Disclaimer - I own nothing 'cept the idea :D
xx Happy Reading
I will never understand the compulsive need to address a diary/journal in such a respectful manner as if it is a real person and will read the following entry and answer life's confusing questions. So hereafter I will never address this notebook in such a stereotypical and utterly obtuse manner.
So anyway. Back to what I was about to say.
I have never kept a diary before in my life and I am not about to start. This is just a way for me to get my (confused) feelings sorted out because I feel like my head is about to explode.
And this isn't a diary because -
1) This will not be a continuous thing
2) I am burning it straight after
3) David will mock me out of existence if he knew I ever even wrote the word diary let alone kept one
Back to my problem.
You see diary… love is love right? That is what my parents always drilled into my head. I wonder if they suspected that I was gay when I was younger. They certainly seemed surprised enough when I told them…
But my problem is defining love. Because I love a lot of things
Things Blaine Anderson loves
5) Twilight (another reason I have to burn this)
6) Katy Perry
7) How I Met Your Mother
You see diary I love all these things. But I am not IN LOVE with any of them.
And there are lots of different ways to love things. I love Singing in a different way I love my parents. And certainly in a different way I loved Jeremiah
That's the other thing Diary. What's the difference between Love and Infatuation? And how do we define the difference?
Because Jeremiah was sweet and kind and he was cute. I thought I loved him. But then he crushed my heart so every time I think of him I just feel humiliated.
If I loved him would I be so ready to give up on him? Because all I want to do is forget Jeremiah
And now we reach my main point, Diary.
Kurt Elizabeth Hummel.
Kurt is my best friend, Diary. And he admires me, and I've been there a lot for him and helped him lots too. And I really care about him… a lot.
When I first saw him I thought he was adorable, like a lost puppy, sort of. Pretending he was a new student when he was so clearly a spy. Adorable. And his face when he watched us perform… adorable – er.
And when we talked afterwards he was so scared. I just wanted to help him. Guide him. And then when he told me about Karofsky and all the hateful things he and the other people did to him I was angry. I wanted to protect him.
But that isn't so unnatural is it Diary?
I want to protect all my friends, and my family too. If this was happening to any of them I'd feel the same way.
And with Kurt things were good. We hung out a lot and he became much less scared and tense and I really got to know him. We had fun. It was nice being around someone gay for a change (as much as I love my friends sometimes they don't really understand…)
And sure I might have held his hand. And flirted a little too... But friends can do that too right? Its not like anything was going to happen. Not with all his bad experiences. Plus I was in love with Jeremiah. Right…?
But then after being totally humiliated and rejected by Jeremiah, Kurt told me he loved me and thought I reciprocated. And I told him all I knew. That I cared about him. I didn't define how… I didn't know then and I sure don't know now.
And then last week trouble began.
It all began at a party Kurt invited me to which was awesome. But I kissed a girl. And it felt good. So I began to question whether or not I was bisexual.
I knew I liked boys. But what if I liked girls too? Was that wrong?
So when I accepted the date with Rachel… Kurt didn't take it well. We sort of had a fight and haven't spoken much since. But I know now after kissing Rachel (whilst sober) that I certainly was just plain gay.
But what do I do about Kurt. What if he just says I told you so? I think it might have hurt him a bit, me accepting a date with someone else after he told me he liked me.
But how could I date Kurt when I don't even know if I am in love with him or not. It wouldn't be fair would it? WOULD IT?
Your faithful confider,
First of all – your intro makes you sound like a pretentious douche bag.
Secondly - you make too many lists.
Thirdly - you crossed the line, mate. So much for "as if it is a real person and will read the following entry and answer life's confusing questions". You were asking your diary about LOVE? That seems like a life question to me.
Fourthly - Jeremiah = infatuation
Fifthly – You totally led Kurt on
Sixthly – of course Kurt is upset. He LOVES you. You may still be confused but Kurt's figured it out. And love for him is you. So yeah you accepted a date with one of his best friends who happens to be a girl (which freaks him out because he's been in love with straight guys before and he doesn't want the same thing to happen with you). That might hurt just a little bit.
Seventhly – you think Kurt's adorable and want to protect him. Signs point to love or at least have some sort of romantic feelings for
Eighthly and thankfully lastly – Yeah, David's totally going to pay you out for this
Your Diary ;)
Ps. Your a twi-hard? Aww Kurt's totally going to love when I tell him all about this... MWAHAHAHA