be? I had heard stories all my life of the Doctor and his TARDIS.

I scampered to the door, part of me refusing to believe that it was there, for me. You seem to have come at a bad time, I thought bitterly, You're a little early. The one you want isn't home yet! The only one here is the stupid twin! When my sister didn't suddenly appear to do yet another thing better than me, I tentatively opened the door. I tip toed outside in the freezing cold and slowly approached the blue box. The TARDIS, I reminded myself.

Just as I reached a fist out to knock, the door opened from the inside and a head popped out.

"Hello," it smiled, "You are you?"

I looked the man standing in front of me over. His longish, brown hair was sticking up in parts and appeared singed. A crooked maroon bowtie was hanging limply from his neck.

"Your bowtie is crooked," was all I could think to respond.

"Oh yes. Thank you," he chuckled and reached to fix it. As soon as he made the adjustment it resumed its previous position. I stifled a giggle as he looked down and frowned.

"Anyway, I'm the Doctor," he introduced himself, apparently forgetting that he had asked my name. It was all the same anyhow. I had resolved not to tell it to him anyway. From what I could tell by Mum's stories, he had a habit of leaving Tyler girls in a bit of a rut. Plus, I didn't want word of this ever getting back to my dad.

A bright red headed girl came bounding from within. "Doctor," her Scottish voice seemed to warn, "Doctor the console of the TARDIS is still on fire! What are you dilly dallying about for?" As she finished scolding him she poked her head from behind him. "Who's this?"

"Oh Amy! This is… uh this is… um," the Doctor looked at me for help in his introduction but before I could stutter a reply Amy cut in.

"Under any other circumstances I'd tell you how nice it was to meet you, but right now I have to ask, do you have any water?" Amy asked, her eyes shifting back into the alleged fire located in the console room.

"There's a hose right here," I pointed to the tube I had been using to feed the horses that was snaking next to me.

"Brilliant!" the Doctor smiled. His smile was contagious and I beamed too, glad to be useful for once in my life.

I helped him grab the hose and ran to turn the nozzle. After a few moments the Doctor called to tell me the fire was out and I twisted it back off. As I was racing back to the site, I heard Amy shout from deep within:

"Rory the fire's out! You can stop hiding!"

"I wasn't hiding," came the obviously offended reply, "I was looking for the swimming pool. At the very back of the TARDIS. 'Cause, you know, there could be water there and stuff."

By the time I reached the door, it was wide open and all three voices now had a face for me to associate it with.

It was Amy who spoke first. "Right, I'm Amy, this is the Doctor and this is my husband-"

"Rory," I filled in. I hadn't meant to interrupt her. It was a bad habit of mine. I blame my dad.

"How did you know…?" Rory started.

I looked at my feet, suddenly embarrassed. "I heard Amy shouting something to you as I was coming back."

"Anyway," the Doctor filled the awkward silence that followed my explanation, "I have a few questions for you. One, where are we? Two- no, one point five, when are we? Two, why are you not at all surprised to see three madmen (sorry two madmen and one madwoman) in a box that happens to be on fire?"

I tacked the questions in order. "One, the Chilterns. Two, 2025. Three, I figure it's best to deal with one thing at a time. Your box was on fire, so I felt that was the most pressing matter to attend to." Of course, the last one was a lie. I was not surprised because I had been secretly hoping for this moment to come for my entire life. But, if I wanted to keep my cover of being not connected to the Doctor in away at all, I had to think of an alternate reason.

"Have I seen you before?" the Doctor asked as he began to really notice me for the first time. I shook my head 'no' and he squinted his eyes a little, "hmm… well you look really familiar, maybe you haven't met me yet. What did you say your name was again?"

I quickly searched my mind for a name. The first name that popped into my head was a random character from a story Dad had told me once, long ago, when Mum was away. He almost didn't tell us, because Mum said she thought the story was too scary. But Dad said she was just jealous because she hadn't been there. In this story, Dad and Donna (the first Donna- not my sister) were at a very special library. Apparently the shadows in this library ate people. I don't really remember the details of the story because I was seven when he told us and the fact that the darkness had an appetite was about the only thing I gained from the telling of the tale. That, and the name of the main character. See, Dad had never met this woman before, but she was strong, and confidence, and acted like she had known Dad for a really long time. I had always found her name to be one of the prettiest things I had ever heard.

"River Song," I proudly told the Doctor, making my naming decision in under a second.

I had expected the trio to nod and finish with the formalities, but they just gawked at me.

"River Song?" The one called Rory clarified. "As in, River Song?" He and Amy exchanged a glance while the Doctor just stared at me. He examined my long, slightly curly blonde hair and my hazel eyes.

"How old are you?" He asked.

"Fifteen," I responded. The gravity of his voice forced me to tell the truth. I silently cursed myself for choosing such an obviously controversial name.

He simply nodded and we stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity.

"Well River Song, would you like to come in?"

Hey so this story popped into my head and I had to get it down. I hope at least one person found amusement from it.

I have outlined the next five chapters, but I will only write them if someone reviews to tell me if they think I should. I know I've been bad and promised this with my other stories, but this time, I promise I actually will. Also, if you hated it and want me to never write again, tell me that to in a Review. Thanks for reading!