Harder

I run to my room and jump onto the bed where I finally let the tears run down my face. I find myself shuddering as I truly realised what it meant.

When I had slammed the door it had bounced back and now stands ajar. I look up as I hear it creak. There he is, standing in the doorway looking at me with a mix of emotions. Though he mostly just seems confused.

I quickly wipe away the tears and try to tell him to go… but the words just won't come. It's like there is something blocking my throat. And it wasn't his hands this time.

Without waiting for my permission Peeta walks over to me and lies next to me on the bed. The shock of how similar this is to the nights on the train is painful. Especially as I look into his blue eyes. They are his eyes, but they're different now. They look at me more coldly, the love has gone. Yet as he speaks I can hear a trace of that old warmth.

"What's wrong?" he asks me. I look up at his face a moment before I answer.

"You," I tell him. He blinks rapidly and his brow furrows.

"Aside from the obvious, what have I done?"

"You're finally seeing me for me, who I truly am. I was always amazed that I didn't drive you away. It's what I normally do. You stood by me. But now… you just see me. Stubborn, selfish, arrogant, cold… and… well, you know the rest," I say quietly. As I say it out loud it begins to hurt again, even worse that when I said it in my head. Saying it out loud was just confirming it.

"Katniss you have more good points than you realise," he tells me. "I've always been able to see everything about you. The good and the bad. I saw just how good you are. But you're self-conscious and fragile so you cover it up with arrogance and a hard exterior. You had to raise your family when you were eleven and it changed you. You had to grow up fast and face the dangers most wouldn't. The only thing was that I could overlook your rough edges." He looked down at my confused face and it took a bit, but as always he understood me. "Not all of my memories were effected." I still just lie there looking at him. Then I sigh deeply and bury my face into his shirt.

"You weren't supposed to get better," I whisper. "I'm glad you are but now its just going to be harder."

"What will?" he says softly.

"My plan… I have a plan. The kind I don't tell anyone. It would have been simpler on me if you were just gone. And it would have been easier on you because you wouldn't even like me enough for it to hurt."

"This doesn't sound like a very good plan," he says. "Perhaps you should tell me what it is." I look back up at him and smile like it's a joke.

"Maybe later… when I can't go back." Peeta shakes his head in exasperation. He unwraps my arms from around him and gets off my bed. He turns back to me and cups my face in his hands.

"You know you left out extremely annoying," he says grinning. Quickly his hands drop and grip the edge of the bed. His knuckles go white and his eyes are scrunched as tight as he can. "I have to go," he hisses with his eyes still shut. He opens his eyes and looks at me. There is little warmth left. "I was lucky to get that much time," he says with a forced smile.

Then without looking back he strides from the room. And I am left on my bed, confused and empty.